


Little Wonders

by BuckyAndDanno



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Athena Grant is Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parent, Bobby Nash is Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parent, Buddie As Parents, Christopher is the best Big Brother, Diaz Twins, Evan As A Dad, Evan Is Abandoned, Evan is Athena's Son, Evan is Bobby's Son, Evan's REAL Family, Firefighter Evan Nash-Diaz, Hurt Evan Nash-Diaz, Injured Evan Nash-Diaz, M/M, Maddie Wishes She Could Have Done More, Not between Evan and Eddie though, Protective Athena Grant, Protective Bobby Nash, SO MUCH ANGST!, Savior Sibling, So Much Buddie, They're As Strong As Anything, What Do You Expect From My Fics?, because i am me, buddie, eddie as a dad, evil author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno
Summary: Based off a prompt from kbl55429.Evan Buckley is three years old when he undergoes a bone marrow transplant to save his brother’s life. It’s barely a month later that he finds himself dumped at a ‘safe surrender’ hospital in LA, scared and alone.He’s five when he meets Bobby Nash, nothing more than a frightened little boy who doesn’t trust easily.He’s six when he becomes Evan Nash, and the beaming smile he gives the judge as he hugs his Daddy is a far cry from how he once was.He’s twenty-one when he graduates the academy, top of his class, and starts at Station 118 with his Dad.By twenty-five, he’s a husband and a father himself.At twenty-seven, his parents come back, and suddenly everything is turned upside down.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 484
Kudos: 1636





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kbl55429](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbl55429/gifts).



> I haven’t seen much of S4 yet (I’m not ashamed to admit that I was totally refreshing the official Twitter at 2am Monday night, watching the clips they posted, and reading peoples’ live tweets, lol) as we likely won’t get it in the UK for a while, but I saw this prompt and I couldn’t resist. I really hope you enjoy the resulting fic!
> 
> This chapter focuses on ‘baby Buckleys’, and Evan and Bobby.
> 
> Title is taken from Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, a song I am absolutely in love with right now.
> 
> This is probably not accurate at some points but… it’s fiction :) 
> 
> Character Ages:  
> Daniel Buckley – 7/31  
> Maddie Buckley – 6/30  
> Evan Buckley/Nash/Diaz – 3/27  
> Eddie Diaz – 28  
> Christopher ‘Chris’ Diaz – 7  
> Charlotte ‘Lottie’ Diaz – 1  
> Cameron ‘Cam’ Diaz - 1
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

“Why’s Mumma not wove me?”

Those five words break Maddie Buckley’s little heart as she looks down at the teary eyed three year old beside her. She has a wet paper towel pressed against the boy’s scuffed knee, but the pain in his eyes is something she can’t fix so easily.

The two had been playing outside when Evan had fallen over, hitting his knee on the edge of one of the large stones lining their mother’s flower garden. But where Margaret Buckley had before shushed her child’s cries, offered love and support, at least where Daniel and Maddie were concerned, Evan had gotten nothing less than a look of scorn.

“You insist on damaging yourself before you’re of any use.” She’d grumbled, setting the boy on his feet and ordering him inside. Neither Evan nor Maddie knew what she’d meant, but where Evan simply hurt from the lack of love, Maddie was angry.

Angry at how their parents seemed to treat her beloved little brother like he was nothing more than a nuisance.

Angry at how they gave no care to his wellbeing.

Angry at… well, everything.

It was no secret that their older brother was unwell, and had been for as long as Maddie could remember. Multiple hospital trips and prolonged visits meant she barely saw Daniel now.

Yet Evan had been Maddie’s brightness through it all, even if their parents didn’t see him in the same light, and he didn’t deserve to be treated this way.

The problem was, at only six years old, she didn’t know what to do about it.

So she simply pulls him close and tells him that she loves him, that nothing will ever change that, and tries to forget that she can’t answer what he really wants to know.

It’s around two months later when Evan comes running into Maddie’s room one morning, throwing himself up onto the bed with a delighted cry. “Momma says I gonna help Danny!”

Maddie blinks the sleep from her eyes, looks up at the bright shining eyes of her little brother, and frowns. “What?”

The boy repeats himself, just as excited as the moment he entered the room, but where his words should bring Maddie joy, she only finds a hollowness in her stomach, a twist in her gut.

“That’s… That’s great, Ev.” She tries for a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

When Evan snuggles up to her and says, “Momma love me now,” the smile falls completely and Maddie simply presses her own tear laden eyes to his mop of blonde curls.

“ **I** love you.”

With exception of the three days he spends in hospital, Evan runs into her room every morning for the next month, beaming with joy and babbling about how “Momma says Danny getting better,” and “Momma says Danny coming home soon!”

Until one morning, 27 days after the operation, when Maddie wakes to find no little brother bouncing her gleefully, telling her to wake up. In fact, the room that once was Evan’s is empty besides their father’s gym equipment, and instead of finding him downstairs at the breakfast bar, she finds Daniel instead.

Her older brother is still pale and thin, but looks so much better than the last time she saw him. He greets her with a grin and a light hug, and for a moment Maddie can’t stop the happiness radiating off her.

Then she remembers the reason she’d raced from her room in the first place. “Where’s Evan?”

Her mother ignores her question, but it’s her father who looks over his glasses at her, mouth pursed into a thin line. “Really Maddie, you’re too old for imaginary friends now.”

It hits her like a brick, what they’ve done, because even if she’s only six (nearly seven though, she would protest) she’s not naïve enough to believe that she simply dreamt her little brother, or made him up.

Not after two years of being the only person he had.

Not after two years of being a big sister.

“What have you done with him?!” She cries out, but they give her no answer. She’s sent back to her room instead, told off for disturbing Daniel’s morning, and as the days pass, one thing is clear.

They abandoned her little brother, her bright star, and she will never forget it.

They can tell her in light, condescending tones that “You made Evan up,” and that “You’re too old for this sort of thing,” but Maddie knows the truth, at least in part.

She might not know where Evan is, may not be able to do anything other than hope he’s okay and that he’s happy, but they cannot take from her the fact that she knows he’s real.

She knows her little brother is out there somewhere.

And one day, she will find him again.

Evan doesn’t know what’s happening when his mommy wakes him up. It’s still dark outside, and somehow he just knows it’s not morning time.

Dark eyes peer down at him, and he sees no love or kindness in her face. Almost instinctively, he tries to burrow under the covers, but she simply pulls him up and tells him to get dressed.

“You’re going on a trip.” She says, and for a long moment Evan gets excited. He’s never been out of the city before!

But then she’s telling him to be silent, not to wake his sister, and that confused Evan, because why wouldn’t Maddie be coming with them?

He gets his answer when he sees their neighbour – fondly known as Aunt Ella – at the door, tears in her eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” Ella says to his mommy, but mommy just shakes her head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Then he’s bundled into Ella’s car with nothing more than a backpack and his stuffed rabbit, tears streaking down his cheeks as he cries out for his mommy.

She just turns her back.

In that instant, little Evan’s heart breaks.

Ella is kind enough, but she’s not his mommy, and when he finally stops crying, too tired to do more than hide behind his bunny, she sighs.

“You’ll have a better life this way, Evan.”

They drive for a really, really long time. Evan sleeps for most of it, too upset and cried-out to do much else, and then Ella is stopping in front of a white bricked building that reads “LA General,” and lifts him out of the booster seat he was strapped into.

She hugs him, and he tries to cling to her, but then he’s being placed on the steps and she’s driving away.

Suddenly, he’s alone, and the tears wet his cheeks once more.

“Momma! Maddie!”

Someone finds him, blue scrubs and a kind smile, but he’s frightened and alone, and all he can do is curl in on himself. He doesn’t answer their questions, barely tells them his name, and it’s only from a note Ella left in his backpack that they know he’s Evan Buckley at all.

They put him in a house with other children, tell him he’ll get a new Mommy and Daddy, a new family, but all Evan wants is the family he had.

All he wants is for his Mommy to have loved him.

All he wants is Maddie.

He spends two years in several foster homes, in which time several care workers have passed him by, each one labelling him ‘mute’ and ‘skittish’ and other words that Evan doesn’t quite understand.

Where the other kids get excited every time a new set of prospective parents arrive, Evan holes himself further into a corner until they’ve gone, action figure clutches to his chest like a protector.

Then Bobby Nash arrives, a tentative smile on the man’s lips as he greets the children, like he’s not sure whether he should be there or not, and Evan looks.

He looks at the man who stands beneath the archway by the stairs, mere feet away from Evan’s newest hiding spot beneath the carpet covered steps, at the familiar outfit he’s wearing specifically.

Glancing between the man and the action figure he goes nowhere without, one of his few things from _home_ , the boy gives the briefest of smiles.

Shuffling out a little from his place, he pokes his head out. “You’re a firefighter.”

Bobby blinks down at the mop of blonde curls that obscure bright blue eyes, and feels his heart melt in an instant. He recognises the distrust in the boy’s eyes, mixed with intrigue, and gives him a smile. “I am.”

Evan shifts out a little further, ignores the wide eyed look Mrs Munroe and Miss Allie give him, and holds out his action figure. “Like Joe.”

Bobby can see the looks the carers are giving each other, and himself, and understands immediately the gravity of the situation; the trust the boy is deciding to place in him.

He kneels down to the boy’s height, still smiling softly. “Exactly like Joe.”

Evan cocks his head, blinks, then holds Joe out further, offering the man his toy. “He puts out fires and saves people.”

Bobby cautiously takes the toy, adjusts its arm so that the firehose Joe is holding points outwards, and makes a noise like its spraying water.

Evan grins. “No more fire.”

Bobby grins back, handing Evan his toy. “No more fire.”

Evan Buckley. Five years old. Abandoned at LA General two years ago.

Bobby’s heart breaks as Mrs Munroe tells him about Evan, glancing into the other room where the children are having lunch, supervised by Miss Allie. He spots Evan immediately, easily the smallest of the bunch, action figure still clutched to his chest as he eats with one hand.

“He doesn’t speak to anyone, even us.” She tells him. “The fact that he placed his trust in you…”

She doesn’t have to say any more. He knows what she’s implying, and where he’d first felt apprehension on entering, wondering if he was really ready to be anything close to a father again, he now feels nothing but certainty.

“I’d like to be his foster parent.”

He has the week off from work, takes three days painstakingly child-proofing the house and turning the spare room into Evan’s bedroom. He gets a friend from the station who’s really good at art and painting to help him, until the once bland storage room has been transformed into a replica firehouse, complete with a fire truck bed.

The way Evan’s eyes widen and his entire face lights up when he sees it, well… Bobby wouldn’t be hard pressed to say it was the best moment of his life since Robert and Brook were born.

Then the little boy turns to him, hand still in Bobby’s, and whispers, “Why?” and Bobby’s heart just about breaks all over again.

“Because I want you to feel safe and happy.”

The hug he gets in response is nothing short of pure joy, and it’s in that moment that Bobby vows to do everything he can to make sure Evan always feels safe and happy.

It’s in that moment that Bobby vows to do right by **his son**.

It’s still slow going, even after that, though. Evan has a lot of lingering trust issues, worries that Bobby isn’t going to keep him forever, even that he doesn’t deserve to be loved.

Bobby carefully talks though everything with him. He doesn’t treat Evan like a child, because as much as the boy deserves the best childhood – as much as that’s what Bobby wants to give him – he knows the trauma of what he’s been through has robbed him of that, at least in part.

He tells him that he’s here for as long as Evan needs him – that he’s never going to just disappear – and that he will always protect Evan.

“Like a superhero?” The boy asks, one evening.

“Just like a superhero.” Bobby agrees, hugging the boy.

Evan falls asleep curled into his side, and Bobby wonders if he really deserves to be this happy again.

He takes Evan into the firehouse the next day, at the boy’s insistence at seeing a real fire truck, and is more than thankful to his Captain for allowing him to do so.

If anything, Captain Shaw – Peter to the crew – is the biggest kid of them all, allowing Evan to turn on the siren, beep the horn, and even slide down the pole a half dozen times.

“Did you see me Mr Bobby?! Did you see?!” Evan cries with delight as he reaches the bottom for the seventh time that day, but Bobby simply grins at his foster son and nods.

“I sure did, buddy. That was perfect!”

Peter even ruffles Evan’s hair, earning a shy smile from the boy that Bobby counts as another step forward. “You’re gonna be a hell of a firefighter one day kid.”

“Really?” Evan’s bright eyes look up at the Captain, and Peter just goes one step further in placing his cap on the boy’s head. It reads _Captain – Station 118_ and Bobby feels his heart swell at the sight.

If Evan wants to follow in Bobby’s footsteps, then Bobby will do everything in his power to make sure it happens.

From the comments he gets from the crew later, he’s sure he’s not the only one who feels the same.

Bobby enrols Evan into school for the following September, and though it pulls on their bond to each other, on Evan’s worries and still frayed trust in people, the young boy agrees to give it a go.

He flourishes, excelling in many of the subjects, and Bobby couldn’t be prouder. There are no moments where he gets called in about anything, and Evan always comes home with a huge smile and several stories to tell him.

They’re nearing the end of the school year, Evan just about to turn six, when the subject of Father’s Day comes around.

Mother’s Day had already been a somewhat tumultuous affair, with Evan’s teacher stepping aside to speak to Bobby after school, informing him that Evan had rather loudly declared that his Mommy didn’t love him. Bobby had needed to explain the situation to her rather briefly, and promised to chat to Evan.

The night had ended with him holding a sobbing boy to his chest.

So with Father’s Day fast approaching, Bobby was wondering if they needed to have another talk. On the one hand, Evan hadn’t spoken about his father as much as he had his mother, and he now had Bobby. That said, Bobby wasn’t about to push the boy into accepting him as anything other than Mr Bobby, even if Bobby himself had thought Evan his son from the moment they met. On the other hand, he didn’t want to be pulled aside again.

He asks his colleagues for advice, gets mixed messages, and then one afternoon at the school gates, he hears something that stops him dead.

“Daddy!”

Evan tries to hide his tears with his sleeve as Miss Young tells them they’re going to be making Father’s Day cards, hiccupping into his fist, and he thinks he’s being quiet enough at the back of the class, but Miss Young still hears him.

“What’s wrong, Evan?” She asks him kindly, knelt beside his desk.

Evan sniffs. “I d-don’t h-have a d-daddy.”

Unlike last time though, Miss Young knows about Evan’s past, and just smiles softly. “What about Mr Bobby?”

Evan blinks at her, confused. Mr Bobby was great, but he wasn’t his Daddy. Evan’s Daddy hadn’t loved him, just like his Mommy. “Mr Bobby is Mr Bobby.”

“Does he look after you? Does he protect you when you’re hurt or feel scared?” She asks him, still smiling softly. “Sweetie, a Daddy isn’t always the Daddy you were born with. A Daddy is someone who loves you more than anything in the world, and who you know is always there for you.”

Evan remembers Bobby telling him that he won’t ever leave, that he will always protect Evan, and where this had once prompted Evan to call him a superhero, it’s another word that sticks in his mind now, and he nods at Miss Young, frown turning into a smile.

“So I can make him a card?”

“You sure can.”

Scrubbing away the last of his tears, Evan sets to work, asking for help with some of the words but pouring everything he has into the craft paper, pens and lolly pop sticks on his desk. He finishes the last part just as the bell rings, and then they’re lining up at the door, heading out into the yard, and he sees Bobby, and he can’t stop the call that pours from his lips.

“Daddy!”

He doesn’t see the shock on Bobby’s face, simply races across the yard and all but launches himself into Bobby’s arms, hugging him tightly.

“I made you something!” He calls, opening his backpack and pulling out the card he’d carefully placed inside.

Bobby gingerly takes the card, tears spilling from his eyes as he looks at the carefully drawn picture on the front; himself and Evan at the firehouse, complete with a lolly pop stick fire pole.

“Open it!” Evan cries, and Bobby does so, a sob ripping from his throat as he reads the words.

_You are the bestest Daddy in the whole world!_

_I love you lots,_

_Evan._

Pulling Evan into the tightest hug, Bobby says, “I love you too, kiddo. So much.”

He asks if Evan wants to be his son officially.

“I will always be your Daddy, but this means the whole world will know.” Bobby tells him. “And your last name can be Nash, like mine.”

“And I’ll stay here forever and forever?” Evan asks, grinning.

“And ever and ever.”

They host Evan’s sixth birthday party at the house, with many of his school friends attending, and the boy is eager to show off his Daddy and the rest of the firehouse crew.

It’s a far cry from how he was when Bobby first took him in, and the newly minted Daddy couldn’t be happier.

Not three months later, they stand at the courthouse, and Bobby can feel nothing but love as Evan tells the judge how much he wants to be a Nash.

“Daddy is the bestest Daddy in the whole world! He hugs me real tight when I have scary dreams and makes me hot cocoa with bunny marshmallows! And… And – ” The boy gushes for as long as he’s able about how much he loves being with Bobby, and then the judge is smiling widely at them both and declaring the adoption official, and Bobby just cries.

Tears of happiness streak down his cheeks and Evan hugs him tightly, as he’s presented with the official papers to sign, and then it’s done and they’re Robert and Evan Nash.

Father and son, forever.


	2. Growing Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! Thank you all so much for your wonderful, lovely comments on the last chapter. 40! That’s the most I’ve gotten on any chapter before, and I am so completely overwhelmed. Thank you!
> 
> I really, really hope you enjoy this chapter. It focuses a lot on Evan’s relationship with Athena, with more Evan and Bobby goodness too.
> 
> A quick warning for general angst, internalised insecurities, children in mild danger, OC character death, grief, more angst, Evan being Buck, and a super adorable trip to Disneyland.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, the Discovery Channel, or Disneyland :(

By the time Evan is nine, he’s almost completely adjusted to life with Bobby in LA.

There are still some nights where he’ll dream of a house he barely remembers, a faceless girl he calls Maddie reaching out to him, and will wake with a gasp and a tremor. On those nights Bobby will sit up with him, mug of cocoa in both their hands, and they’ll watch something on the Discovery Channel.

Evan will spend the next hour reciting facts and filling his brain with more information, sucking it all up like a sponge, before curling into his Dad’s embrace and falling asleep.

They always talk it through the following morning, and Bobby will always remind Evan that he is loved and always will be. There are no secrets between them; while Bobby doesn’t know much about the Buckley’s or Evan’s past, he’s never once lied to his son about what he does know.

“What if I wanted to find them?” Evan asks one particular morning, eyes shimmering just slightly under the fluorescent lights of the kitchen.

“Then we’ll find them.” Bobby answers with ease.

Evan doesn’t mention it again after that. They carry on their lives as if the question were never asked at all, and they’re happy.

For the most part.

Bobby will always thank anyone listening that he has his son in his life, that he was given another chance to be a father, but there’s still a hole in his heart where something is missing.

Where **someone** is missing.

He’s never broached the idea of dating since he’d adopted Evan – doesn’t know if the boy wants a mother, or how to even go about asking – but there’s definitely a part of Bobby that goes to bed every night wishing he had someone beside him.

He’ll never truly forgive himself for losing Marcy and the kids, but if he could get a second chance with Evan, who was to say he couldn’t get a second chance at love too?

And then he meets Athena.

Officer Athena Grant is smart, feisty and fierce, and Bobby’s pretty sure he falls in love with her instantly. She’s a tough cookie to break at first – to get into that inner circle of people she calls friends – but a few months pass and they get slowly closer with each incident they respond to together.

He doesn’t even know if he falls anywhere on her radar, knows very little about her love life except that she’s newly divorced, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to charm her with home made cooking dropped off at the police station.

And then he gets the type of call that every parent dreads.

Evan’s school bus has been in an accident, and while the officer on the phone assures him that the incident was minor, they’re still asking all parents to come down to the scene to collect their children.

He races there like the devil is on his tail, but what he sees on arriving stops him dead.

Evan is by no means a small child anymore, gangly legs have grown in making him look a little older than he is, but he’s still only nine, and the incident has clearly shaken him. His son looks peaky, a couple of tears marring his face, but the officer beside him – Athena – is wearing a small smile and speaking calmly to him.

He can see Evan nod, a wobbly smile appearing, and then he hugs Athena, and Bobby’s heart thuds in his chest.

“Dad!” His son spots him a second later, detaching from Athena and racing over to him. Bobby hugs him tightly, perhaps for a little longer than necessary, and thanks the gods that his boy is okay.

An instant later, he’s faced with a smiling but confused looking Athena. “You’ve one tough kid here, Bobby. He checked on all the other kids before we even got here.”

Pride fills Bobby’s chest, beaming down at his kid and then back up at Athena. “It helps when you have firefighters for family.”

Evan looks back at Athena, proudly announcing, “My Aunty Lily taught me to always triage!” His voice is still a little shaky, but whatever Athena said to him seems to have helped.

Athena recognises the name as being one of the paramedics at the 118, and smiles back at Evan. “Well it sounds like she’s a very smart lady.”

“Really smart!” Evan grins back at her. “She’s teaching me first aid! And Uncle Peter says I’m gonna be just like Dad when I grow up!”

Bobby grins and ruffles his hair. “That you are kid.”

“Seems like these things run in the family.” Athena says. “My May has already told me she wants to be a police officer, and she’s only seven.”

Bobby can’t help but raise a brow at that. “You have a kid?”

Athena raises her own as if to say _‘like I didn’t just find out about your own two minutes ago?’_ but replies, “Two. Harry is three.”

Bobby just smiles. “And I’m sure they take after their mother.”

She gives him a look that says _‘I’m onto you, Nash,’_ then bends down to Evan’s height and gives him a smile. “Let your Dad know if you don’t feel good, okay?”

“Okay.” Evan smiles back, hand gripped tight in Bobby’s, and then she’s melting back into the crowd and Bobby is just left wondering how she can so easily set his heart ablaze.

Perhaps it was seeing how easily the two interacted with each other – how good Athena was with Evan and how the boy hadn’t shied away from the new adult – but Bobby finds himself imbued with confidence a few days later.

It only takes him two attempts to actually call her, and then he’s booking them into her favourite restaurant – he remembers her mentioning it once when they were on a call a few doors down – for the following Friday, and asking Lily to watch Evan.

“So you’re getting back out there, huh?” Lily says with a grin in response.

“We’ll see.” Bobby replies; he’s not counting his chickens yet. “I just hope Evan’s okay with it.”

“He loves you, Bobby.” Lily replies. “I’m sure he wants nothing more than for you to be happy.”

Bobby knows that’s true, but it doesn’t seem to quite overcome Evan’s past trust issues, and Bobby finds himself staring at his son’s closed bedroom door as soon as he mentions it, heaving a sigh.

“Evan?”

The boy doesn’t respond, and Bobby feels at a loss for what to do. He doesn’t want to leave Evan when he’s upset, but Athena is waiting for him to pick her up, and he can’t just cancel on her now.

His son is more important though, and Bobby steels himself for tears or anger – he’s not sure which of those he’d prefer – as he pushes open the door.

“Evan?”

The nine year old is bundled under his covers. All Bobby can see is three small fingers gripping Joe, who is stood guard at the edge of the bed.

“Evan is sleeping.” Comes the reply, action figure jostled as if it is the one talking.

Bobby sighs and settles himself down on the edge of the bed. “Joe, can I please speak to Evan?”

There’s a small huff, and then the action figure disappears, Evan’s head peeking out from the covers. His face is blotchy, cheeks stained with tears. He doesn’t say anything, simply stares at his Dad, lip trembling.

“Buddy, why don’t you want me to go out tonight?”

Evan sniffs, mumbling something Bobby can’t hear.

“Use your words, kiddo.”

Evan sniffs again, wiping at his cheeks, then says. “It’s Pizza Party night.”

Instantly, Bobby could kick himself.

One of the traditions he’d started when Evan moved in was Pizza Party night every Friday. Just like hot cocoa after a bad dream, the aim was to give Evan more of a schedule and instil stability in their home; to show him that he wasn’t going anywhere.

And in his excitement at Athena accepting his offer to take her out, in his focus on Friday being her free night, he’d let it slip his mind.

Pizza and board games was their Friday **thing** , and Bobby had let him down.

Scooping up boy and covers, Bobby holds him close. “I’m sorry buddy.”

“It’s okay.” Evan replies, burying his head in his Dad’s shoulder.

“No, it’s not, and I’m not going anywhere, kiddo.” Bobby replies, an idea quickly forming. “But… how would you feel if Miss Athena joined us?”

Evan blinks up at him. “You were gonna go out with Miss Athena?”

“Yeah, but would you mind if she joined us for Pizza Party night instead?”

It takes a moment, but eventually Evan nods. “Okay.”

Maybe he’s a little naïve to think ‘Crisis averted’ as Evan runs off to get the pizza menu and he sets about calling Athena, but Bobby knows his son – easily the sweetest kid in the world – and it’s the first time they’ve ever had any sort of issue like this. He knows he should have spoken to Evan first before he made any plans, and is just thankful that Athena is completely understanding.

He sends an Uber for her, which arrives not ten minutes later, and then they set about ordering the pizza and picking out their first game.

It goes well, for the most part. There are a few moments where Evan gets grumpy because Bobby got distracted by something Athena was saying and forgot his turn or what was going on, but it’s rather pleasant, all in all.

Until Athena politely asks for Evan to help her clear the board game away while Bobby takes care of the pizza boxes and then all hell breaks loose.

“You’re not my Mom!” Evan yells at her.

Bobby whirls, mortified and embarrassed. “Evan Nash!” It’s the first time he’s ever had to raise his voice.

Evan promptly bursts into tears and races to his room, door slamming shut once more, while Athena just stares at the spot the boy once occupied.

Bobby drops the pizza boxes back onto the side, raking a hand through his hair. “Athena, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

To her credit, Athena just smiles and shakes her head. “It’s not your fault Bobby. It’s neither of our faults. Or his.” She takes his hand, squeezing softly. “Kids just don’t like change.”

“It was one night.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She responds. “All he sees is someone else taking up your time. Lord knows May went through something similar when she found out me and her Dad were splitting up.”

Bobby just sighs. “I should go talk to him.”

Athena just presses a kiss to his cheek. “Let me.”

The first thing she does is knock.

Bobby tells her briefly about Evan’s early childhood, and Athena has had enough dealings with children from similar backgrounds to know that things have to be on their terms.

In this case, Evan needs to know that she respects his boundaries.

“Evan? It’s Miss Athena. Can I come in?”

There’s a scuffle and a sniffle, and then a quiet voice says, “Okay.”

Slowly Athena pushes the door open, and the first thing she notices is how vibrant the room is – firehouse red and decked out to look like the real thing – and she can’t help but smile at the sad little boy on the bed.

“This is a pretty cool room.”

Evan sniffles and nods. “Dad made it for me.”

“He’s a really cool Dad, huh?” She says softly.

“The best.”

She waits for a minute as he wipes his tears away, then gestures to the little stool at a desk by the bed. “Can I come sit with you?”

“If you want.” Evan replies, feet scuffing on the floor. He looks as embarrassed as Bobby was now, as if he hadn’t expected her to still be so nice to him.

Slowly she moves over, taking the seat, then says. “You wanna tell me why you got upset when I asked you to help me put the game away?”

“It’s stupid.” Evan whispers.

Athena just shakes her head. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, baby.”

Evan blinks up at her, then shrugs. “Pizza Party night is mine and Dad’s thing.”

“And you don’t want to share it.”

“Yes. No…” Evan scuffs at the floor again. “I just… I don’t want him to go away.”

“Baby, me being here isn’t going to take your Dad away.” Athena says gently. “I can promise you that.”

“B… But we were happy when… when it was just us.”

“I’m sure you were.” She tells him. “I just want to make your Dad happier.”

“Why?” Evan bursts out, looking at her. “Why does he need more than me?”

All at once, Athena understands, and her heart goes out to the boy at the same time as her anger rises in relation to those who abandoned him. “Listen to me, Evan. You are everything your Dad needs. Everything. But sometimes, grown-ups need another grown-up to be happy too. That has nothing to do with you baby. It’s just part of being a grown-up.”

“I never want to be a grown-up.” Evan declares at that, and Athena can’t help but laugh.

“I think your Dad wishes you can stay a kid forever too.”

“I’m sorry.” The boy whispers then, looking at her with watery eyes. “For being naughty.”

“It’s okay, baby.” Athena replies, offering him a smile. “I’m not here to be your Mom, okay? How about I just be your friend?”

“Okay.”

Things are still a little rocky at times, but Athena is nothing less than patient with Evan, even as her and Bobby’s relationship progresses. Bobby has the same challenges to face upon meeting May – Harry young enough to just accept the new adult in his life pretty easily – but the two almost-siblings have each other to rely on too.

Evan and May end up being two peas in a pod, mischievous and wild, but neither parent would disagree with the fact that it makes life interesting. From climbing the tree in Athena’s back yard and digging holes in the lawn, to getting slime stuck in Bobby’s carpet, they wouldn’t change their little family for anything.

The turning point comes when they take a family trip to Disneyland for the weekend. Evan is just tall enough to ride the _‘scary rides’_ but he still needs someone to accompany him, and where Bobby – ironically – has a phobia of rollercoasters, Athena is more than happy to take him.

Evan looks between them, as if trying to weigh up whether going with Miss Athena is better than not going at all, and then nods, reluctantly taking her hand.

Athena, seeing this as her chance to really bond with the boy, tells Bobby they might be a while, because they **have** to ride **all** of the _‘scary rides’_. Bobby just chuckles, and says he’ll take May and Harry on some of the smaller ones. They’ll meet at the hot dog parlour later.

Heading off with her hand firmly around Evan’s, she says, “Okay, Evan, which one do you want to ride first?”

“Splash mountain!” Evan grins back at her, but they don’t stop there. They go through a total of six rides, each of them Evan’s choice, before he declares himself hungry.

She texts Bobby to let him know, and then they’re heading off to the hot dog parlour. But as they pass one of the multiple stores dotted around the park, this one Star Wars themed, Evan lets out a gasp of surprise and happiness. “Yoda!”

Sure enough, the strange green Jedi sits prominently displayed in one of the windows for all to see; a cute plushy about the size of Evan’s head.

Looking down at the boy who was denied of so much for the first few years of his life, Athena can’t not take him inside the store, finding the display and asking him the all-important question of “Do you want one, baby?”

Evan’s sparkling eyes answer for him, but he still says “Really?” in a small breath, like he can hardly believe it.

Athena just grabs one of the toys in response and heads over to the cashier. The moment she hands him the bag, Evan is latching onto her leg screaming “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Pressing a kiss to his head, she says, “You’re welcome,” and then they’re heading back through the park towards Bobby, May and Harry, where Evan is eager to show off his new toy.

And if Athena overhears him whisper to Bobby, “If you wanted to marry Miss Athena, I guess that would be okay,” she pretends not to have heard anything at all.

They do get married a little over a year later, after Bobby – now having had his son’s blessing, and getting May’s too – proposes on their anniversary. Athena manages to get upgraded to just ‘Athena,’ losing the ‘Miss’, and she counts it as a win. As much as she’d love to be graced with a different title, just as May and Harry now call Bobby ‘Dad,’ she would never push it.

It doesn’t matter if Evan never calls her ‘Mom.’

He’s still her boy.

They all move into Athena’s house, and while Evan mourns the loss of his fire truck bedroom, they paint his new room with glow in the dark paints to represent the solar system, and he loves it just as much. He refers to Harry and May as his brother and sister, as they call him their brother, and the Grant-Nash family settle into a familiar routine.

And then the 118 is called to a factory fire, and everything changes in a single instant.

“Mayday! Mayday! Firefighter down!” The call blares through the radio, turning the blood of every member of the responding teams to ice. “Captain Shaw is down!”

They get him out and to the hospital, but it’s not enough and he passes away shortly after. The 118 family is struck by grief, and Bobby is left to tell Evan that his favourite uncle can’t see him anymore.

The now twelve year old screams and cries until he’s spent of energy, and then he just sits shaking in Bobby’s embrace.

“Why do people you love go away?”

It’s a question Bobby can’t answer, and one he has always wondered himself.

The next few days pass in a blur. Bobby is promoted to the Captain of the 118, having completed his certifications a few months prior, but he’s filled with anxiety over the shoes he’s left to fill, and it leaves mainly Athena to deal with Evan’s emotional outbursts until one day when he asks the question that all but breaks her heart in two.

“Can you find my parents?” He asks ever so quietly. “I don’t… I just want to know why.”

So she does, and the day she comes home with their number – having called in several favours to track them down, being that they only had Evan’s old surname, his date of birth, and the name Maddie – Bobby is out on a night shift, which leaves Evan to ask her;

“Will you stay with me?”

His hand is trembling around the phone receiver, but her answer is immediate, sitting down on the couch beside him.

Slowly, he dials the number scrawled on the paper sat atop his leg.

“Margaret Buckley.” Comes the response, and for a moment Evan’s mouth dries up.

What does he call her? She’s not Mom but…

“Um… Hi. This is… This is Evan.”

A pause, and he swallows thickly.

“Your son? I… I just wondered if… if Maddie is – ”

She cuts him off before he can finish asking for the sister he barely remembers, tone cold and hard.

“Don’t call this number again.”

He hears the slam of the receiver before the call cuts out, and it jerks him where he sits, cheeks heated with shame and tears pricking at his eyes.

A moment passes, his breathing heavy, and then he throws their own phone across the room, pained scream tearing from his throat.

It’s not like he expected “We’re sorry” or “We love you,” but to barely let him speak, to act so coldly to someone you’re supposed to love unconditionally?

It brings up every ounce of Evan’s insecurities and leaves them on display for everyone to see.

It leaves him feeling raw and vulnerable, something he hasn’t been in such a way for a very, very long time.

He wants to hit something, throw something else, scream, shout, and yet all that happens is that he breaks down in tears, shaking violently on the couch, head buried in his hands.

Warm arms envelop him, pulling him close, and Evan just sinks into Athena’s embrace.

“Listen to me, baby.” She whispers, rubbing a hand up and down his back and pressing a kiss to his head. “You are a wonderful, amazing, kind, caring person, and if they don’t want to get to know you – if they don’t want to see that – then that’s on them, not you. Me and your Dad, we thank god every day that we get to be in your life; that we get to see you grow and get to love you with everything we have. We are here for you, baby, and we’re never going anywhere. I promise you that.”

Evan’s cries quieten, breathing evening out, big blue eyes peering up at Athena from within her embrace.

“Whatever reason they had for giving you up,” She continues, “I’m glad for it. Because it means me and your Dad get you instead.”

Evan just wraps his arms around her, hugging her tight. “Thanks.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you so much, Mom.”

Athena’s heart swells, and she promises in that moment that if she ever lays eyes on Margaret and Philip Buckley, she’s going to give them a piece of her mind.

No-one hurts her boy and gets away with it.

Evan is fifteen the first time he saves a life, and it sets off a chain of events he never could see coming.

It’s his birthday, and though he has to go to school – which he doesn’t actually mind, especially when his best friends sneak him a cupcake and give him a new video game – his parents promise that they’re going to have a big celebration at the weekend.

The end of the day brings soccer practice, and then he, Jamal and Ryan are walking back to Evan’s house when they see it.

Thick black smoke rising in plumes from a two story house a little further down the road.

The three boys don’t even need to say anything before they take off towards the scene, Jamal already calling 911 on his mobile. He rattles off the address as Evan heads down the side of the house in search of a hose, forever thankful not only for his firehouse 118 family but also his training as a fire cadet.

Flames aren’t yet licking at the windows, instead the smoke seems to be emanating from just one side of the house, and Evan finds himself assessing the situation without even thinking about what he’s doing.

A long hose sits coiled up beside the back gate, attached to a tap on the side of the house, and luckily it isn’t the side that has been affected by flames. Heaving himself over the back fence, Evan tries to look inside the house to check if anyone is trapped inside.

Then he hears it:

“Help! Someone help me!”

He acts without thinking, the space around them devoid of the comforting sounds of an approaching engine.

“Ryan! On the tap! Jamal! Get the hose and pass it over the fence!”

The three Fire Cadets work quickly, feeding the hose over the fence and into Evan’s hands, and then he’s standing by the thankfully unlocked back door. “Charge it!”

The hose fills with water, and then Evan is heading inside, praying that the actual engine shows up soon, and that the person in need of help is nowhere near the flames.

He uses the hose as a guide through the hazy grey smoke that fills the air, scarf pulled up around his mouth, and keeps his eyes out for any sign of flames or a person.

“Fire cadet! Call out!” He yells, hoping it will entice the person to respond, and then another call reaches his ears.

“Over here!”

He finds a young woman by the base of the stairs, thankfully nowhere near the flames which he can see are lighting the underside of a closed door. Unfortunately, she does have a rather nasty compound fracture, and Evan doesn’t have any medical supplies with him.

“Are you the only one here?”

She nods between hacking coughs. “I don’t know what happened. The bedroom started filling with smoke and I ran downstairs and fell.”

Evan pulls his scarf off, holding his breath the best he can, and wraps it tightly around the woman’s injury. “Lean on me.” He says quickly, trying not to breathe in too much of the acrid smoke, and then he’s helping her up and out through the back door.

He can’t lift her over the fence, and her keys to the gate are inside, but at the very least he’s able to move them both over to the base of the garden, as far away from the flames as possible.

A moment later, Jamal’s voice calls “Fire department is here!” and then the back gate is being broken down, and his Dad is there, and Evan can breathe again.

“Captain!” He calls out for the man, deciding to stay professional rather than personal, even if he knows he’s going to get a dressing down later for putting himself in danger.

He can see the moment his Dad realises exactly who is slumped at the bottom of the garden with the woman occupant, but presses forward with a report amid a lingering cough of his own. “Single occupant with a compound fracture to the right crus, unknown if tibia or fibula. No other persons reported. Fire seems to be located behind a closed door in the front left portion of the house. Potential for backdraft.”

There’s a long moment where Bobby just stares at him, and then the Captain nods, “Good work cadet,” and starts calling out orders to his crew. Evan watches his Aunt Lily and Uncle Dave approach, medical bags in each of their hands, and slips away from the young woman so they can tend to her.

Lily gives him a sly wink that tells Evan she’s proud of him, and he lets that carry him back through the now fallen gate towards his friends, where he slumps into the grass.

“You okay?” Jamal asks him, Ryan also looking concerned, and then one of the members of the 118 that Evan doesn’t recognise – the new probie, he assumes – is handing him a small oxygen tank and telling him to breathe slowly.

It takes a little while for them to get the fire under control, and then Evan is watching his Dad approach, expression unreadable.

Bobby looks down at his kid, torn between berating him for putting himself in danger and telling him he’s proud of him for saving a life, and just sighs. “We’ll talk about this at home.” Then, “You okay, son?”

Evan shrugs, cheeky grin sliding into place. “Just a little smoke. No biggie.”

Bobby playfully whacks his arm, eyes rolling. “Sarcasm, check. You’re fine.”

Evan’s still grinning. “Always Pops.” But he can’t deny the pride that surges through him as the members of the 118 clap him on the back and tell him it was a ‘good save’.

It’s in that moment that Evan knows his desire to be a firefighter never ended with his childhood.

It was simply who he was.

It was in his blood.

A few short hours later, in Hershey, Pennsylvania, Maddie Buckley sits watching the television as the nightly news begins.

_“In national news, a young boy has been heralded as a hero after rescuing a young woman from her burning home. Evan Nash, fifteen, the son of a fire Captain and a police officer, was on his way home from school with two friends when they saw the beginning of the blaze. The three local Fire Cadets rushed over, calling 911, but young Evan took it a step further when he entered the home, rescuing Anna Lane, who had fallen in her effort to escape and badly injured her leg.”_

_“I thank god that he was there.” Anna tells the reporter, lain up in a hospital bed. “Because I don’t know what might have happened otherwise.”_

_“Though the rescue service was minutes away and the fire quickly contained, smoke damage to the house shows how bad the situation might have been, had young Evan not been there in time.”_

_The report shows the insides of the home, walls blackened with soot and fire damage._

_“The incident quickly became viral, with several neighbours and passers by posting videos of the heroic rescue.”_

_Wobbly footage begins playing, before freezing on a frame of the young boy in question._

Maddie jerks upright, freezes at the sight of the boy on the screen. He’s much older, blonde hair long and untamed, partially obscuring bright blue eyes, but it’s the birthmark around one eye that she locks onto; a birthmark she would recognise anywhere and has dreamed about for twelve years.

“Evan…”

It was her brother. Her baby brother whom she lost so long ago – whom her parents had tried to make her forget.

She never had, and the promise to one day find him comes immediately to the forefront of her mind.

She wasn’t letting him go again.

Racing over to her computer, it’s easy enough to find a written article about the incident, complete with the station that Evan’s Fire Captain Dad works at. Pulling up the Station page on the LAFD website, she manages to find an email address for Captain Robert Nash, and immediately sets about typing.

_Dear Captain Nash,_

_My name is Maddie Buckley, and I am 18 years old. Twelve years ago, my baby brother was abandoned by our parents, but I’ve never forgotten about him. I’ve always wanted to find Evan; to both know him and know that he’s happy and well cared for. While seeing a news report about his actions today had given me the answer I’ve sought for so long, it does nothing about my need to talk to him. To say I’m sorry for not being able to protect him._

_If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m sorry, and let me rephrase._

_I believe your son is my little brother, and I’d love nothing more than to talk to him, if he and you would let me?_

_Thank you,_

_Maddie._


	3. Becoming Buck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, you are all phenomenal! Another 40 comments! I have a lot of this story planned out but I’m loving seeing all your reactions/thoughts; you’ve even inspired me to add two extra things in that I wasn’t going to have, haha!
> 
> This chapter very much focuses on Evan’s later stages of growth, and how he still – pretty much anyway – becomes the ‘Buck’ we all know and love. Lots of feels and angst ahead.
> 
> Also, someone asked about Michael so I just want to say that he is around for May and Harry, but he likely won’t feature in the story. I love Michael, but I just can’t figure him into what is such a personal story about Evan.
> 
> Trigger warning for PTSD, depression, two cases of Whump and general angst. Read with care, and if you are struggling, talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, or Lt Cmdr Steve McGarrett/SmoothDog.

Bobby scrubs a hand over his face, expression weary, as he sits in the living room with his wife, going over the day’s events. The kids were in the back garden; the teenagers playing with and looking after a now nine year old Harry.

“I used to think his desire to follow in my footsteps was great. Like it was the ultimate accolade of being a Dad, but now…” Bobby sighs. “Now I’m worried.”

“Which is understandable.” Athena replies, wrapping an arm around him and pressing a kiss to his temple. “But I don’t think his choices have anything to do with you. Or your profession, anyway.”

Bobby leans into the embrace, even as a frown tugs at his lips. “You don’t?”

“I don’t.” She confirms. “We both know that boy didn’t get the best start in life. Then you saved him, gave him a second chance. If his desire to help people, to save **them** , is anything to do with you, then it’s because of something you’ve already done, not what you’re doing now.”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Kids get hurt. It’s part of growing up.” Her gaze slips over to the glass doors that look out onto the backyard; to the three children she loves so much. “The most important thing is that we pick them back up.”

“When did you get so wise?”

She looks back at him with a laugh. “In general, or about Evan?”

“I mean…” Bobby can’t help but grin a little. Evan’s reluctance to accept Athena at first had been a strain for both of them.

“You thought I was a tough cookie to crack, that boy is worse. But when you do break through…” Her eyes sparkle with memory. “That boy has bent my ear from the moment he called me Mom.”

It’s news to Bobby, but he’s not wholly surprised; Athena has always had a way about her that’s warm and comforting.

She looks back to the yard. “But, for now, maybe we just tell him **not** to run into burning buildings without the proper equipment.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Maybe Bobby shouldn’t have said the words ‘I just don’t want him to get hurt,’ or perhaps fate had simply decreed that Evan would face hardships in his life regardless of which universe he was living in.

Either way their family movie marathon to celebrate Evan’s birthday, complete with more snacks than any of them could possibly eat, is broken by the distinct ping of an email on Bobby’s phone. Evan pauses the movie almost immediately, but Bobby waves it off, saying “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

As much as modern technology really was making daily life more hassle-free, it was also making it harder to just enjoy moments like these.

“It could be important.” Evan rebukes. He knows the email is for the firehouse Captain, and understands and respects the responsibility on Bobby’s shoulders. “And Harry’s almost asleep anyway.”

“Am not.” The nine year old mumbles, even though his eyelids are at half-mast and he’s more than happily curled up to his big brother.

“Come on, Bean.” Evan grins, lifting him up and heading for the stairs. Having always been on the smaller side for his age, ‘Jelly Bean’ was the fond nickname given to him from the moment the two had met.

Harry grumbles, but doesn’t fight it, simply resting his head on Evan’s shoulder.

Athena smiles fondly at the two, but it drops the moment she turns to her husband, who is gazing at his phone screen like it’s telling him the world is about to implode.

For the Grant-Nash family, it probably is.

“Bobby?”

May too follows her mother’s gaze, frowning. “Dad? You okay?”

He wordlessly passes it to her, and slowly Athena’s face morphs to match her husband’s.

“May,” Her hand quivers around the device just slightly, “Go make sure Harry’s in bed, and send Evan back down please.”

Their daughter looks at them both strangely, but does as she asks, and then they’re faced with a confused looking 15 year old, brow furrowed as he stares back at them.

“What’s wrong? Mom? Dad?”

Athena just passes him the phone, badge on his chest sparkling in the dimly lit room. “Looks like you got one more birthday present, baby.”

Evan’s expression doesn’t clear as he takes it, but then he reads the words that are lighting up the screen and stumbles, hand gripping onto the nearest surface for support. “M-Maddie?”

“It seems she saw what happened today, and recognised you.” Bobby says softly, worry for his son increasing as Evan stands there frozen, face pale.

“H-How?” Evan’s hands are trembling around the device, tears collecting beneath his eyelids.

“You’ve got a distinctive look, baby.” Athena says with a smile. “But it sounds to me like she never stopped looking for you.”

Evan touches the birthmark around his eye instinctively. “I can’t believe this.”

“I can do a check to make sure it’s real, or you could ask her questions you can verify?” She says then. They’ve told very few about Evan’s past, so it’s not like it’s knowledge anyone could use to trick them, but the last thing she wants is for Evan to get his hopes up only to be duped.

“Or you can trash it?” Bobby adds. The last thing he wants is for Evan to feel pressured into responding, after twelve years of no contact; especially after what Athena told him about the day he tried calling them.

But he wants to try, and after several moments of tears and hugs, of the two parents reminding him that they’re there for him and always will be, he sets up his own email address and copies Maddie’s into the bar at the top.

_Maddie,_

_I don’t really know what to say. I’m not sure if I even believe it, to be honest._

_I hope you don’t mind if I ask you some questions first, just to make sure?_

_1) When is my birthday?_

_2) Where did you grow up?_

_3) What was my favourite toy?_

_Evan._

It’s not much to go off, but if she really is his sister, then they only had three years together. Three years that he barely remembers himself.

He hits the send button, stomach churning. Thankfully, a reply comes through barely an hour later.

_Evan,_

_I’ve never been happier than in this moment._

_Thank you for giving me a chance._

_In answer to your questions, your birthday is today (for a few more hours anyway). Happy birthday little brother, I hope you’ve gotten everything in this world and more. You deserve to be happy._

_I grew up in Hershey, PA, where I still live._

_Your favourite toy was a firefighter action figure who you named Joe. I got him for you for your second birthday, with help from a neighbour we called Aunt Ella. It makes me smile to know you’re a Fire Cadet now._

_I wasn’t expecting anything when I wrote to your Dad. I just wanted to know you’re safe and happy._

_That’s all I’ve ever wanted._

_Maddie._

The emotions that run through Evan as he reads her reply over and over are something he can’t quite describe. It feels like coming home, except… not quite, because he has a home right here.

Maybe it’s more like finding a piece of yourself that you didn’t know was missing, but whatever it is, it makes him smile.

He tells her all about living in LA, about his family here, and his desire to join the firehouse in a few more years. He tells her about everything, and in turn, she tells him everything about her that he’s missed. She tells him they have an older brother too, Daniel, who’s travelling the world.

She doesn’t mention why they left him, and he doesn’t ask.

They move quickly to texting, shorter messages and jokes, the odd voice message that leaves both beaming from ear to ear.

They celebrate Maddie’s 19th birthday over video chat, and as much as she would have loved to visit with them, she knows she could never keep it from her parents.

Christmas comes and goes, and while Maddie tells Evan not to send her anything in case her parents find out, she still mails him a little box of chocolates for May and Harry, plus a new game he’s been wanting for himself.

She sends him the money for his driving classes when he turns 16, having started working as a student nurse, and he’s filled with pride when he tells her he passed, only four months later.

When she turns 20, he asks her again why they can’t visit. She tells him her parents are paying her college fees, that she can’t upset them, and he doesn’t push, even though it hurts.

For just over eighteen months, they have each other in their lives, like they always should have.

And then Maddie meets Doug, and two months later, she disappears from his life;

_E: Maddie, the best thing happened at soccer today! I scored three out of our five goals, and coach said he’s gonna put me on the varsity team! (Sent 7 th November)_

_E: Is your phone on the fritz again? (Sent 8 th November)_

_E: Dad said he’d send you a new one if you needed. (Sent 8 th November)_

_E: Maddie? (Sent 9 th November)_

_E: Is everything okay? I’m getting really worried now. (Sent 10 th November)_

_E: If you don’t respond I might have to get Mom to put out a search warrant for you. (Sent 12 th November)_

_E: Okay, that’s a joke. I don’t think she can actually do that. (Sent 12 th November)_

_E: Maddie, it’s been a week. Are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay. (Sent 14 th November)_

_E: If you’re tired of me telling you all about my high school crap, just say. I don’t mind. (Sent 18 th November)_

_E: Maddie? (Sent 19 th November)_

_E: Did I do something wrong? (Sent 3 rd December)_

_E: Merry Christmas. I know you always said not to send anything but… I did. I hope you like it. (Sent 25 th December)_

_E: Happy New Year big sister. I love you. (Sent 1 st January)_

_E: Where did you go? (Sent 27 th January)_

_E: Why did you go? (Sent 1 st February)_

The day he realises that he’s once again been abandoned by someone with the surname Buckley, is the day that he doesn’t come home from school.

May calls Bobby and Athena, both at their respective stations, frantic. Less than an hour later, the whole family plus most of the team at Station 118 are out searching the streets of LA.

“I should have seen it.” Bobby whispers to himself, flashlight gripped tightly in his hand. It’s nearing 11pm, and his stomach is in knots.

“How could you have known?” Chimney responds; the 118’s latest member. A hilarious incident had earned him the nickname, but having been with them close to two years now, Bobby was confident in the other man’s skills. He’d fit into their fire-fam seamlessly, and was definitely a sort of older brother figure to Evan.

Even in the dark streets, Bobby could see the worry lining the twenty-two year old’s own features.

“He’s not been himself since Maddie stopped responding but… we’ve talked to him, told him we’re all here… I guess I just thought he’d come to us when he was ready…”

Chim sighs. “Bobby, we all know there are some things you just have to work out on your own.”

“I know.” Bobby responds, flicking open his phone as a message comes through. “I just wish he never had to.” His eyes widen as he reads the message from his wife, turning to Chim in an instant. “We need to get to Lakeside.”

Not twenty minutes later, they’re rushing through the ER doors and Bobby is immediately pulled into a hug by his wife. “He’s okay.” She breathes. “He went to clear his head and as he was coming home, he got knocked off his bike.”

“But he’s okay?” Bobby responds, hugging her back just as tight, panic still flowing through him.

“He’s okay.” She repeats, pulling back a little and taking his hand. “Driver called for an ambulance, but the doctor just spoke to us. Mild concussion and a broken arm.”

Bobby breathes a sigh of relief as she leads them down the hallway towards the outpatient ward. “May’s with him now. They’re just finishing a couple other tests, but they’re probably not going to keep him in.”

“Thank god.” Bobby whispers, throwing up a thank you to anyone and everyone listening for keeping his boy safe.

The moment he lays eyes on Evan, he’s rushing over and pulling his boy into the tightest hug, while the teary eyed patient just sobs into his Dad’s shoulder and repeats “I’m sorry,” over and over.

“It’s okay.” Bobby tells him, pressing a kiss to the boy’s head. It doesn’t matter if he’s almost seventeen, he’ll always be Bobby’s little boy. “As long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters.”

Evan shakes in his father’s embrace, hand clasped in his sister’s and his mother’s warm grip on his shoulder. “I just got so angry…” He whispers. “Like why even bother contacting me if she was just gonna throw it all away?”

And then he asks the very question he’d asked four years prior. “Why do people you love go away?”

It’s a question that Bobby still can’t answer.

Evan finishes school another year and a half later, but while the now eighteen year old is completely determined to join the Fire Academy in the hopes of later joining the 118, Bobby still has his reservations.

“You’ve never really left LA.” He says after Evan’s graduation. “Maybe take some time to see the world before you decide?”

“Not ready to have me under your wing yet?” Evan grins in response. He knows his Dad is protective of him; especially after the incident with his bike.

“You’ve been under my wing since you were five.” Bobby responds. “I just think it’s time you spread your own.”

“Time to fly, huh?”

“You’ll have a wife and kids, and a mortgage, soon enough.” Bobby hugs him close. “I don’t want you to regret not giving yourself time to explore.”

“You trying to say something, pops?” Evan grins, hugging him back tightly.

“Not at all.”

Evan adjusts his cap as it slips, grin widening further. “I can’t fly, but how about I swim?”

It had been a thought in his mind since his school’s career fair when he was sixteen, becoming a Navy SEAL, but he’d never entertained it much because he’d been dead set on joining the Academy.

But now, he didn’t see why he couldn’t give it a try. He didn’t have to enlist until he completed training, after all.

The look his Dad gives him says it all really – ‘you couldn’t have picked something **less** dangerous than firefighting, no, you had to pick something **more** dangerous’ – but as it was his idea for him to try something else, he can’t really say anything.

His **Mom** meanwhile, is more than happy to explain in great detail how dangerous it is, but after an hour of doing so, she just hugs him tight, tells him she loves him and says “you’re going to be amazing.”

He believes it.

His first day of training is a few weeks later, having easily passed the physical metrics and the mental test, and despite his nerves, he’s super excited.

He shoots a quick email off to Maddie, even if he’s sure she’ll never pick it up. It’s become somewhat of a habit, but whether it’s to still feel close to her, or to show he’s fine without her, he’s not sure.

It doesn’t say much more than ‘ _Hey Maddie, I’m starting SEAL training today. Pretty cool, huh?’_ but it’s something at least.

He’s introduced to the other new recruits, seven of them all in total. They’re told immediately that they’re a team, that they will be assessed as such as well as individually, and that there will be eyes on them the entire time. They’re going to be assessed on every breath they make, because the SEALs have to be constantly aware of their surroundings, constantly on guard, and it sets thrills of adrenaline through him.

A year passes in the blink of an eye. He completes the BUD/S and SQT training easier than he expected, like it was what he was born to do, and the thoughts he’d had initially about whether he was doing the right thing just melt away. Maybe he would have made a great firefighter, maybe the 118 could have continued being home, but his Dad was right when he’d said Evan needed to spread his wings.

He couldn’t feel freer.

And then he’s called out of his bunks on the last morning before further training, called to the Commander’s Office, and everything starts to crack around him as he wonders what he could have done wrong.

He stands to attention outside the door, is called inside and makes a parade rest, then notices the other man stood beside the Commander’s chair, and can’t help but frown. “Sir?”

“Cadet Nash, at ease.”

He slips into the familiar posture, but his brow remains furrowed as he assesses the other man. Dark hair, stance betraying his own military service, though without a uniform Evan can’t tell what his rank is. He assumes the man is a SEAL, at the very least.

“This is Lieutenant Commander McGarrett.” Commander Addison tells him, a light smile playing on his lips at his Cadet’s clear astuteness. “He’s here to make you an offer, Cadet Nash.”

McGarrett is an imposing man even without knowing his rank, and Evan finds his back straightening further, expression refusing to betray his intrigue. “Pleasure to meet you, sir!” He calls out, but surprisingly, McGarrett just chuckles.

“At ease, Cadet.”

It’s then that Evan notices how the man’s posture is slouched slightly, relaxed even, and he can’t help but wonder how such a man has made it so far in the Navy.

“Evan. Can I call you Evan?” He doesn’t wait for a response. “I’ve been put in charge of a rather elite SEAL team, and I’m looking for a demolitions expert. Commander Addison has shown me some of your work, and allowed me to observe you for the past few weeks.”

So Evan had been feeling eyes on him. He’d wondered if he was going crazy.

“And I have to say I’m impressed.” McGarrett continues. “So my offer to you is this. You forgo the rest of your training. Unfortunately you’ll miss graduation, but I think you’ll see that this is much more worth your while. Start with my team as our demo expert, and see where it takes you.”

Evan blinks. “Permission to speak freely sir?”

“Granted.”

“I’m just coming to the end of my twelfth month. Surely there are other people more qualified.”

“Maybe.” McGarrett shrugs. “But I want someone young, astute, and more importantly mouldable. My team has to be able to adapt to any situation. They have to be chameleons. What I’ve seen in you… that’s what I want.”

It sets his body alight with the same excitement and adrenaline that had filled him on his first day of training, and he really has to smother a grin as he says, “When do I start?”

His classmates are less than enthused about him being handpicked, but McGarrett is beside him as one of them grumbles “Bucking the rest of us then,” and the Cadet’s mouth shuts as quickly as it had opened.

McGarrett – as Evan is finding seems to be rather common – just grins. “Maybe you should have tried harder, Cadet,” he says as he leads Evan back out of the dorms with his belongings, and then the grin is being directed at him as the Lt Cmdr says, “You know what? I like that.”

Evan just looks at him, befuddled. “Like what, sir?”

“Saying you’re **bucking** them.” The other man is still grinning, almost wildly now. “That should be your call sign. Buck.”

Evan tries not to flinch at the similarity between it and his former surname – his single tie to the biological family who abandoned him – but it seems he has no choice in the matter.

McGarrett refuses to call him anything else after that.

They fast track him to Petty Officer Third Class, and introduce him to the rest of McGarrett’s team. They’re all young, even McGarrett he finds out is only 28, and he can suddenly understand why they’d been so interested in having him join.

They’re the shadows in the night, the threat that lingers just out of view, and the next two years are more than anything Evan could have ever dreamt.

He still sends Maddie an email when he can, just as he talks to his family when able, but they get fewer and further between as their missions intensify.

Libya, Iraq, Asia… places he’d never thought he’d get to visit are suddenly within his grasp, and yes the work is hard – his many sleepless nights plagued with terrors attest to that – but it’s fulfilling too.

He’s making the world a safer place.

He’s saving people.

And then a mission goes sideways, and suddenly the world he has built around himself is blown to smithereens in a matter of seconds.

He watches as people he’s come to love die right in front of him, holds one of his _brothers_ in his arms as he passes away, and there’s no amount of therapy that can scrub their blood from the walls of his mind.

“Buck!” McGarrett – SmoothDog – is screaming, pulling him up and away from the impeding gunfire. Uno’s body slips from his grip, and Evan is just pleading for him to go back.

“He was still alive!” He screams, even though he knows it isn’t true. “God dammit SmoothDog we could have saved him!”

“He was gone, Buck!” McGarrett pauses for the briefest of moments, hard eyes meeting his own, and then they’re racing towards the evacuation point again. McGarrett is yelling into his radio, calling for Evac, but Evan can barely hear him over the pounding in his ears and the constant whisper of “Shane… Shane…” that slips through his lips.

He’s all but thrown into the helicopter, and then McGarrett’s hands are pressing down on his stomach hard, and Evan gasps, tries to pull away. McGarrett won’t let him move.

“Dammit Buck, you’re hit.”

He doesn’t feel the pain. Doesn’t feel anything except the hollow loss of his SEAL family – people he loved – and that all too familiar question is rolling around in his brain once again.

_Why do people you love go away?_

He has the answer now, dull as it is.

Because that’s life. It’s loss and hardship and heartbreak, but you get through it because there’s all the good things too, family and love and friendship.

It sucks, but you get through it.

In that moment though, as his own lifeblood seeps into the floor of the heli, Evan can only think of his family back home, and the knowledge that they would get through his own loss together.

He wakes to the intense whiteness of a hospital room, pain flaring in his stomach the moment he tries to move.

A warm hand gently pushes him back down, a soft whisper at his ear telling him not to move, and it takes him a long moment to recognise it at all.

“Dad?”

His eyes slowly adjust, and then he can see his father’s weary eyes, lined with worry and pain of his own. There’s a small smile on his lips though, joy imbuing every word as he says. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“How… How long?” Evan croaks, though he’s not sure he even wants to know the answer.

“Five days.” Bobby responds with a sigh. “You lost a lot of blood.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” His Dad shakes his head. “You were doing your job, and I couldn’t be more proud.”

It takes him another week before he’s discharged, and several more of PT and therapy before the Navy even ask him to come in for a meeting to discuss his future.

McGarrett is there, his own expression betraying the pain of loss, and no-one is surprised when Evan tells them “I can’t do it anymore.”

They don’t ask why, and maybe McGarrett had had his suspicions about Evan and Shane’s relationship, maybe he hadn’t, but Evan is thankful they don’t press. He’s thankful they accept his PTSD diagnosis as enough.

The Senior Chief Petty Officer is honourably discharged with commendation, and even though he mourns the loss of what he had, he forces himself to focus on the future that he still has; on his family, his friends, and a new career.

The moment he tells his Mom and Dad that he’s retired, he’s met with breaths of relief and tight hugs, but there’s a heavier weight in his chest that he just can’t carry anymore; one he’d pushed down as far as it could go in the SEALs, but one he couldn’t hide any longer.

“I’m gay.”

He’s not sure what he expects really, but the moment his Mom says “Thank you for telling us, baby,” and his Dad says “We love every part of you,” is the moment he feels like he can breathe again.

When he mentions about applying for the Fire Academy a few weeks later, his Dad simply smiles, eyes shining with pride. “And you’re going to be amazing,” he echoes Athena’s words from when he’d told them about the SEALs, and it means more to him that anything.

And the moment he steps into the Fire Academy for his first day, is the moment where he feels alive again.

He graduates top of his class, to the pride of his family – “We’d expect nothing less” – and then he’s awarded with the open slot at the 118, and it feels like coming home.

The team has changed a little over the years he’s been gone, but there are still many familiar faces who are happy to see him, and the new faces become fast friends. Hen, one of the paramedics, even fills the hole left by Maddie, becoming a surrogate big sister to Chim’s big brother-ness.

His first few months pass quickly, every day filled with warmth and excitement, and then they’re assigned a med call that changes Evan Nash’s life once more.

A young girl is found in bad shape, and Hen quickly determines that she’s recently given birth. Amidst the chaos caused by the father and confusion of where the baby is, they determine that – of all things – she flushed it.

“A baby’s bones are flexible for the first few hours of their lives, but if we don’t get to it soon…” Hen doesn’t finish her sentence, but they all understand the severity of the situation.

But where most of their crew feel dread mixed with hope, Evan is overflowing with anger.

“How can you do that?” He says heatedly as he and Chim head back to the truck for supplies. “How can you see something so precious and fragile and simply flush it away like it’s garbage?!”

He grips the axe handle tighter as they make their way back upstairs to where they assume the baby would be. “I mean, at least my genetic pieces of crap let me grow a little before they tossed me out. At least they gave me a chance to fend for myself.”

“Buck,” Chim says softly – they’d all gotten used to using the nickname since his retirement, as it was a little easier than calling him Nash when his Dad was the Captain. “Maybe you should sit this one out.”

“I’m fine.” He grouses, but it’s clear he isn’t when he tries to simply hack a hole into the wall where they’ve determined the baby is stuck inside the piping.

His Dad makes him sit it out, makes him wait in the hallway while they extract the baby, but the moment it’s out, the moment Hen gives the all clear that baby is healthy, Evan is inside the room.

A small tuft of blonde hair adorns the baby’s head, emerald green eyes staring up at them like it has no idea what’s going on. And while it’s covered in some stuff that no-one quite wants to think about, Evan grabs a clean towel from the bathroom they’re in and swaddles the baby inside it.

The baby gurgles in his arms, a tiny hand gripping his finger, and suddenly Evan can’t think about anything other than how this baby deserves the world; how it deserves a second chance just like the one Bobby gave him.

Suddenly, he can’t think of anything other than how he wants to be the one to give it that chance.

Suddenly, Evan Nash wants to be a father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, Shadows (Comment on the last chapter) inspired me to include ‘Drain Baby,’ and I’ve asked them to name it, which is why the gender isn’t stated.
> 
> Also, I have no knowledge of the Navy beyond what I googled, so… if it’s wrong, I’m sorry.


	4. Forged By Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the lovely comments guys! You’re inspiring me so much! I think this might be my favourite chapter yet. I really hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Warning for more angst and trauma ahead, but also some cute fluff.
> 
> Trigger warning for talk of PTSD (including a detailed flashback), and a parent wrongly defining their child by a disability (Ie, slight Shannon bashing).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, or LEGO.

_Hey Maddie,_

_It’s been a long time since I sent one of these, and honestly I don’t know why I still do. You haven’t replied to me in five years; almost three times the amount of time we did talk for._

_I guess I have a reason, even if I don’t quite know what it is._

_Anyway, a lot has changed since I last updated you on my life. I’ve retired from the SEALs after losing most of my team. That was probably the darkest time in my life, and I’m just glad I have the best family to pick me back up again. I completed the Fire Academy and have been working at the 118 for eleven months now. I’m gonna be passing out my probationary year in three weeks. I wish you could be there, even for a minute._

_Also, I’m a Dad now._

_Don’t have a heart attack though. She’s adopted. But that doesn’t change the fact that I love her with all my heart; just like Bobby loved me._

_I wonder if this is why I was brought into the world now; to give love to something so small and dependant on someone else. To fill this dark space with something good._

_Her name is Amanda Camellia Nash, and she’s the best little girl I could have asked for. Her name speaks of love and fate – pretty perfect for both of us really – though I do call her Ami for short, and she is so completely loved. Not just by me either. Her grandparents adore her, as do her two aunts and two uncles, and the rest of the firehouse to boot._

_She is never going to grow up feeling abandoned._

_She is never going to question why people disappear._

_Not while I’m still breathing._

_I hope you’re okay,_

_Evan._

He presses ‘send’ before he has chance to overthink it, switches the computer off, then turns his full attention to crib beside him. His now six month old daughter is sleeping soundly, involuntary movements accompanying what he hopes is a nice dream.

He checks the clock, noting an hour before they’re supposed to be at his parents’ house, and shoots off a quick text to let them know Ami is still sleeping.

Sunday dinners had become a regular thing since he’d finalised Ami’s adoption three months prior, his Dad insisting that they have at least one meal a week that Evan doesn’t have to cook.

“I know what it’s like looking after a baby, kid.” He’d said. “A little help goes a long way.”

And he is thankful. No matter how much he loves his daughter, having a few hours to himself that isn’t spent at work is an absolute godsend, and he spends a good chunk of it just playing video games with Harry. The fifteen year old was missing his siblings – May now off at University – and it was good for them to have weekly time together.

Meanwhile Mom and Dad got to spoil their first grandchild absolutely rotten.

Ami had quickly become the star of the firehouse too, with Aunty Hen and Uncle Chim regularly bringing Evan toys and other trinkets for her, or going gaga over the pictures Evan would show them. Hen had her own, of course – Denny, who was one and a half – and the two had quickly agreed to set up play dates when the kids were a little older.

All in all, both Evan and Ami were completely surrounded by people who loved and cared for them, and Evan wouldn’t have it any other way.

He still missed Maddie though, even if he was loathe to admit it.

A quiet cry breaks him from his thoughts, Ami squirming in her crib, eyes opening with a short wail.

“Hey, baby girl, it’s okay.” He scoops her up, settling her against his chest with practiced ease. “Daddy’s got you.” He repeats the mantra a few more times, her cries quickly turning to a coo at her Dad’s bright smile and warm eyes.

“That’s it sweetie.” He settles her against the couch beside him, the now awake child bouncing herself on the squishy cushions, and passes her Mr Bun, whom she goes nowhere without. “Are you hungry, Ami? Or do you want to wait until we get to Grammy and Grampy’s?”

Ami just bounces and babbles, and Evan can’t hold back a laugh.

They get to Bobby and Athena’s on time, and the young girl squeals at the sight of them when the door opens. Athena is the first to swoop in, stealing her grandbaby from her Daddy, and hugging her close.

“Oh baby girl, you’ve gotten so big!” She says, holding her on her hip as they head inside. “Least we know your Daddy’s giving you the good stuff.”

“Who doesn’t love apple sauce?” Evan grins. While they saw Ami at least once a week, if not more, since she’d started on solids she’d been growing like crazy. Even Evan was surprised from one morning to the next.

“Crazy people, that’s who.” Athena grins back at her son, before reluctantly handing the baby to Bobby. He immediately takes Ami to go see a new toy he’s bought for her.

“How did the appointment go?” She asks then, referring to Ami’s six month check-up.

“She’s perfect in every way.” Evan responds, watching fondly as his Dad settles Ami down in the centre of a ring of cushions, block sorter in front of her. “Honestly, a lot of it is Carla. I don’t know what she’s been giving her while I’m at work but… I feel like the moment I blink she’s gonna be a teenager or something.”

“Baby, you’ve got a long while before you have to worry about any of that.” Athena laughs, hugging him tightly. “Right now I’d say you need to focus on her realising those limbs of hers can take her places.”

As if on cue, a clatter resounds from where Bobby and Ami are playing. A blue block clatters across the ground towards Evan and Athena. Ami watches it for a moment until it stops, face screwed up like she’s not sure whether she needs to cry, then right before their eyes, she places both hands down in front of her and pushes off with her legs. She moves the smallest amount, but it’s enough. Her gaze shifts from the block to where Bobby is sitting, much closer, and then she moves again. Then again, and again, until she’s reaching her arms out for Bobby to take her.

All three adults watched in disbelief, but Bobby is the first to break the silence, picking her up with a laugh. “That’s our girl.”

Evan just turns to Athena and says, “Thanks for that, Mom.”

The next few months are definitely hectic, what with Ami learning quickly after that how to stand up whilst holding onto something, and then how to walk. Despite Athena’s words, Evan finds himself with a toddler in the blink of an eye, knee deep in second birthday party planning.

“I feel like I’m going overboard because she’s not even going to remember it, but…” He shakes his head, half grinning and half exasperated with himself. “I don’t know, I just feel like it **matters**.”

“It does matter.” Bobby responds as they’re sat around the station table eating lunch. “But maybe she doesn’t need a clown **and** a magician?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Hen chimes in from across them. “Maybe you are compensating for your own early years Buckaroo, but all I can see is a Daddy who loves his kid and wants to make her day extra special.”

Evan grins. “Thanks Hen.”

“What are big sisters for?” She replies with her own grin.

The familial laughter that floats around the table is broken by a new set of footsteps, several heads swivelling to take in the new recruit as they head up the stairs.

Not that he would admit it, but Evan can’t help but gawp a little. Tanned skin, beautiful hazel eyes and thick locks of dark hair adorn the man who peers over at them with a little smile. “Hi, I’m looking for Captain Nash?”

He breaks from his stupor as his Dad says with a hidden grin. “Any of you know Captain Nash?”

There’s a chorus of ‘No’ around the table, and Evan can’t help but chuckle himself, especially when the new man seems to look a little confused and a lot lost. “Take a seat, probie!” He grins.

“You can just call me Bobby or Cap.” His Dad adds as the newcomer breathes a little sigh of relief and takes a seat.

He introduces himself as Eddie Diaz, a former army medic who recently moved from Texas after leaving the service. He’d completed his training in LA before being assigned to the 118.

A ping from his phone and an accompanying smile reveals him as a father too, and Evan can’t help but bounce a little in his seat as he says, “You should join mine and Hen’s playdates.”

“I don’t – ”

“We don’t let them rough-house or anything. Promise.” Hen says with her own smile. “Just fun and educational outings organised by our Buckaroo here.”

“It’s one of the most important aspects of child development.” Evan says, sticking his tongue out at Hen. “This weekend is the zoo!”

“Which means I’m taking three kids instead of one.” Hen adds with a wink at Bobby.

The Captain just laughs.

Evan rolls his eyes. “Look, Giraffe’s are cool and I’m damn well gonna argue with anyone who says otherwise.” As if proving a point he raises his arms alongside his neck and head, then reaches across the table for another bread roll.

And maybe Eddie’s just wondering what sort of madhouse he’s walked into, but he gives a little chuckle and says, “I’m sure Chris would love to join you.”

“Great.” Evan beams at him. “Ami’s always loved making new friends.”

“So do you.” Chim grins, nudging his side, and Evan fights back a blush that threatens to rise, thankful when a very familiar cry splits the air.

“Dada!!!”

He’s gone from his seat in seconds, racing down to the truck bay where Athena is stood holding Ami’s hand. The little girl is wearing a beautiful purple dress with ducks on, bouncing up and down as she sees her Daddy approaching.

“Dada!”

“Hey baby girl.” Evan picks her up and twirls her, pressing a kiss to her cheek before giving Athena a one armed hug. “Hey Mom.”

“We were just passing by but she got very excited when she saw the station.”

“Well I’m very excited too.” Evan replies, brushing a hand through Ami’s curls and readjusting one of her ladybug clips. “Do you want to say hi to Grampy and Aunty Hen and Uncle Chim?”

“Gampy!” Ami squeals, and on cue Bobby’s head appears over the balcony.

“Is that my little flower?”

Ami squeals again, stretching her arms as if to grab him, even though he’s at least twenty feet away. With a wide grin, Evan bounds up the stairs with her, Ami still calling for Bobby. Once they’re a good way away from the stairs, he puts her down, letting her run towards Bobby with an extra loud squeal, “Gampy!”

Bobby hugs her tight and does their little dance he made up for them, all the while Eddie just looks like he’s now truly and completely lost.

“Grandpa?”

To his credit, Bobby just laughs, eyes not detaching from Ami as he says, “Buck’s my son.”

Evan laughs himself, clapping Eddie on the shoulder. “We’re a functional dysfunctional family. You’ll get used to it.”

The happy, jovial mood doesn’t last much longer unfortunately before they’re called out to a rather strange call that ends with Evan and Eddie in the back of an ambulance, diffusing a live grenade lodged in a man’s leg. They work seamlessly, like they’ve known each other for years, and Evan can’t help but grin as they’re walking away.

“You can have my back any day.”

Eddie grins back. “Yeah, and you can have mine.”

Then the ambulance explodes behind them, and Evan is thrown backwards in time in an instant. He reacts instinctively, pushing Eddie to the ground and covering him. His ears are ringing, head throbbing over the sound of his own voice screaming “Seal Team 5 under attack! I repeat, we are taking enemy fire!”

_He grips Chase tightly, hauling them both off the unforgiving ground and pumping his legs as hard as he can to take them away from danger. His body is burning, pain flaring beneath his ribcage, but he can’t think of that. He just has to get them away._

_He has to get them to safety._

_“Commander!” He yells into his radio. “Evac needed at my co-ordinates! Uno is hit!”_

_They’re back on the ground, blood pulsing through his fingers, rapid and wet and sticky. The smell fills his nostrils, sickness rolling in his gut._

_It’s too much._

_He can’t…_

_He can’t…_

“Medic!” Evan cries.

In an instant Bobby is beside him, arms wrapped tightly around his boy, smothering the thrashing form stuck in the throes of a nightmare. “I’ve got you, kiddo. You’re not there, okay? You’re not there.”

Another tense moment passes.

“Evan, you’re not there.”

Evan blinks, breathing heavy and ragged. Slowly he shifts his gaze to his Dad, blinks again, like clearing fog from his eyes. “Dad?”

“You’re not there.” Bobby repeats, and it takes a moment for it to hit Evan, and then he’s slumping into Bobby’s arms, unconscious.

He gets checked out at the hospital, but they thankfully give him a clean bill of health and then Bobby is driving them both back to the firehouse. Evan is quiet as he heads straight to the showers to get cleaned up and the last thing he expects when he leaves the locker room is for Eddie to be stood there waiting for him.

“You okay?” The other man asks softly, and while a part of Evan questions the concern Eddie is showing him after only knowing him for a handful of hours, he’s thankful for it too.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat, a little embarrassed even though he knows he has no reason to be. “Sorry you had to see that.” He lets his hands fumble in his pocket for his car keys, gazing anywhere but at Eddie.

“Don’t be.” Eddie responds. “I know what it’s like.”

Evan’s eyes snap up to meet his then. For a moment he’d forgotten that Eddie had served too.

“PTSD sucks.” Eddie adds with a smile and a shrug. “But talking helps.”

“I know, I…” Evan sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s been nearly three years since I got discharged, but it still hurts. Every single day.”

“I get it. You were with the SEALs?”

“Yeah. Three years.”

“Tough gig.”

Evan laughs at that. “I’d usually say ‘you have no idea’ but…”

“I do.” Eddie responds, clasping a hand on Evan’s shoulder. The younger man has to force himself to ignore the slight thrill that runs through him at the touch. “And I meant what I said before. I have your back. If you need to talk… I’m here.”

“Thanks man.” Evan smiles. “And me too.”

He can’t help but think that this might just be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Eddie does slot seamlessly into the team, and more so into the role of Evan’s partner. The two work side by side on most calls, and by the time Eddie’s first week is over it feels like he’s been part of the team for years.

A burst water main at the zoo does unfortunately scupper their weekend plans, though Evan does find an alternative in the aquarium for the following weekend whilst simultaneously inviting Eddie to Ami’s birthday party on that Friday.

Having known the kid for longest out of the team (Bobby excluded, of course), Chim can’t help but hide a knowing smirk, ribbing Evan about his little crush at every opportunity he gets.

“Why did we decide to keep him?” Evan groans to his Dad one day, but he simply receives another knowing smirk in response.

It seemed his crush on Eddie might not be so secret after all.

And then, of course, fate deems it necessary to push them even closer.

Eddie’s car fails its service, leaving him to ask Evan for a ride to work for a few days. The younger man is happy to oblige, but as Tuesday morning rolls around, Evan is greeted by a distraught looking Eddie when he arrives at the Diaz household.

“You okay, Eds?” he asks instinctively.

“No.” Eddie replies with a deep sigh. “My abuela’s sick so she can’t take Christopher, and Tia Pepa can’t get off work for five hours, so I have nowhere to take him.”

Evan’s first thought is Carla, but not only is she busy for the day, but he would never drop another kid on her without talking to her first. May has Ami, but they’re already on their way to the funfair on north beach, and it’s too late to ask her to turn around if Eddie still wants to get to work on time.

“Bring him to the station.” He says instead. “Dad won’t mind.”

“You sure?” Eddie looks at him in disbelief.

Evan just laughs. “Trust me.”

It’s still hilarious to see Eddie’s expression when Bobby does walk up on the four of them with Christopher; “I don’t remember calling for reinforcements.”

The father is left babbling a reply before Bobby just smirks and gestures to his son. “Buck already gave me a heads up and I cleared it with the chief.”

The look Eddie gives him them sets Evan’s heart thumping against his ribcage; a feeling he hasn’t had since Shane and honestly thought he’d never get again.

And by the time the shift passes and evening arrives, Eddie having divulged to the team his struggles with getting Christopher settled, Evan knows exactly what to do to help the man he’s quickly come to think of as a close friend.

A confused expression greets him as he opens the door, having invited Eddie over while Pepa had Chris and Bobby had Ami, and he just laughs softly. “Don’t look so scared, Eds. I just have someone I want you to meet.”

Eddie frowns but steps inside. “Really Buck, I’m not – ” He cuts off upon spotting the woman settled on Buck’s couch.

Evan just grins. “Eddie Diaz, meet Carla Price. LA’s finest home healthcare and child aid.”

Carla laughs and swats at his arm. “You tryin’ to make my head big?”

“Just speaking the truth.”

Carla smiles at Eddie and holds her hand out. “Buckaroo has told me you’re having a little trouble. Well, I’m red tape’s worst nightmare.”

Evan can see the moment that some of the stress melts from Eddie’s shoulders, and finds himself sporting an unstoppable beaming smile as the two start to get some of Eddie’s paperwork in order.

When she leaves a couple of hours later, Evan offers Eddie a beer and the two sit down in the living room, comfortable silence broken only by a loud squeak as Eddie accidentally sits down on a stuffed animal.

Evan chuckles. “Sorry about that. Ami’s constantly leaving her toys everywhere.”

“Chris is the same.” Eddie says softly, looking at the plush pink koala that had been hidden under one of the couch cushions.

“I’m just praying I can hold off on Lego for a little longer.”

“Trust me, those things hurt.”

“Oh, I know.” Evan grins. “Growing up, Harry used to leave them **everywhere**.”

“That your brother?”

Evan nods. “Yeah. He really wants to follow in mine and Bobby’s footsteps and join the firehouse.”

“You really are one big family.” Eddie says wistfully.

“Hey.” Evan turns to him, sensing the mood shift. “You’re part of it too.”

Eddie sighs. “I guess I’ve gotten so used to it just being the two of us.”

“You mind me asking what happened to his mom?” Evan asks softly. He doesn’t want to tread on anything, but he can’t help his curiosity at what made Eddie move so far from home.

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face and Evan starts to backtrack, but the other man waves away his concern quick enough. “It’s fine. She… She didn’t really want a kid… much less one she deemed ‘defective.’”

Evan feels his anger rise instantly. He might have only spent a few short hours with the three year old but it was enough that he’d come to care deeply for the kid’s wellbeing and happiness. It was enough to see that his CP didn’t define him in the slightest.

Added to his own experience dealing with absentee parents, well…

“That’s ridiculous.” He says tightly, and perhaps the anger seeps into his tone more than he thinks because Eddie’s eyes are a little wide as they look back at him. “Chris is an amazing kid.”

“You bet he is.”

“Honestly, Eddie, if that’s how she feels then you’re better off without her. He’s better off.” Evan says, fists clenching and unclenching where they rest in his lap.

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.” Eddie says, and it isn’t a question.

Evan sighs. “My parents abandoned me when I was three years old. Drove me across the country and dumped me outside some hospital in LA. If it wasn’t for Bobby… and Athena, and the 118… I don’t really know where I’d be.” He picks up his bottle from the table in front of him, picking absently at the label. “Ami was flushed down the toilet by her mother. We got there in time and we saved her and I… I never wanted her to know what it’s like to be abandoned by those who are supposed to love you.”

“Jesus, Buck, I…” Eddie shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I try not to think about it much.” He admits. “I just focus on giving her the best life. The life she deserves. The life that Bobby gave me.”

Eddie nods. “He’s the most important thing in my life.”

Evan reaches over, clasps his shoulder. “And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he’s happy here. To make sure you both are. You got a family in us, Diaz, always.”

It’s not surprising that their relationship flourishes from there.

A few months later see the two finally admitting their growing feelings for each other, and while both are nervous about how a romantic relationship might affect both their kids, they’re willing to try.

Nineteen months in, amidst tensions at the firehouse with Bobby being suspended, Eddie passes by a ring shop, and makes a decision that would change their lives once more.

He goes straight to Bobby and Athena’s, apologising to the Captain for stopping by so abruptly, but…

“I want to ask Evan to marry me.”

Bobby does a great impression of a fish for a handful of seconds, then grins and clasps Eddie’s shoulder. “If you want our blessing, you have it. I just want you all to be happy.”

Eddie honestly doesn’t think he’s been happier than in that moment, with exception of when Christopher was born.

And then the truck explodes, and everything becomes suffused with fear and panic.

In Hershey, a bruised and defeated Maddie Kendall arrives home from work, thankful only that her husband appears to be out of the house. Switching on the television, she settles back to watch the news; her nightly routine that reminds her she could be worse off; that reminds her she’s still alive.

Tonight though, her eyes widen in recognition and horror at the report that blares through the speakers.

_“Chaos on the streets of LA tonight as a firetruck belonging to Station 118 explodes on route to a call. As you can see here, one firefighter appears to be pinned beneath the truck, while a teenager armed with another incendiary weapon holds the injured hostage.”_

“Evan…”

Hours pass with no sign of Doug, her eyes glued to the screen as reports continually update.

_Firefighter saved from beneath overturned truck._

_Firefighter caught in explosion remains in surgery._

_Firefighter expected to make recovery._

By the time an interview with one of the other firefighters – acting Captain Howard Han – reveals that he’s going to be okay, Maddie is shaking, tears streaking her face.

Her feet carry her upstairs without thought, hands clawing at the floorboards to reveal a hidden compartment and a phone underneath.

The screen switches on, fingers hovering over the familiar contact.

_‘Evan, I…’_

She deletes the letters, switches to the still logged in email account and pulls up the handful of emails that she’d read countless times but never responded to.

_I’m starting SEAL training today…_

_I completed the Fire Academy…_

_I’m a Dad now._

_I think you’d like Eddie._

_I never thought I’d get to be this happy._

_I miss you._

A sob rips through her, hand gripping the phone so tightly that it pinches her skin. All she can think is that she could have lost him today and she might never have known.

She could have lost him before she got to make amends.

And then she thinks about how happy he seems, how his life is everything she ever wanted for him but also everything she ever wanted for herself.

She thinks about him.

She thinks about Doug.

And then Maddie does what she should have done a long time ago.

She runs.

Five months pass in the blink of an eye.

While Evan’s recovery after the explosion was hard on all of them, he never stopped working towards getting back to the team and now – having passed his recertifications – he’s raring to go.

The night before he’s due to make his return heralds a celebration at Bobby and Athena’s, with the whole family in attendance. Evan dances with Eddie and the kids, sneaks Chris and Ami an extra slice of cake, and just enjoys feeling one hundred percent again for the first time in months.

Happiness and excitement fills the air, but Eddie Diaz has one more ace up his sleeve to make the night completely perfect.

While Evan is distracted with his turn whacking the piñata, Eddie gets Chris and Ami into position, both kids holding back giggles as they hold the sign Eddie had helped them make.

And when Evan fails to hit the paper mache donkey and slips the blindfold off, the first thing he sees is his two favourite kids holding up a sign that says ‘Let’s be family Nash-Diaz!”

Evan’s hand whips to his mouth, shock giving way to tears as he sees Eddie, bent on one knee.

“Evan Nash. From the moment I met you I knew there was something special about you. You are the most caring, gentle, loyal soul I have ever met. You constantly put others first. You give love so freely and never ask for anything in return. I love you with all my heart. I love Ami like she’s my own, just like I know you love Chris. So, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband, and making us an official family?”

Ami squeals. “Yes, Daddy! Say yes!”

Christopher grins. “Say yes, Papa!”

Evan chokes back a sob at the title Christopher graces him with, and then he’s nodding wordlessly, racing over to the three of them and pulling them into a bone crushing hug. “Yes. Yes!”

The entire party bursts into applause and this, Evan thinks, is where he always belonged.

She’s been in LA for five months now, yet Maddie still hasn’t found the courage to see her brother.

He’s going to hate me, she thinks to herself every time she gets anywhere close to the station. For all she knows she had a reason for cutting him off, for keeping him safe, she knows it’s no excuse for abandoning him when she’d all but promised that she wouldn’t.

So the closest she gets is through her job at the 9-1-1 dispatch centre, talking to his team through the radio; knowing who they are, but them having no clue who she is.

He hasn’t been working during that time, but it’s the best she has.

At the very least, she knows he’s okay.

And then a knock sounds at her apartment door, and panic flares through her, because no-one but her closest friend Josh knows where she lives; Josh, who was on leave for a week and nowhere near the city.

“Maddie!” A voice screeches, and it’s the voice that has haunted her dreams for too long; the voice that wakes her panting and breathless, drenched in a cold sweat. “I know you’re in there!”

She dials 9-1-1.

The police are dispatched.

She doesn’t dare breathe.

She’s not sure how long passes before his shouts quieten, and then there’s another knock on the door, a new voice calling through. “LAPD!”

Tentatively, she opens the door, and finds Athena Grant-Nash on the other side.

The woman doesn’t recognise her immediately, but Maddie can’t hold back the relieved sob that rushes out of her, and she all but falls into the other woman’s arms.

“I can’t live like this anymore.” She cries. “I can’t.”

Athena shushes her softly, manages to get out of Maddie that it was her abusive ex-husband, and quickly sends her partner out searching the perimeter.

“What’s your name sweetie?” Athena asks once Maddie has calmed, and the younger woman just looks at her with teary eyes, expression saying everything as she whispers.

"Maddie Buckley.”

She can see the puzzle pieces fitting together in the way Athena’s eyes widen slightly and her brow crinkles, and then the Sergeant is ushering her up and telling her to grab whatever she needs.

Moments later they’re inside the squad car, peeling through the streets of LA.

Less than fifteen minutes later, they’re outside Station 118, and Maddie feels like she can’t breathe.

“No, no… I… I can’t…”

“You can.” Athena says, arm wrapped around Maddie’s shoulders as she helps her out of the car.

Maybe it’s knowing that this woman knows her brother better than most people – or maybe it’s the motherly aura she seems to give off – but Maddie nods and shuffles her way inside.

The Captain spots them first, and Maddie can see that he recognises her immediately, furrowed brow shifting quickly to his wife.

And then she hears the voice she never thought she’d get to hear again.

“Maddie?”


	5. Sibling Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments on the last chapter! You’re all so wonderful!
> 
> I apologise for the little cliffie; I’m writing and posting these every day, and the last chappie was already 5k! I am but le human. 
> 
> Also, someone asked about whether Daniel will be a fully fleshed out character and the answer is OF COURSE! He’s very integral to this story. I just wanted to focus the first few chapters on Evan’s backstory and how things have diverged from canon. Although he is very similar to canon Buck on the surface, he’s actually a much more emotionally stable person than S1 Buck, and more open with his feelings. Of course he still has plenty trauma that has, and still does, affect him, but he’s learnt to process it in a different way. It is these changes that are really going to influence him when Daniel and the parents show up needing his help, and affect how he interacts with them.
> 
> That said, Daniel does make an appearance this chapter.
> 
> Trigger warning for spousal/domestic abuse, blood, angst, hospitalisation, guilt, emotional trauma. The works, basically. This is a very emotional chapter. Please read with care.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

Maddie can do nothing but stare at her brother, feet frozen and hands trembling, as he appraises her. His brow is furrowed but she can’t read the emotions that flit too rapidly over his face. It’s like staring at a stranger, and the thought hurts Maddie more than she would like to admit.

Evan stands there silent, fingers twisted in the sides of his shirt. His lips are twitching like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how to.

Athena’s gaze meets Bobby’s, the two holding a silent conversation before they slip quietly over to the other side of the truck bay, leaving the two siblings alone; though Maddie remains in Athena’s vision.

“Evan…” Maddie takes a tentative step forward, flinching when her brother shifts back in response.

“Eight years.” He grinds out, jaw clenched. “Why now?”

He doesn’t give her a chance to respond, turning away slightly and raking a hand through his hair. “Wait, let me guess. You heard about the truck and felt guilty. I could have died before you got to say you’re sorry. News flash, Maddie, I’ve almost died a handful of times before then.”

She jerks visibly, because he’s not wrong. Yes it’s a lot more complicated too, but he doesn’t know that – she made sure that he didn’t. And she knows he has every right to be angry, yet… “Can I just explain?”

“I mean, at least you’re the first **Buckley** to try.” He spits. “You know, maybe in another lifetime I’d be so concerned with pleasing the people who are supposed to love me regardless, desperate to prove myself worthy. But the fact is that I don’t need to be worthy of your love, Maddie. I don’t. Because I have a whole family who have proven time and time again that **they’re** **never going to abandon me.** ”

Eddie has come down from the loft at this point, gaze filled with concern as he reaches his fiancé. “Carino…” He wraps his arms around Evan, and for a moment, the younger man just melts into the embrace.

When he turns back to Maddie, his anger has dissipated to raw pain. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel abandoned? To wonder why someone who’s supposed to love you just… doesn’t?”

Tears are streaking down her face at this point, but she manages a single word. “Yes.”

He blinks, confusion and concern suddenly waring with his own hurt, and then the bell sounds and he’s shaking his head and jumping into the truck.

The last thing she sees is the lettering E. Nash on the back of his turnout coat before tears blur her vision completely.

As the truck careens down the roads of LA to their destination, Evan sits angled towards the window, gazing listlessly out at the people they pass by. Eddie watches his fiancé worriedly, half torn between giving him space or saying something.

When they turn onto the highway, siren blaring, and then stop at the scene of the accident, it’s all hands on deck, and Evan forces himself to shove away any thoughts of his sister and what her last comment might have meant.

He and Eddie work as they always have, seamlessly grabbing the equipment that they need and heading over to one of the two cars. The Honda Civic has overturned more than once, judging by the damage to it. Glass litters the road, every window smashed, and the two partners share a worrying look as they gaze inside at the car’s occupants.

A man and a woman are stuck upside down, seatbelts holding them in place. The man is unconscious, blood pouring from a wound at his hairline, while her eyes are open, wide and panicked.

“My brother.” She cries between choked breaths, the steering wheel pushed into her ribcage. “Please, help him.”

“We’re gonna get you both out of here.” Eddie promises, assessing the man’s pupil and motor response. It isn’t good, but he hides his grimace, focusing instead on slipping a c-collar around the man’s neck and setting up IV lines.

“What’s your name?” Buck asks, forcing away the part of his mind that is thinking about the likelihood of him having to treat a brother and sister.

“Elsie.” The woman replies, voice shaking. “My brother is Matt. Please… Please help him.”

“We are.” Evan responds softly, putting a c-collar around her neck too, “We’re helping both of you, okay?”

“Okay.” She whispers back, eyes slipping from Evan’s to look back at her brother. “Mattie? Mattie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, baby brother.”

Evan’s heart just about lurches in his chest at that moment, and it takes everything in him not to react; to stay calm and tell the woman not to move too much; to focus on doing his job and saving them.

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.” Elsie says, ignoring Evan’s words and reaching out to take her brother’s slack hand. “I should have protected you.”

Her vitals are stable enough, Evan notes, but he can tell by the way Eddie has called another member of their team over to help extract the man – the fact that his eyes have not opened – that the man beside her is in a bad way.

“I love you little brother.” She sobs, chest stuttering, breaths shallow.

Evan takes a breath. He needs to keep her calm while they work. Her own door is completely jammed and it would take too much time to cut through the steering column. But the man’s side was easily opened. Once he’s been moved, they can get her out too.

He just needs to keep her stable – needs to have her give them the room to work.

“Hey,” He draws her attention away from Eddie’s actions, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “He knows. He knows.”

She turns to him, teary blue eyes boring into his own. “You don’t know that.”

“I do.” He responds softly. “I have a big sister, and I know… even though I could doubt it… I know.”

Her showing up at the station had been a shock, and he’d let his anger get the better of him, but just as he knew the reason he’d continued sending her emails was to stay close to her, he knew she loved him, even if she’d only shown it for a little while.

She nods, stuttered breaths evening out a little.

Eddie finishes freeing the man, lifting him onto a stretcher. Then Evan is slipping around the other side of the car, he and Eddie working together to get her out too.

Moments later she’s on her own stretcher, hand reaching across to grasp her brother’s as they’re both moved towards the parked ambulances.

“Just hang on. Hang on, please.” She begs him softly, gripping onto him for dear life. “I love you Mattie. I’m sorry if you ever thought otherwise.”

Evan has to turn away.

She watches the truck pull away until it’s little more than a blur speeding down the road, nails digging hard enough into her palms to leave marks. A choked sob leaves her, and then Athena’s arm is snaking around her shoulder, pulling her into a tight hug.

“He’ll come around.” The officer says softly, and Maddie can’t help but laugh.

“He has every right to hate me.” She whispers, then looks up at Athena, wet eyes laced with confusion. “I don’t understand why you don’t seem to.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Is the first thing Athena says, leading the young woman upstairs into the loft. She’d brought Maddie here for two reasons; one, to see her brother, but also because it was safe. She’d already radio’d for two undercover officers to watch the perimeter. Still, it was better to keep out of sight. “He’s just hurt.”

“I never wanted to hurt him.” Maddie whispers, slumping onto one of the couches and burrowing her head in her hands. “I just wanted to protect him.”

“I knew that the moment you said why you’d called for us.” The Sergeant responds, sitting down beside her. “I’m not gonna lie, Maddie. I wasn’t your biggest fan for a long while after you cut him off. Especially the day he chose not to come home from school and wound up in the hospital.” Maddie’s gaze flies up at that, but Athena just smiles. “But he got through it. We helped him get through it. And that means I know exactly what goes on in that boy’s head.”

“Spoken like a mother.”

“I **am** his mother.” Athena says, an edge to her words for the briefest of moments. “Which means it’s my job to protect him from those who want to hurt him.” Her eyes bore into Maddie’s. “But it also means it’s my job to protect those he loves too.”

“I’m not sure I fall under that category anymore.” Maddie whispers. “I don’t think I deserve to.”

“Yes, you do.” She brushes a lock of Maddie’s hair away, smiling softly. “He wears his heart on his sleeve, feels deeply, but he doesn’t always know what to do with those emotions. What he said… He was just trying to protect himself.”

“From me… The person who should have always had his back.”

“From being left again. I can guess your reasons honey and I’m sure you thought it was your best option but… that boy did not deserve being left in the dark.”

“I know.” She whispers, scrubbing at her eyes. “And I’ve wished every day that I could fix it. That I could have never met Doug in the first place.”

Athena takes in the woman beside her, baggy clothes hiding a thinning frame but jutting shoulders betraying the truth regardless, sallow eyes that spoke of sleepless nights, terror visible in the way she holds herself, always on guard.

The photo Maddie had provided her with in the car had been circled around the precinct, with several units searching for the man in question. There was no way he was going to get anywhere near Maddie again without one of them knowing about it.

Which left only one other matter for Mama Athena to sort out.

“Then you tell him that.”

Evan seeks his sister out the moment they get back to the station. He’s a little surprised to see Athena still there, more so that the two are both a little teary eyed, like they’ve had the biggest heart to heart while he was gone.

She stands immediately, goes to say something, but he just pulls her into a hug and says. “Later. I… I’ve gotta finish my shift but… stay here, for now? Um… I’ll take you to my place after?”

All she can do is nod, but Evan sees the smile his Mom gives him, and he knows he’s doing the right thing.

He doesn’t want to be like Mattie, doubting his sister’s love.

He also doesn’t want to be Elsie, regretting having left things unsaid.

At the very least, they needed to talk – lay out things that he wasn’t about to unleash within the station.

After that, he wasn’t sure, but he at least owed her a chance to explain, just as she owed him a chance to tell her how he felt.

As the last few hours of his first shift back pass by – and wasn’t this completely not how he’d expected it to go? – he finds his gaze searching for her of it’s own accord, watching how she seems to stare into nothing.

Watching as she seems a ghost of how she once was.

For the first time in a long time he finds himself wondering if there was more to the story than he knew.

And then he notices the two officers outside – posing as other firefighters but Evan recognises them from his Mom’s station – and something in his gut twists.

He kisses Eddie and tells him he’ll be over later. Carla has the kids at Eddie’s and while they hadn’t yet officially moved in together, he spends most nights over there anyway.

For now, he takes Maddie to his house, the feeling his gut easing just slightly at the blinking red lights of his cameras flashing outside. It has been a rather overboard precaution after adopting Ami, but now he was thankful for it, even if he wasn’t entirely sure why.

The door swings open revealing a brightly coloured parlour, picture frames hanging on each wall. As Maddie steps inside she can’t help but let her eyes roam over the memories she sees there – Evan holding Ami as a baby, with her as a toddler, birthday parties, with Eddie and both kids, with the Grant-Nash family – and more tears spring to her eyes.

“You have a good life here Evan.”

“I do.” He turns to her after closing and locking the door, small smile on his lips. “But I always wished you were here too.”

“I’m sorry.” She tells him, taking a seat on the couch. Her hands find a stuffed pink koala nestled there, and she turns it over in her hands. “I never should have just… disappeared.”

“So why did you?” He asks softly. His earlier anger has gone, replaced only by confusion and a desire for the truth.

Her gaze remains on the koala, fingers brushing over the beady eyes and tufts of fur.

“Mom got that for Ami when she turned one.” He takes a seat beside her, smiling softly with the memory, and then his expression darkens a fraction. “Was it Doug?”

Her silence tells him everything.

“Did he hurt you?” He shakes his head when her silence continues to speak for her. “I should have known.”

Maddie’s head snaps up then. “No… Evan, you couldn’t have…”

“Yes, I could.” Evan runs a hand over his face, sighing softly. “I got so caught up in my own – ”

“Don’t do that.” She cuts him off, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “Why wouldn’t you think I was abandoning you like Mom and Dad did? I think maybe I was counting on it…”

“You were?” Hurt seeps into his voice.

“I wanted to protect you.” She says, not removing her hand from his even when she feels him tense. “I couldn’t risk you… coming for me… I couldn’t risk him knowing about you.”

“I have a cop for a Mom.” He squeezes back, several emotions once again flitting across his face, too quick for her to read. “Why didn’t you come to us? You have now so… Why didn’t you come to us?”

“I was scared.”

He tenses again, though this time she can see it’s from anger against Doug, and then a gunshot echoes, and both turn wide eyes to the bay window overlooking the porch.

Evan ducks down on instinct, pulling Maddie with him. He edges them around the couch, out of sight of the window, and to the side of the stairs. Evan lays his hand flat against the wooden panel, pressing just so, until it opens up into a small compartment.

“Stay here.” He all put pushes her inside, whipping out his phone and pressing speed-dial before pressing it into her hands. “Talk to my Mom.” Then she’s shut inside a penetrating darkness, only the light of the phone screen to see by.

“Evan?” The voice from the phone is quiet, but she can hear it as loud as anything over the pounding of her heart. “Baby?”

“Athena…” Her voice is shaky. “It’s Maddie. I think Doug’s here.”

“Here?”

“At Evan’s… We – ”

She cuts off as another shot rings out, cry slipping from her involuntarily.

“Where are you Maddie?!” A voice roars from outside, and it’s definitely Doug, and Maddie doesn’t want to even think about what he could do to Evan.

A crash echoes, followed by several smashes and grunts.

Another sob slips from her as Athena promises officers are on their way.

Then another shot, and the thump of a heeled boot as the wood in front of her splinters and cracks.

Two more thumps, and then she’s being hauled out of the space, phone slipping from her grasp. Doug is red faced and furious as he faces her, and she’s quickly thrown to the ground, a swift kick to her midsection following.

“You thought you could leave me?!” He roars.

_Where’s Evan?_ Maddie thinks, and then she sees the droplets of blood, the smear against the wall, and her stomach flips, heart thunderous against her rib cage. _No…_

Doug lands another kick to her midsection, and then he’s being forcibly thrown backwards, an equally furious looking Evan Nash coming to stand between them.

Blood drips steadily from a gash on Evan’s arm, but he pays it no heed, tackling Doug to the ground as he makes another move for Maddie, landing swift right hooks to the intruder’s face.

“No-one. Messes. With. My. Sister!” Evan growls, landing a hit with every word, chest heavily.

Doug’s face is a bleeding mess, eyes closed, suddenly slack in Evan’s grip.

“Evan stop!” Maddie gasps, if only to save her brother from doing something he’ll regret.

Evan stays knelt over the other man for a long moment, ragged breathing filling the air, and then he loosens his grip, slips to the side and groans. A quick inventory of himself, and then he’s shifting over to Maddie.

“Are you okay?” He whispers, relief flooding through him as the familiar sound of sirens split the air.

Maddie nods weakly, but it’s obvious she’s in pain, arm clutching her stomach.

“Stay still.” Evan holds her close, gaze trained on the front door as armed officers race inside, his mother just behind them.

As the SWAT team apprehend Doug, Athena races for her baby, checking the wound on his arm and then looking to Maddie.

“What hurts sweetie?”

Maddie’s eyes flutter just slightly, all her energy focused on breathing. “R-Ribs.” She just about hears Athena calling for a medic, Evan asking her to open her eyes, to stay awake, and then she’s falling into the abyss of unconsciousness.

The first time she wakes, Evan is there; teary eyes and a soft smile.

“Hey sleepyhead.”

She stays conscious just long enough to tell him she’s sorry, and then the darkness pulls her back under.

The second time she wakes it’s for a little longer. Bobby and Athena are there – glad she’s okay and letting her know that they’re all here for her; that they understand.

She doesn’t think she deserves such kindness, but she scarcely has the energy to say so.

The third time, Evan is back by her side, and they simply hold hands for an hour while he tells her about her niece and nephew.

The fourth time, she finds herself faced with a sight she hasn’t seen in a long while.

“Daniel…” She breathes, eyes clouding with tears at the sight of her elder brother sat by the bed. Her hand is clasped in his this time, not Evan’s, and the concern she sees in his eyes is something so completely unfamiliar that it knocks her for six.

He smiles softly at her, long blonde hair reaching down to his shoulders, a single strip twisted into a braid. Calloused fingers – a side effect of years of guitar playing – trail patterns on her palm.

Hazel eyes are soft and shining as he says, “Hey Mads.”

Her chest is still aching with every breath, but her eyes are locked onto him, body unwilling to let him slip away, at least for now. Her fingers clench around his own, thumb brushing over the tattoo at his wrist.

A winged serpent.

He’d always wanted to fly, even if it meant leaving those who loved him.

“Why are you here?” She breathes. She’d sooner have expected her parents to be here, and that in itself was a practical impossibility.

“Mom and Dad told me you were in the hospital.” He responds, as if he can’t believe she’d even ask. “Where else would I be?”

“Machu Pichu, Peru, outer Mongolia. Take your pick.” She says, a little hotly.

“Mads…”

“I haven’t seen you in three years, Danny. You don’t visit for the holidays, you don’t call, you barely write… In what universe would I expect you to be here?” The words fall from her lips without thought, and she regrets them as soon as she sees her brother flinch, no matter how true they are.

“You know why I left Hershey. Why I don’t ever go back.” He rakes his free hand through his hair, tattoo’d arms rippling.

“Oh yeah, because it’s such hardship for you being around them.”

“It is.” He snaps back, eyes flaring like burning coals. “You don’t know what it’s like Maddie.”

“You’re right. I don’t.” She shifts in the bed despite the flare of pain that bursts in her chest, sitting up to face him, her own gaze heated. “I don’t know what it’s like to be smothered with attention like no-one else in the world exists. I don’t know what it’s like to do nothing wrong in their eyes. I don’t know what it’s like to not be forgotten.”

“Mads…”

“You’re the golden child, Daniel! You act like it’s such a burden, yet I’m the one living in the same town as them and they don’t even notice when I turn up bruised and beaten!”

“Doug – ”

“Is the reason I’m here again.” Her fists clench in the sheets. “Is the reason my br… friend got hurt too.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “If I’d have known – ”

“How could you?” She says, and it’s strange to think that she’d said similar words to Evan less than a day prior; the difference being that he literally couldn’t have known.

Daniel chose not to even look.

“You were never around.”

“I could be.” He says, but she can’t even dare to let herself hope. She’d hoped he’d stick around even before she’d found and contacted Evan all those years ago. Ten years of missed birthdays and brief postcards were hardly anything to promise upon now.

“I wouldn’t want to mess up your grand adventure.” She turns over, ignoring the pain it brings and closing her eyes. “Or give Mom and Dad a reason to find you and buy you a new car or something.”

When she wakes again, he’s gone, and Maddie scarcely believes he was even there to begin with.


	6. Triple Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this chapter took so long. My mind’s been all over the place and I’ve barely been able to focus. I hope you enjoy it now it’s here.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, or Star Wars/The Jedi.

“So I met Daniel.”

Maddie’s head swivels around in the wheelchair, ignoring the jolt in her neck as she stares at her brother. “What?”

“After he visited you.” Evan clarifies, and Maddie can’t read his expression. Something settles heavy in her gut.

“I thought that was a dream.” She whispers.

“Not unless we were having the same dream.” He chuckles, but it’s soft, distant.

She swallows, turns back. “What did you say? What did he say?”

“Nothing.” He shrugs. “He introduced himself as your brother. That’s it.”

“Oh.”

“The question is why he disappeared straight after.” The words aren’t actually a question, hold nothing in their tone, but Maddie feels them hit her regardless.

“It’s what he’s good at.” She whispers softly, feels the stare at the back of her head, and sighs. “There’s a lot you don’t know about our family, Evan.”

“Your family.” He corrects, then sighs himself. “I suppose you’re not going to share though?”

The door handle is pulled a little rougher, and now beside him she can see how his jaw is tense, rough line curving up his cheek. He settles her in the passenger seat, takes the chair back to the entrance, then hops in the driver’s seat and starts the engine.

“Wait.” She puts her hand over his as it goes to move the car out of park.

He turns to her, shuts the engine off. “What?”

“You deserve to know.” Her words are quiet, but she sees them register in his gaze, the subtle quirk of his eyes that indicate piqued interest; maybe even an awareness that it’s not just her things, but his past too.

He doesn’t speak, just nods, turning his hand over to clasp hers tightly.

“Daniel was sick.” Her words are still soft, but they carry in the otherwise stillness of the car. “From the time he was three, to when he was seven. I was a year younger. It didn’t… didn’t really hit me until I was about five. Longer hospital visits, more appointments. Leukaemia.”

“He…” She rakes a hand over her face, wiping away the tears that are forming. “He ended up going in for about six months, until he got a bone marrow transplant…”

Evan’s brow creases, and she can see the puzzle pieces slotting together in his mind. “He’s four years older than me?” He sees her nod, tightens his grip on her hand. “So I… I was born… in the middle of all of that?”

The tears are running faster now, wetting her cheeks before she can stop them. “Yes.”

“A bone marrow transplant… Me…” He takes a shaky breath, scrubs a hand over his own face. “That’s why they got rid of me. I’d done my job.”

She’d expected him to turn cold and hard, for his voice to border on breaking. Instead he’s just quiet, subdued; like he’d imagined something similar all along.

“I hated them for it.” She tells him, watching as he turns back to her, eyes widening slightly. “They tried to tell me that you never existed. That I made you up in place of Daniel. But… three years caring for someone, loving them… them being your… bright star, in all of that… Like I could ever forget you.”

He chokes out a sob at that, dry eyes giving way to a swell of emotions. He leans toward her, and she does the same, foreheads resting against each other over the centre console.

She lets a hand brush through his hair. “They never deserved you, Evan. Not for one second.”

“Maybe…”

“Definitely.” She looks him in the eyes, squeezes his hand tight. “I fought them at every turn until I realised it wasn’t going to bring you back, but even then… even then I promised I was gonna find you. And I know… I messed up, with Doug and… and letting you go. I wish I never had.”

“You’re here now.” He says simply, soft smile warming her.

She takes another shaky breath, bolstered at least by his unwavering presence, and presses on. “Mom and Dad hated Doug. They’d barely ever given me any sort of attention or care after Daniel came home but at that point, they pretty much gave up. I sometimes wondered if that’s why I let Doug… do what he did… I don’t think I’d ever known real love since I was a kid and maybe… maybe I thought he was all I deserved.”

“No.” Evan shakes his head. “No. You deserve the world, Mads, and one day… one day you’ll find the person who’ll give it to you.”

“Like Eddie?” She grins a little. “I still read all your emails.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did.” She takes his other hand, holds them both over her heart. “Even when I had nothing… I had you.”

He hugs her tight, awkward as it is in the car, then says. “But surely they cared that he was hurting you? Surely Daniel would have known?”

“He wasn’t there.” She replies. “As soon as he turned eighteen he up and left. Said he’d had enough of Mom and Dad watching his every move, not letting him breathe, not letting him live. He left me there alone and just… disappeared.”

His fists clench in his lap, bottling down the anger that races through him at her words. “So none of them cared… about you… about either of us…” He shakes his head, takes her hands again. “Guess it’s you and me against the world then, and I promise Maddie… I’m never leaving.”

She gives him a shaky smile in return. “Me either.”

Silence rules the car for a minute longer, both simply content in the other’s presence and the truths spoken, the knowledge that is no longer weight or burden but understanding and the ability now to move on.

Then Evan smiles, turns the engine back on. “You told me about yours… Now, how’d you feel about meeting mine?”

Maddie isn’t sure what she expects from Eddie’s (and Evan’s now, judging by their previous intentions and the fact that Evan’s place is half wrecked) home but she loves that the moment the door opens she can hear the bark of a dog and see the messy evidence of two children.

A Samoyed puppy scuttles to the door, white fluffy coat jiggling about like a walking cloud, and Evan immediately bends to pick it up, pressing a kiss to the puppy’s head and letting it lick his face with a laugh. When the puppy has settled in his arms, Evan grins at Maddie. “Meet Sergeant Betty.”

Maddie can’t help but burst out laughing. “That is not what I expected you to say she was called.”

Evan just shrugs, still grinning as he puts the dog down. “We love subverting expectations.” Then he looks down at the puppy and says. “Betty, where’s Eddie?”

The dog responds with a high pitched yip and scuttles off down the corridor. Evan gestures Maddie to follow.

Her eyes trail the walls as they walk, over picture frames and other mementos, and then they’re in an open plan kitchen, Eddie stood by the oven and the window that looks out onto a garden.

“You better not be cooking.” Evan jokes, slipping his arms around Eddie’s waist.

The other man chuckles, turning to press a kiss to his fiance’s lips. “I’d never dare. Chris and Ami already picked out Chinese food.”

“Room for one more?” Evan says, soft smile on his lips as he turns to Maddie, frozen in the doorway.

“Always.” Eddie smiles at her, then move over and holds out his hand. “Eddie Diaz. Evan’s fiancé. I don’t think we’ve officially met.”

“Maddie Buckley.” She takes his hand, smiling back. “Evan’s sister. Though I guess you already knew that.”

“I might be worried about him bringing someone else home otherwise.” Eddie grins, getting a whack on the arm from Evan’s dish cloth in response. “Oh, you did not just…” He wipes the wetness from his arm dramatically, then turns and chases Evan around the island before grabbing him and spinning him around. “Naughty.”

Evan just grins.

“I’m glad he’s had you.” Maddie says, smile wider having watched them. “All of you.”

Eddie turns to her, arms still wrapped around Evan. “We’re the lucky ones to have him.” He presses a kiss to Evan’s cheek. “I don’t know where me and Christopher would have ended up without him.”

“You’d have been fine.” Evan says, blushing softly.

“With my cooking skills? I doubt it.” Eddie grins back.

“Oh, is that all you use me for? My cooking skills?”

“You’re the one who said it.”

Evan just laughs, and the sound rings out so purely that it both fills Maddie with joy and exacerbates her own longing all at once.

She wants this.

All of it.

Eddie presses another kiss to Evan’s lips, then says, “I was watching the kids, actually. I would not go near that thing,” He points to the oven like it’s evil, “otherwise.”

Evan leans over towards Maddie. “He once tried to make grilled cheese and burnt it so bad that not only did they look like charcoal blobs, but we almost had to call the fire service. **When we’re firefighters**.”

He does a little head tilt, like mock exasperation, and Maddie can’t not laugh.

“Hey! Don’t taint my future sister in law’s opinion of me!” Eddie fakes outrage, causing Evan to just grin wider.

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it dear.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Go play with the children while I order food, you overgrown buffoon.”

“Sir, yes sir.” Evan laughs, taking Maddie’s hand and pulling her towards a set of double French doors. “Come on. They’re so excited to meet you.”

In the back yard she can see an array of toys from a swing set and slide to a sand pit and tree house. Currently sitting in the sand pit making a huge sandcastle fortress are a young boy and a young girl, and Maddie feels her heart stop as she looks at them.

“Daddy!”

“Papa!”

Both children cry out as Evan steps into the yard, standing carefully so as to not destroy their creation. Ami waits for Chris to get his crutches from where he’d lain them, and then the two are heading for one of their Dad’s, both beaming from ear to ear.

Evan hugs his children tightly, grin matching their own. “Hey guys, what’ve you been building?”

“It’s the super mega Jedi fortress!” Chris yells.

“Where the Jedi train!” Ami adds.

Maddie can’t help but smile. “They are so your kids Evan.” She remembers countless conversations about Star Wars, and a promise to watch them together some day.

Both kids turn to look at her, still smiling but obviously wondering who she is, and Evan is quick to jump in. “Chris, Ami, this is your Aunt Maddie.”

“Aunt Maddie?” Chris questions, but it’s more like he can’t believe it than he’s questioning it, and it makes Maddie wonder whether Evan had told them about him.

Ami meanwhile simply squeals and launches herself at Maddie. “Aunt Maddie!” Her legs are hugged tighter than anything, and it confirms her previous thought.

Kneeling down, Maddie hugs Ami, leaving an arm open for Chris, who grins and steps towards her. Evan’s smile just widens as she hugs the kids, like his family is finally complete, and maybe it is.

And in that single moment, Maddie knows she’s home.

Maddie fits seamlessly into the 118 Fire-Fam, like she’s been there all along.

She, Hen, Karen, Athena and May take it upon themselves to plan the wedding, after both Evan and Eddie question why they can’t just have a small ceremony at the town hall.

She bonds quickly with the kids, and Evan and Eddie are more than happy to have an extra set of hands around the house. She takes Evan’s old place, and even finds herself with feelings developing for Evan’s colleague, Howard.

She’s not quite ready to put herself out there, but when she is…

And as the big day rolls around, Evan is secretly glad for the preparation and celebration, but more so to have his sister by his side.

Both his sisters.

May stands as his Best-woman, Maddie and Ami as his Grooms-maids, while Eddie has Christopher as his Best-man, with Chim and Harry as his grooms-men.

Their favourite song plays as they enter. Bobby and Athena stand on either side of their son, giving him away, while Abuela and Pepa had walked Eddie down first.

As Evan stands beside the love of his life, as they recite their vows, he wonders how – with everything – he got so lucky.

He wonders, for just a second, if he really deserves this.

Then they’re pronounced husbands, Eddie kisses him, and just one thought fills his mind.

Happy endings do exist.

Then the twins arrive, and Evan doesn’t think that life could get any better than this.

It hadn’t been long after their wedding that he and Eddie had decided to expand their family once more. Though Evan had kept his name as Nash at work, for ease, the family of four were legally Nash-Diaz. Eddie had adopted Ami the week after their wedding, while Evan adopted Chris.

And as much as they loved them both, there was a part of them that knew they had missed out on sharing all those firsts together; a part of them that knew their hearts still had more love to give.

They go with surrogacy, using Evan’s DNA (A baby with those blue eyes, had been Eddie’s remark), and pretty soon they’re announcing to the Fire-Fam that another Nash-Diaz will soon be pitter-pattering around the firehouse. Their big wholesome family can’t be happier, especially Bobby and Athena, who are thrilled to have more grandchildren to spoil.

The surprise comes when Nina, their surrogate, goes into labour a week early, sending both firefighters scurrying from their shift early; Evan calling Maddie in a panic as they head to the hospital.

“We hadn’t even decided on a name yet!”

“Evan!” Maddie laughs. “It’s not like this is a huge surprise!”

“I know, I know.” Evan responds, breathing heavily as they pull up in the parking lot. “But we were supposed to have more time and I haven’t finished everything for the nursery between shifts and…”

“Evan. Breathe.” Maddie says softly, and he lets his sister’s voice soothe him as much as possible. “I’ll be there soon.”

Then he and Eddie are rushing inside, and little else matters then except the woman who is giving them the greatest gift, and the new addition to their family.

Or, additions, as it turns out.

Eddie almost feints when the doctor tells them about baby number two, while Evan just mutters softly, “We’re gonna need more clothes, and another crib, and another…” in a mantra of disbelief.

Yet the moment both children are born, when Eddie and Evan each have a bundle of joy in their arms, bright blue eyes gazing up at them, it feels only like this was meant to be.

“You wanna surprise everyone?” Evan grins at Eddie as a nurse tells them their family is waiting outside.

“It’s only fair.” Eddie grins back. He heads out first with a pink bundle wrapped in his arms, and the entire family edge in around him, cooing over the beautiful baby girl.

“Her name is Charlotte Madeline Nash-Diaz.”

Maddie’s eyes fill with tears, unbidden, and Eddie is more than happy to give the aunt first dibs on her new niece. As she holds the precious baby girl and promises to always look out for her, Hen grins over at Eddie. “Christopher and Charlotte. I think Ami’s gonna be jealous.”

“Nah, I think she’ll be okay.” Evan says from the back of the group.

Hen turns, spots the blue bundle he’s holding, and gasps. “Evan Nash-Diaz, did you take a second one?!”

The rest of the family turns, similar emotions playing out across their faces, while Evan just grins.

“We’d like everyone to meet Alexander Robert Nash-Diaz.” Evan says softly, handing the baby first to Bobby, whose eyes tear up immediately as Maddie’s did. “Our little surprise.”

Bobby gently takes the precious bundle, makes the same promise Maddie did for both of them, then meets his son’s eyes and says, “I’m so proud of you, kid.”

It’s in that moment that joy fills Evan – radiates through the entire family – completely and wholly.

Less than a year later, the bubble bursts, and it all comes crashing down around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone looked at the character list I posted on Chapter 1, I have changed Boy Twin’s name from Cameron to Alexander. This is because originally it was going to be Evan and Eddie, with Chris, Charlotte and Cam. As Ami was added in, I decided to make it Evan and Eddie, Chris and Charlotte, Ami and Alec. Just because… lol.


	7. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is where it starts to get super interesting and angsty!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

It starts with feeling tired and breathless.

Then the bruises appear, and he flashes back to all those years ago, to the white washed walls and the smell of disinfectant; and the little blonde boy who looked at him like he hung the moon.

They feel like dreams sometimes, less like memories – compounded by what he knows to be true.

**The little blonde boy doesn’t exist.**

Yet the moment he’s collapsing breathlessly onto the tarmac, a passerby calling an ambulance, he wonders maybe if they’re real after all.

He wonders just how much he locked away in that box at the back of his mind; how much he told himself he didn’t want to remember.

It starts with blood tests and scans, with that dreaded word slipping from his parent’s lips for the first time in years – because of course the hospital called them.

It starts with a call that’s never answered.

It starts with those four simple words that he utters.

“She lives in LA.”

For Maddie, it starts with a phone call.

She’s on a date with Howard when she feels the tell-tale buzz from inside her purse, and the only reason she throws him an apologetic smile and takes it out of her purse is because Ami wasn’t well.

She’d had a bad cough for a day or so, and the previous night had developed a low grade fever. Not bad enough to warrant an emergency, but enough for Evan to be panicking about the six year old.

With Maddie’s previous nursing experience, Evan had called her a couple of times during the day already for advice or just to check in. She’d almost cancelled the date, but Eddie had promised they were okay and that they’d only call if they absolutely needed her.

So hearing her phone buzz then sends a wave of panic through her, but the moment she sees the name on the screen, it all turns to ice.

_Mom_

She hesitates for a moment, hits the red icon, then slips her phone back in her purse.

“Everything okay?” Howie asks, concerned, and Maddie feels a wave of affection drown out everything else.

Her hand slips across the table, taking his, and she smiles. “Just fine.”

She really wishes she’d picked up the phone now.

They had capped off the evening at Howard’s and the next morning she had gone over to the Nash-Diaz household to check on her eldest niece.

Ami’s fever had thankfully broken, and the little girl was looking much better now, a bowl of ice cream in her lap. She grins when she sees Maddie, though her voice is a little raspy still as she says, “Aunt Maddie!” and hugs her tight.

“How are you doing sweetie?” Maddie asks, handing her a little stuffed polar bear from the bag at her side. Of course she’d stopped by the toy store on the way over – ignoring once again the light ribbing from Evan about spoiling them as he’d opened the door.

“Daddy gave me medicine, and Papa let me have some ice cream!” She says, beaming as she cuddles the polar bear tightly. “I love it Aunt Maddie!”

“Well your zoo doesn’t have a polar bear yet, does it?”

Ami shakes her head. “Or a Giraffe or a pottamus!”

Maddie laughs. “I suppose you’ll have to see what I brought your brothers and sister too.”

“Can I help?!”

“You need to rest Tinkerbell.” Evan says from the edge of the room, fond eyes watching the both of them and the sleeping twins in their playpen.

Ami huffs a little, but settles back on the couch with her ice cream.

“Look at you, Mr Dad. Laying down the rules.” Maddie jokes as she hugs him. It was well known amongst the family that Eddie tended to be the one to lay down the rules while Evan was the one who loved to bend them.

“She would happily run around all day if I let her.” He says. “But the doctor said she has tonsillitis and needs to rest. If she doesn’t, it might just get worse and honestly… I don’t want her to have to have them out.” He sighs softly. “I don’t want to see her in a hospital bed again. So if I have to be bad Dad… so be it.”

It had only been a few months prior that Ami had had an accident at the park, falling awkwardly down the slide and catching her head. It had only been a small cut, requiring three stitches and a night’s stay, but it had been enough for Evan; for all of them really.

Since then he’d been extremely overprotective of the kids, even if it lost him a few points with the older two.

“Hey, you’re the best Dad.” She presses a kiss to his forehead. “You’re allowed to be scared for them.”

“I’m scared for them every day.” He tells her, voice soft, filled with emotion. “Scared that they might be looked down upon for something that doesn’t define them. Scared that one day me or Eddie might not come home.”

“That will never happen.” She tells him, taking his hands and squeezing them tight. “They have the biggest family to protect them from all of that, and you and Eddie will always fight to come home to them.”

“Yeah.” He smiles shakily. “You’re right.”

She knows she is.

She just hopes neither of them will ever make her a liar.

After spending some time with the six, she heads back home, settling down with a cup of tea and a book on the window seat that overlooks the front yard.

The house hasn’t changed much since she took it over from Evan, beyond repainted walls, a few new pieces of furniture, and her own pictures now hanging on the walls. The people in the pictures haven’t changed much though; the kids have gotten older, the twins are featured in many and, of course, there’s her. They showcase all the great memories she’s had since moving here; they’re the brightness that lights her way when she feels lost.

The mantelpiece holds her favourites; her and Evan, the kids, her holding Charlotte when she was born, her and Howard, and herself with the Grant-Nash family, now an honorary member.

The entire house is like a shrine to the lighter years of her life, and she loves it.

She loves them.

Her stomach is growling at her by the time the clock hits 2pm, so she stretches her legs and heads into the kitchen to make a sandwich. She sets about making PB&J – not her usual taste but something she’s been craving for a few days now – when the doorbell goes, and she ends up answering it with part of the sandwich half stuffed in her mouth.

She almost chokes when she sees the people on the other side.

“Mom? Dad?”

Margaret and Philip Buckley stand in front of her, one exasperated, the other annoyed, like she should have known they were coming and be standing there with tea and biscuits. Instead she’s in her sweats, mouth frozen mid chew, sandwich limp in her hand.

“Maddie.” Her mother says, voice hard and cold.

Maddie swallows, steps aside. “Um… come in?” She doesn’t want to ask how they found her.

“You seem to be doing well for yourself.” Her mother says, though it’s dripping with condescension.

She can’t help but snap back a little. “Well enough for being on my own.” It’s not wholly true. She has the whole Firefam, and Evan owning the house meant her rent was nowhere near what could be expected for LA, but they don’t need to know that.

They don’t deserve to know that.

Her father’s gaze snaps to her, eyes narrowed. “It’s called being an adult, Maddie.”

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t have continued coddling Daniel if he hadn’t have left?”

Silence permeates the air, all three gazes locked, and then her mother huffs, something else tainting her voice as she says. “That’s why we’re here, actually.”

There’s the slightest tremor, a moment of weakness, and Maddie doesn’t have to ask. Her heart simply starts pounding in her chest. “He’s sick again, isn’t he?” There’s a terror that instantly fills her chest but whether it’s for Daniel, Evan or both, she can’t tell.

“Yes.”

“That’s why you called.” She breathes, and that panic that’s inside is suddenly eating her whole because it hits her that they’re here, in this house, where Evan’s face beams out from photo after photo, where he often comes over without warning, and the precious balance they’ve had for the past two years is suddenly in jeopardy. Just one moment, one look, one spark of recognition, and it’s all going to come crumbling down.

She shakes her head, forcing her lungs to expand, her mind to calm. She can fix this.

She **will** fix this.

“You need to leave.” She says, and for the first time in her life she’s literally pushing them to the door, voice as hard as theirs; no room for arguments.

She won’t let them get their hands on Evan again.

Not even for Daniel.

But then she forgets the frame beside the doorway, her favourite of all of them. Evan beams out at the camera, face filling half the frame. He’s half bent over, LAFD uniform visible even with Maddie half leant over his back, head thrown back with laughter. It had been one of their earlier days, a few weeks after she’d gotten out of hospital. He’d offered to show her around the firehouse at the end of his shift, and some stupid joke or something had ended up with him giving her a sort of piggy back; joy lighting their eyes so completely as Bobby took an impromptu photo.

“Maddie.” Her mother’s voice shakes more then, gaze locked on the frame. “Who is this?”

“A friend.” She grinds out, unlatching the door. “Now I believe I asked you to leave.”

“Maddie…” Her mother turns to face her then, and for the first time in so many years she can see tears in the woman’s eyes. Except, for Maddie, there’s nothing that sparks any emotion in her at the sight. Anything she’d ever felt for her mother was long gone; away with the possibilities of what could have been.

“Go.”

“Who. Is. This?”

She wants more than anything to say nothing, but maybe it’s the fact that the truth is staring them in the face and they all know it, no matter what Maddie says, or maybe it’s the way those tears plonk onto the slat flooring like they’re supposed to mean something.

“Who do you think, Mom?” Maddie spits, eyes blazing. “Do you both really think I fell for your little bag of lies? Do you think I ever forgot waking up one morning and finding my little brother gone? Do you really think I ever stopped searching?”

To some credit, at least, her father steps back, expression trembling just slightly. “Evan.”

“You don’t go near him.” Maddie tells them then, using the advantage of their shock to get them out of the door completely. “He has a life here, and a **family** who **loves him**. You don’t get to come here and do anything to ruin that.”

“Your brother is sick…” Her mother whispers. “And Evan…”

“Is a human being who deserves respect.” Maddie responds, expression hard and determined. She may have once loved these people, but they deserved nothing from her now and certainly not from Evan. “He’s not some vending machine that you can use whenever you feel like it. So as I said, you don’t go near him. Trust me, he has a police sergeant for a Mom.”

Then, as she closes the door:

“We both do.”

For Bobby, it starts with visitors to the firehouse who neither belong there, nor ever will.

The moment he hears ‘Margaret and Philip Buckley’ pass through their lips is the moment his demeanour shifts; kind hearted Captain giving away to the extremely protective father.

“You need to go.” He says immediately, unknowingly echoing Maddie’s words from only an hour previous.

“We’re here to see our son, Evan.” Margaret says, unfazed by his attitude, but like hell is Bobby going let these two vipers anywhere near his boy. He doesn’t know why they’re here and frankly he doesn’t care. They broke his heart long ago.

They don’t get a second chance. Not now. Not ever.

Not while Robert Nash is still breathing.

“The only Evan here, is **my son** , who I have raised since he was five years old, after he was abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him.” Bobby’s voice, like Maddie’s, is unwavering. “As far as I’m concerned, you have no reason to be here. Now you can leave, or I can call one of my wife’s colleagues to escort you out.”

He can see the fight in both of them, her more than him, and sense that there’s something deeper at play – they certainly don’t decide to show up here after abandoning him twenty five years ago for a picnic or a party; not to mention the question of how they knew Buck was here in the first place. Either way, Bobby knows he’s not letting them anywhere near his boy.

If Evan wants to see them, that’s his choice, but they don’t get to barge into the station while they’re on shift and start making demands of people they don’t know and never tried to know.

The woman’s face is like thunder, and he’s sure she’d spit at him if she didn’t seem so hell bend on keeping a ‘prim and proper’ image, but the man seems to be the wiser of the two. He whispers softly to her, then turns and heads out.

She takes one last look at Bobby, gaze narrowed, then turns on her heel and follows her husband out.

A moment later, Evan jogs down the stairs to his Dad’s side. “Who was that?”

The words freeze in Bobby’s throat, and he just turns, pulling Evan along with him.

“Wrong house.”


	8. Family Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love guys. This chapter was kinda hard to write, my muse wasn’t really flowing, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Warning for lots of angst, illness, and the Buckley’s being disgustingly ableist toward Christopher (Buck sets them straight like a protective papa bear!).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.

There are no secrets between them, but Robert Nash is still a father and a Captain, first and foremost. They had three hours left on their shift and he had no-one to call as a replacement, so he has to make the decision then to not tell Evan; just for now.

He can’t have his firefighter, his **son** , distracted when they’d already been having a slew of dangerous calls this past week.

So he bottles up the bubbling anger and disbelief that swirls through him, maintains his usual calm professionalism, and forces himself to carry on through the day. He’s thankful when they get called to a two alarm fire that requires them all to be one hundred percent focused on the task at hand, and more so when Evan is one of the last to exit, having stayed to find one of the last victims.

He hugs his son close, ignoring the smell of ash and soot from the curled blonde locks beneath his nose, ignores Evan’s own words that he’s okay, and just thanks anyone listening that he hadn’t seen the Buckley’s; that he was here, safe in Bobby’s arms.

They finish shift two hours late. The moment they’re exiting the truck Evan is complaining about how hungry he is, and yeah, Bobby thinks with a smile, his boy is fine.

He just hopes the Buckley’s don’t try anything that might threaten that.

Still, with the end of shift comes the time for truth, and Bobby knows his boy is strong enough to get through whatever the reason is that the Buckley’s have come here.

He knows his boy knows his family always has his back.

“Think we can whip something up quick, pops?” Evan grins.

Bobby gives him a tight smile. “I was thinking that diner you like?”

“Weekly father son night?” Evan replies, grin not diminishing. If he can tell something’s wrong, he doesn’t show it. When Bobby nods, he turns, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Just don’t forget you promised the kids another story.” Eddie smiles back, teasing, but there’s something in the way his eyes shift to Bobby’s that tells the elder man he understands there’s something more going on, even if Buck himself might not.

Bobby just nods once, a silent promise, as Buck happily replies to his husband, “I never would.”

The diner is a few blocks from the firehouse, serves the best chocolate cheesecake in the city, and remains Buck’s favourite place since he was seventeen. While their father-son outings might have diminished slightly since Evan became a father himself, it remained somewhere that Bobby enjoyed taking his son, and as much as part of him didn’t want to marr the place with this day’s revelation, he also wanted Evan to be somewhere comfortable and familiar.

They settle down at their usual booth in the back corner, both ordering iced tea and loaded fries. They chat about the usual while waiting for and then eating their food – the kids and how they’re getting on, Bobby and Athena’s plans for their upcoming anniversary, and so on – but thirty minutes in Bobby notices Evan pushing his food around his plate, and sighs.

Evan looks up and just smiles softly. “You ready to tell me what’s going on now?”

Bobby just sighs again, then pushes his own plate away. “Always were too smart for your own good.”

“Nah. You’re just a bad liar.”

Silence descends over the booth for a long moment, broken only as Evan slides a hand across the table, squeezing his Dad’s arm softly. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m not gonna break.”

Bobby supposes it’s like ripping off a band aid. Better to just get it over with. “Those people who came to the firehouse… it was Margaret and Philip Buckley.”

Evan blinks for a second, lets the words settle, then says. “You know what they wanted?”

“Didn’t give them chance.” Bobby says firmly.

At the very least, Evan laughs. “Papa bear’s claws coming out.”

“You might be able to take care of yourself, Evan, but I’m not gonna let them hurt you again.”

“I already know I don’t ever want them in my life.” Evan replies, glancing down at his phone as it beeps rapidly at him, brow furrowing. “I have a family. They come anywhere near us, I’m gonna tell them where to go.”

The words make Bobby smile, but he quickly notices that the boy seems suddenly distracted, and frowns himself. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah… Uh, Maddie texted SOS.”

“You want me to drop you off?” Bobby asks, concern for his pretty-much-adopted-just-not-officially-daughter rising.

“Please.”

He enters Maddie’s alone though, tells his Dad not to hang around; that he’ll text once he knows what’s up. The blinking red lights of the security system and Maddie’s second text told them it wasn’t anything to be concerned about as such; not that it eased their worry much.

The door clicks shut behind him, and his big sister is quick to usher him into the living room. Her face is a little pale, hands shaky, and Evan immediately draws her into a hug. “What’s wrong, Mads?”

She takes a moment to compose herself, then meets his gaze, eyes already teary. “Mom and Dad showed up.”

The final puzzle pieces slot together in his head about how they must have known where he worked, and Evan just nods. The house was filled to the brim with pictures, a few of which showed him in uniform, and he’d been in enough news documented incidents that a quick search of ‘Evan’ and ‘LAFD’ would reveal soon enough that he worked for the 118.

“Yeah… Dad kinda kicked them out of the firehouse.”

Maddie’s eyes widen. “They actually went there?! I told them to leave you the hell alone!”

Evan can’t help but laugh at his sister’s sudden fury; her own protectiveness rearing its head. “You actually said that to them?”

“Damn right I did.” She shakes her head, quickly standing and pacing the room. “They really think after everything that they’re just gonna come here and ask you – ” She cuts herself off, movement halting abruptly.

Evan’s brows rise, head tilting just a little as he watches her. “Ask me what, Mads?”

Her eyes are suddenly downcast, light sobs shaking her entire body.

“Mads?” He jumps up, wrapping her in another hug. “What’s going on?” He feels suddenly and completely out of the loop, and it has him both wanting to know and also fearing to know at the same time.

“Daniel’s sick again.” Her words are so quiet, almost inaudible, but he hears them as loudly as if someone had shouted them down his ear through a megaphone.

His grip on her loosens just a fraction in his shock. “He… Oh…”

Of course they hadn’t come for any reason that concerned him.

Not that he wanted it, of course, or even expected it.

Yet, to know once again that they were interested in him only where it concerned Daniel…

It still hurt the little boy inside him that had wanted nothing more than his parents’ love.

“They came to tell me, but they saw a picture of you and… I’m sorry.” She sobs into his chest. “I’m sorry, Evan. If I hadn’t come here…”

“Don’t.” He whispers, pulling her back closer. “There’s not a day goes by that I’m not glad you’re back in my life. Whatever comes next… we’ll deal with it together.”

She nods against him, breath hitching, and then – because of course this guy is her brother too, no matter what bad blood there was between them; “What are you gonna do?”

He gazes across the room a frame on the wall – the entire firefam at Bobby and Athena’s, and specifically the image of himself and Eddie with a baby in each of their arms, and Ami and Chris between them.

“What am I supposed to do?”

The answer doesn’t come to him there and then. Instead his brain remains a mess of broken spaghetti strands, all tied up and twisted, as he makes his way home, as he reads the kids a story and hopes they don’t notice when he doesn’t do his voices with their usual vigour, and as he climbs into bed with Eddie, broken sigh slipping through chapped lips.

His husband simply holds him close as he pours it all out, holds him through ragged sobs and laboured breaths, until they both fall into an uneasy sleep.

A few days later, thankfully Buckley free, brings the weekend, and with it the 118 fire-fam’s monthly park picnic.

As Ami and Chris bound into their bedroom to wake them, Evan feels the stress of the past few days slip from his shoulders. For the next few hours at least he doesn’t have to think about the Buckley’s, or Daniel, or anything other than his beautiful family.

Although, he should have known that fate wouldn’t be so kind to him.

They’ve been at the park for maybe an hour – half the family sat around on blankets chatting and the kids over at the park playing, watched over by May and Harry – when Maddie’s gaze catches on something approaching, eyes widening. “No…”

Evan turns, gaze matching his sisters as he sees two people he’s only ever seen in a photograph. “Is that…?” He whispers, even though he knows it is but he’s praying that his sister will tell him wrong.

“They shouldn’t be here.” She grinds out, protectiveness flaring once more as she gets to her feet.

“Don’t.” Evan reaches out his hand, resting it just below her elbow. “They’re not worth it, Maddie.”

He knows she’d been up to see Daniel, who was currently at Santa Maria hospital, a few hours drive away, but beyond that she hadn’t mentioned her parents or the heaviness that was resting on Evan’s shoulders.

She was letting him make his own decision, even if – realistically – Evan knew there was no decision to be made.

Maddie shakes her head but settles back down on the blanket, turning her gaze away even as Margaret Buckley calls out to her daughter.

“We were hoping we’d find you here.”

Maddie reluctantly spares them a glance. “I’m pretty sure it’s just called stalking.”

Philip sighs. “Your social media posts aren’t private Maddie, and we’re your parents.”

“Hm.” She levels them with her best steely glare. “So what is it you want then? Not like you’ve ever bothered checking up on me before.”

“You know why.” Margaret says, tone cold and hard as she lets her gaze move over the other occupants of the blanket, until they finally rest on Evan.

Her gaze is like heat and ice all at once, and it makes Evan squirm involuntarily. “I don’t have anything to do with either of you.”

“We’re your parents.”

Evan shakes his head, matching his sister’s glare. “No. You’re nothing to me.” He watches with satisfaction as Philip flinches, then turns to the double stroller beside the blanket as Lottie starts to fuss. He scoops the one year old into his arms, shushing her gently. “It’s okay, sweetie, Daddy’s here.”

At that, Margaret’s eyes widen just a fraction. “You have a child?”

Bobby, having watched the interaction silently so far, grins a little, taking Athena’s hand. “We have four grandkids, don’t we dear?”

“Indeed we do.” Athena responds, smirking wickedly. “And they sure love their grammy and grampy.”

Evan can see the Buckley’s take a step back at that, and lets himself smirk a little, passing Lottie to Bobby. “You mind taking her, Dad? I think she needs a little walk around.”

“My pleasure.” Bobby smiles, placing Lottie back in the pushchair with Alec and then heading off around the tarmac path that circles the grassy field and playground.

Then, as if on cue, Christopher starts approaching them, grinning. “Papa! Will you come play catch with me and Ami?”

Evan grins back at him. “Course I will, Superman. I’ll be over in a minute.”

Chris whoops and starts making his way back to Ami, both his Papa and his Dad watching the two with beaming smiles.

“Oh god, one of them’s a cripple.” Margaret whispers to her husband, and Evan feels Eddie’s body ripple and tense in response.

He stiffens himself, anger coiling deep in his gut, and one glance at his husband says _I will handle it_. Standing, he turns to the Buckley’s, fury in his eyes. “Don’t you dare.” He spits, venom coating every word. “I don’t expect either of you to know the first thing about parenting, but let me tell you this. That little boy is one of the bravest, most selfless and caring people on the planet. I count myself lucky every day that I get to be in his life. He makes me, makes all of us, a better person. Don’t you dare come here and judge him; judge my family. **You** don’t have that right. **No-one** has that right.”

He can see her mouth open, sure to spout more garbage or indignation, but Evan holds a hand up. He won’t hear any of it.

“I don’t care why you’re here, or what you want from me, but I will tell you one thing. You **ever** disrespect my son again, and I will sure as hell let Daniel rot.”

It’s a complete lie, of course. He would never punish someone for someone else’s sins. But they don’t know that, and right now, if they supposedly need him so badly, then they damn well are gonna treat his kid – his family – with the respect they deserve.

Margaret splutters, eyes wide. “He’s your brother.”

“No.” Evan just turns and starts making his way towards where Chris and Ami are playing. “He isn’t.”

It’s Sunday when Daniel sees his parents again, not that he makes much effort to even greet them. It’s barely been a few weeks, but he’s already tired of the way they choose to constantly baby him, like he isn’t thirty one years old and completely capable of being a functioning human.

It’s barely been a few weeks and he’s already exhausted.

“Can’t they just do a bone marrow transplant again and let me go?” He grumbles after they remind him for the third time that afternoon of the treatment plan.

There’s something that flickers over both their faces then, something new, and it has him sitting up straight, brows furrowed as he tries to read them. “What? What is it?”

His father sighs. “We can’t get you a transplant right now.”

“But… soon?” He questions, picking up on the _right now_ of his father’s statement, and the look the elder man gives his mother.

“We don’t know.” Philip replies, sighing softly.

There’s definitely something more going on between them, and with every second that passes, Daniel wants to know more.

“What’s going on?” He puts every bit of strength he has into his voice, almost pleading for them to tell him what they seem to be saying silently to each other.

Margaret huffs. “We may as well.”

“What good will it do?”

“He hates us.” His mother says, but the strong words lack such feeling to match, and Daniel just feels even more confused. Who hates them? He doesn’t himself – dislikes maybe, is exhausted by them, definitely, but hates… No.

“With good reason.”

“Philip.” She huffs again. “Maybe if they meet…”

Daniel shakes his head, repeats again, “what is going on?” and then… almost wishes he never had in the first place.

The little blonde boy is real.

The little blonde boy was his brother.

**Is** his brother.

The little blonde boy is his match.

The little blonde boy was tossed away like trash the moment he got better.

The little blonde boy doesn’t want to help.

**He shouldn’t have to help.**

Daniel feels his anger rise on the boy’s – on Evan’s – behalf, disbelief at what his parents had done waging war with his own want to live.

How could they have done this, all those years ago?

How could they now be expecting a basic stranger, someone they had abandoned, to drop everything and help him?

How could they think that any of this was okay?

“Get out.” He grinds out through clenched teeth, body literally shaking and heart monitor beating faster as his blood pressure rises.

Neither of them move, frozen like statues as cold hazel eyes – usually filled with joy and laughter – lock onto them.

“I said get out!”

The moment he’s left alone, Daniel Buckley burrows his head in his pillow and cries.


	9. Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter! You really inspired me to write today. I have a good chunk of this arc planned out; expect lots of angst, sibling bonding, and very little Buckley Parent redemption!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.
> 
> Warning in this chapter for depression, swearing and death-acceptance/giving up (I’m not sure how to term what Daniel goes through here). Please read with care, and if you are struggling, speak to a friend, family member, or trained professional.

The Buckley’s don’t leave the hospital as Daniel had hoped. In fact they hover around the hallway outside like flies around trashcans, poking their heads in and offering advice that he doesn’t need or want, trying to force him to talk when he just wants to sleep.

Three whole days pass before they try and bring Evan into the conversation again, and Daniel finds his already thin, worn patience snapping like an over taut rubber band.

“Just stop!” He yells as they once again talk about treatment plans and ‘maybe if Evan just,’ and Daniel is just so tired of hearing it; so tired of them talking about two of their kids like they’re nothing more than problems to be fixed. “I’m done hearing you talk like this is something you get to just decide!”

“We’re trying to get you better.” Margaret tells him, tears in her eyes, but Daniel’s known her long enough to know when his mother is trying to put on a show, trying to guilt her kids because she thinks it’s for the best.

“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re trying to manipulate things to suit your own ends, just like you always have done.”

“Daniel.” There’s a tone of warning in his father’s voice, but it’s marked with hurt too. Daniel knows that his father has never been as inherently manipulative as his mother, but he still never went against her either.

“I’m not a child anymore, Dad.” Daniel turns to him. “This isn’t me falling off my bike and needing you to patch me up. We’re talking about another human being and you’re both talking like he isn’t worth your consideration.” His gaze lands back on his mother, eyes watering. “You’re talking about my brother.”

“Only you seem to think so.” His mother grumbles.

“Margaret.” Philip shoots her a look that says more than Daniel knows.

“What? Are we going to just forget what he said to us at the park?”

“You insulted his son.” Philip snaps back. “What did you expect?”

Daniel blinks at them, taken aback. “Son? I… I have a nephew?” Then he shakes his head, this new knowledge only compounding the anger he feels at how they’re acting. “So he has a family, and you’re just… barging into his life like you didn’t abandon him all those years ago? Expecting him to help some complete stranger when he has his own things going on?”

He stares at the both of them, incredulous. “I can’t believe you.”

Margaret stares back at him, lips pursed. “We’re doing what’s best for you.”

“I never asked you to.” Daniel bites back. “I don’t want you too.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He takes a breath, levels them with a stare that says he’s deadly serious, and says. “It means that I won’t accept any donation you force him to give. It means that I don’t want you here.”

“Stop being so childish Daniel.” His mother snaps. “This is your health you’re talking about, and we’re your medical proxies. We can’t just leave.”

“Yes, you can.” He doesn’t blink, hands gripped on the edge of the blanket around him. “I changed my proxy to Maddie, yesterday. You don’t get to make these decisions anymore. Not about me, and not about Evan.”

“If you don’t get a transplant from him…” His mother shakes her head, and this time the tears are real. It tugs at him slightly, but he won’t back down because at the end of the day they made their decisions; decisions that none of them, Evan especially, ever asked to be part of. “You might die, Daniel.”

He swallows thickly, gaze still unwavering.

“Then I die.”

Evan spends a lot of time thinking about Daniel after their disastrous park outing.

For three days he lies restless in bed, or in the bunks at the station, phone in hand as he looks up the process for bone marrow donation, the possible risks and the side effects; every shred of information that he can get his hands on.

He knows there are other treatments Daniel could have, but that the transplant is his best option.

He knows there are very little risks to the donor, and that he’d be back at work soon enough.

He literally has no reason to say no, and every reason to say yes, and yet… something stops him from making that call to Maddie; from saying yes, he will save their brother’s life.

Since he was fifteen years old, Evan Nash has known that it was his purpose in life to save people – to put himself on the line day in and day out to ensure others got the chance to continue on – and yet, he wonders if this is simply too much.

It’s not even anything to do with Daniel himself, and that’s what feels the worst.

It’s the fact that agreeing would give the Buckley’s exactly what they want, and wouldn’t teach them a damn thing. They wouldn’t appreciate their children more, wouldn’t appreciate Evan’s existence, they would simply go on as they had done.

And if something should happen again…

He’d be constantly putting his life on hold, worrying his family, to be their own personal vending machine and that wasn’t right.

Yet was it right to let Daniel suffer for his parents’ mistakes?

No. It wasn’t, and knowingly letting someone else suffer was something he had sworn never to do.

So he doesn’t really have an option, at the end of the day.

He doesn’t really have a say in the matter, even where he feels he should.

“Daniel doesn’t either.” Eddie says that morning before work, as they’re lying awake discussing the situation. “It really sucks, I know… but I also know you’re someone who does the right thing, no matter how hard it is.”

His husband knows him the best of anyone, of course, and the words ring so loudly in his mind for the entirety of the shift that he almost calls Maddie three times.

Then the letter arrives, cream envelope and stiff handwriting, and he knows immediately who it’s from.

_Dear Evan,_

_I know I’m the last person you want to hear from right now, which is why I thought a letter might be best, but there are some things I feel you ought to know._

_First of all, I apologise for Margaret’s comment this past Saturday. I won’t excuse it in the slightest. I only hope you and your boy are okay._

_Second, while it doesn’t change a thing, I know, I feel I need to say this anyway. It was her decision, to send you away. While I may have agreed it was for one reason, and one reason only. Because you deserved better. I think you’ve gotten that, and for that, I’m glad._

_Lastly, I hope that you might find it in your heart to speak to Daniel. We’ve told him everything and… he’s giving up. I can’t lose another son. So please, if you care about him at all… please speak to him._

_With deepest thanks,_

_Philip Buckley._

Evan’s hands are trembling by the time he finishes the letter, heart thudding in his chest and a ringing loud and painful filling his ears.

_You deserved better._

What sort of excuse was that when they couldn’t have known where he’d end up? **When they’d all but ignored Maddie for most of her life?**

_I can’t lose another son._

And what the hell was that supposed to mean? He’d never been their son, not in their eyes and certainly not in his. Was this some ploy to guilt him into donating? To make **him** feel like the bad guy when they were the ones who’d screwed up?

Yet…

_He’s giving up._

**That** is what tugs on his heart like a fishing line hooked onto too big a catch; sharp and painful. **That** is what leaves tears streaking down his cheeks, hand shaking around the now scrunched up letter, and sobs wracking his lithe frame.

He can’t be responsible for his brother – **his brother** – not getting to live the life he deserves.

He can’t have that on his conscience.

As Eddie had said, he was always going to choose to do the right thing, no matter how hard.

Quivering hand pulling his phone from his pocket and hitting speed-dial, he tells his sister five simple words.

“I want to meet him.”

As it turns out, Evan does want to see him, and Daniel doesn’t know what to think of that.

A day has passed since he’d told his parents that he didn’t have them as his proxy anymore, that he refused any transplant they might force Evan to give, and only his father had been back, just the once, to give him the news.

“Maddie called. Evan wants to see you.” Philip said softly. “Just… don’t make any rash decisions?”

It was perhaps the first time in his life where he truly believed his father cared about him, and not just because of obligation. It didn’t change how he felt about what they’d done, didn’t change that he wouldn’t accept any outcome of their manipulations, yet…

If Evan really wanted to see him, of his own volition… if he was truly willing to donate… then could he really give up? Could he really throw away everything he had to live for?

Except, what did he have, really?

He hadn’t had a relationship of any sort of seriousness since he was in his early twenties, and as much as he’d enjoyed his time traveling to different places, hadn’t he really just been running from his parents?

He certainly hadn’t been running to find anything, that was for sure.

From what he understood, his brother had a family, and even his sister had found someone she was looking to settle down with.

What did he have?

Why should Evan give something up, put himself at risk, for someone the world wouldn’t miss?

He wasn’t worth it, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve the care and concern he sees in Maddie’s eyes the moment she enters the room.

“Hey.” She says softly, though she hovers by the doorway in a way that tells him Evan is waiting outside. He’s not sure why, but it sends a thrill of both excitement and dread through him. “So, Mom told me what happened.”

He can’t help but raise a brow at that. “Told you, or…”

“More like shouted down my ear about how I need to talk sense into both you and Evan like neither of you are your own person.” She shrugs, moving towards the end of the bed and resting a hand on his leg. “That said… I don’t want you to give up, Danny.”

“I’m not.” He whispers softly, though he isn’t sure if either of them believe it. “I just refuse to give them this power over him. I refuse to let them think they can just… fix this without thinking about him.”

She gives him a soft smile. “He’s not here because of them. He’s here because of you.”

He nods slowly, blinking back a couple of tears. “So, you know him?” His parents had said as much when they told him about Evan’s existence – that they were a part of each other’s lives – but he doesn’t know much more; **they** don’t know much more. It hurts a little, but he also knows he only has himself to blame.

He may have been running from his parents but that had also meant running from Maddie, and in that respect, he knows he let her down.

She nods. “He saved me when I left Doug, gave me a safe place to stay, to live.”

“But you knew him before that. Why else come here?” He’s been questioning everything since they told him about Evan; things that he’d left or ignored.

“I found him first when I was eighteen, just after you left, and before I met Doug.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, unable to stop the hurt from seeping into his voice. “Why did none of you tell me before now?”

“Honestly?” She asks, and he nods. “I couldn’t contact you at first. You didn’t leave a number or anything, Danny, and by the time you did get in contact… it was like I finally had something that was mine. I’d spent so long in your shadow, Danny… so long wanting Mom and Dad to love me. Having Evan…”

“I get it.” He says, because he does. From being a teen he’d known how differently their parents treated them, and he’d said nothing. Maybe he could chalk it down to him being sick, at least when he was younger, but as the years progressed he knew it was something more – even if he didn’t know exactly what.

He’d said nothing.

He’d let her down.

He couldn’t blame her for keeping Evan secret.

“I should have told you.”

“And I should have protected both of you.” He whispers. “Think I fucked up more.”

“You were a child, Danny.” She moves closer now, taking his hand and squeezing tightly. “It wasn’t your job to protect us. It wasn’t your job to fix their screw ups.”

He laughs bitterly. “Screw ups. Yeah… that’s one way to put it.”

She just shakes her head, smiling sadly. “I think they screwed us all up, but… we still have each other. All three of us.” Then she’s gesturing at the door, and someone else is entering the room.

He’s tall, taller than Daniel himself is, with a mop of blonde curly hair and bright shining eyes than immediately lock onto him. A tentative smile tugs at his lips, rocking back and forth on his heels. Bare arms bar a few simple tattoos hang loose at his sides, hands in his pockets. But the most prominent feature, the sight that has Daniel holding back a ragged sob, is the pink birthmark at his eye.

He looks exactly as the little blonde boy in his dreams does, just older, and it makes Daniel’s heart clench painfully.

“Hi.” Evan says softly, moving a little further into the room, stopping at the end of the bed where Maddie had been as their sister takes a seat.

“Hi.” Daniel replies, and he wishes he could say more, but what do you say to the brother you haven’t seen in twenty four years and honestly forgot existed?

“Evan Nash, meet Daniel Buckley.” Maddie says softly, sensing the nerves and trepidation rolling off both of them in waves. “Daniel, this is Evan, our baby brother.”

Maybe that’s all it takes because a moment later Evan is laughing nervously, taking the seat across from Maddie. “This is so weird.”

“You’re telling me.” Daniel replies, a true smile gracing his lips for the first time in a long while as he looks at his little brother. “But… for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what they did. I’m sorry I never found you again.”

“It’s not your fault.” Evan says softly. “And honestly, I didn’t remember you. I didn’t even really remember Maddie either, I just… never forgot her name.”

“I don’t think I was around all that much.” Daniel admits. “I always thought this little blonde boy was nothing more than a figment in my dreams but… he always looked at me like I hung the moon. I always wanted him to be real.”

“I can promise I’m one hundred percent real.” Evan says with a light grin. “I’ve seen too much of my own insides to believe otherwise.”

Maddie rolls her eyes. “Nice, Evan.”

“What? It’s true.” He grins back.

Daniel laughs softly, ignoring the twinge of pain it causes. “I feel like there’s a story or two here that I should know.”

“You really want to go through twenty four years in one afternoon?” Evan asks.

“I think I’ve got a little more time than that.”

The grin drops from Evan’s face instantly, and he finds himself taking Daniel’s other hand on instinct. “You’ve got **a lot** more than that.”

Daniel turns his gaze to the bed covers, holding back a sigh. He’s only just met his brother and he’s already basically saying ‘ _don’t get too attached!’_ He lets himself have a brief second to compose himself, then turns back to Evan. “Honestly I want to hear about this family of yours. I hear I have a nephew?”

At this, Maddie swipes a few stray tears from her eyes and smiles broadly. “Two, and two nieces.”

“Are you serious?” Daniel gawps, more so when Evan turns his phone screen towards the elder, showing a picture of him and Eddie with the kids.

“That’s my husband, Eddie. Our eldest, Christopher, who’s seven, and Amanda, who’s six. Then our twins, Alexander and Charlotte, who are one.”

“Jesus, Evan.” Daniel smiles at the image. “Next you’re gonna tell me you have a dog and white picket fence.”

“Dog, yes, but our fence is brown.” Evan grins.

Maddie shakes her head at their younger brother’s wit. “I know. I’m jealous too.”

Daniel turns to her. “Last you told me, you have something of your own. Howard, is it?” She blushes softly, and he grins, though it’s bittersweet, eyes laden with regret. “Me, I’ve got no-one.”

There’s a squeeze of his hand, Maddie’s gaze burning into him as she says firmly. “You have us.” She pulls his arm up, hand clasped between both of hers, and presses a kiss to his knuckles. “I don’t care about what Mom and Dad are saying. I only care about what the doctors say, and you have options, you have treatment. You’re not giving up on us, Daniel. I won’t let you.”

There’s a moment of silence that hangs over the room, thick and heavy, and then Evan is squeezing his hand tighter too, own voice hard with determination. “You have me.”

Daniel’s gaze snaps to Evan’s own, disbelief at the words waring with his own words to their parents, his want to live waring with his desire not to put Evan in harm’s way again. “No. I can’t ask that of you.”

Evan just shakes his head. “You’re not asking.”

Another moment of silence passes, younger siblings focused directly on their elder brother as he sits in that hospital bed, as they straddle the line between life and death, as each prays silently and surely that they can all make it out of this mess, unscathed and together.

“Let me save you.”

He feels the warmth of both their hands curled around his, solid and weighty, the air seemingly suffused with love, and for the first time in weeks Daniel feels… alive.

“Okay.”


	10. The Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love guys! I really hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. This chapter is inspired by the Chicago Fire episode 'The People We Meet' (5x10) which I also don’t own.
> 
> Warning for mentions of depression, and depressive thoughts. Daniel’s still not in the best place, and Evan is worried/overwhelmed. Please read with care, and if you are struggling, speak to a friend, family member, or trained professional.

They spend a few more hours talking and getting to know each other better, wide grins on all of their faces by the time the Buckley parents decide to make another of their unscheduled, unwanted visits.

All three can tell from the moment the door opens that Margaret and Philip Buckley are shocked to see all of their children in the same room together; her eyes wide and lips pursed, his expression belaying sadness and guilt.

“Maddie.” Margaret says.

“Evan…” Philip whispers.

They turn away, Daniel glaring at the pair. “We don’t want you here.”

“Daniel…” Philip gives a soft sigh. “We just came to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” The elder child snaps back, hands gripped in those of his siblings.

“You have to understand…”

It’s at that where Evan turns, disbelief clouding his gaze. “He doesn’t have to understand anything. We’re all adults. We can decide for ourselves what we do.”

Margaret glares at her youngest child. “His health – ”

“Is important to all of us.” Evan snaps back, own eyes narrowing. Margaret Buckley doesn’t scare him anymore.

Philip blinks. “You mean…”

Daniel sighs softly. “Ev…”

Evan just shakes his head, looking first at his brother, and then at the pair stood frozen in the doorway.

“I’m going to save him.” He says, voice soft but words spoken with an edge. “He’s **my brother**. But you… you are **nothing** to me. I owe you **nothing**. What happens from here on… are **our** choices. Not yours.”

He watches them both flinch slightly, satisfied, then turns to Daniel and hugs him softly. “We’ll be back at the weekend.” Facing Maddie, he says “The kids will be getting out of school soon.”

She nods, hugs Daniel also, then takes her younger brother’s arm. Together, they walk past Margaret and Philip Buckley without another word.

They’re half way down the hallway when Philip chases after them, hand reaching for Evan’s shoulder.

He spins before the man can touch him, venom in his eyes. “Don’t.”

“Evan…”

“That letter…” He shakes his head, cursing the tears that spring to his eyes but glad at least that this man gets to see how much hurt he has caused, however inadvertently. “What? Are you wanting forgiveness? You don’t get that from me. Not now. Not **ever**.”

He turns; refuses to look back – even as Philip sinks to his knees with a whispered prayer of his name.

Evan Nash may believe in second chances, but Evan Buckley never has.

The moment he gets home, Eddie wraps him up in his arms and lets him cry it all out.

He’d gone from being so nervous about meeting Daniel, to coming to care so deeply for his brother in only a handful of minutes. The darkness and despair he’d seen in those eyes had been so similar to his own, once upon a time, and it had only been from the support and love of his family that he’d come out of the other side.

If he had even the slightest ability to give Daniel that same love and care, he was damn well going to take it.

He was going to save his brother; from the cancer, and from their so-called parents.

But where he’d been able to keep some semblance of strength at the hospital, and during the journey home, as soon as he was wrapped up in his husband’s embrace, he felt it all just fall away.

“I don’t want to lose him.” He whispers into Eddie’s shoulder.

“You won’t, carino.” Eddie whispers back, hard carding softly through his hair. “I’m so proud of you, mi amor. So proud.”

Evan sniffs, holding him so tightly. “It’s what I was born to do. It’s who I am.”

“No, it’s not just that.” Eddie responds. “It’s because you are the best person, Evan. We are so lucky every day to have you in our lives. I love you, carino.”

He feels Eddie’s words sink into him, warming the parts of him that had gone cold and numb with fear and dread; both from worrying about Daniel, and from confronting Margaret and Philip.

“I love you too.”

**Three Weeks Later**

Evan greets almost all of the medical staff on Danny’s ward as he heads down to see his brother, dumb grin stretching his face. He passes over some flowers to Anne at the desk, Danny’s main nurse, and a box of homemade cookies from Maddie for Dr Petroski and his team.

“He’s doing pretty good today, Evan.” Anne tells him with a smile, and that only broadens his grin, thanking her as he heads around the bend.

His brother’s door is easily visibly, dressed from head to toe in drawings from the kids, who’d taken to him like fishes to water once they’d been introduced. They had their Uncle Danny wrapped around their little fingers, and it was clear to Evan that Danny was determined to be the ‘fun uncle.’

He didn’t quite have the heart to tell him that Chim had already claimed that title long ago after the bouncy castle incident.

They didn’t talk about the bouncy castle incident.

Instead he feels his heart swell at the messages scrawled between pictures, ‘we love you Uncle Danny’ and ‘get well soon Dan-Dan’ written clearly in the handwriting of his two eldest kids. It’s almost indescribable, the feeling of having both his blood siblings in his life, even amidst the heat of Margaret’s stares and the longing in Philip’s eyes.

He pushes the door open, beaming grin directed right at his brother. “Guess who’s getting a transplant in…” He looks at his watch dramatically, “Oh, 46 hours and 27 minutes.”

Danny rolls his eyes as his baby brother sidles into the room and takes his usual seat beside the bed, propping his feet up by Danny’s hand. “Thank you, Mr Specific.”

Evan can’t stop grinning though. “How are you not excited about this? Ami and Chris can’t wait until you can come play outside with them.”

“Me either.” Danny smiles at the thought, but it’s not the same as they’d been treated to previously, wide and unmoored, eyes sparkling. It’s tenser, gaze darkened by rampant thoughts. Evan knows it all too well himself.

“What’s wrong?” His grin morphs into a frown, feet slipping from the bed as he sits up, taking Danny’s hand. “Did the doctor tell you something?”

“No… No.” Danny sighs. “I just… what if it doesn’t work?”

“It’ll work.”

“Then what if it comes back again?” He shakes his head, tears slipping from his eyes unbidden. “I can’t keep putting you through this, Evan. It’s not fair.”

“Hey, hey.” Evan squeezes his brother’s hand tightly. “You’re not putting me through anything, okay? This is my choice.” He leans over, pressing a kiss to his brother’s forehead. “I’m saving you, remember? Just like I save people every day. No different.”

“I remember.”

“Good.” The smile slips back onto his lips, more sombre this time, but no less true. “You’re getting through this, okay? **We’re** getting through this.”

Danny nods, own true smile returning, gaze lightening as it locks onto Evan. “Okay.”

A moment passes, grip on the other’s hand tightening briefly, and then the scene resets, Evan leaning back in the chair and propping his legs back up on the bed, Danny resting back as he pokes his brother’s feet.

“So you have a shift this afternoon?”

Evan nods. “Last one before I’m on med leave for a week. Dad’s put me on med calls only though, just to be safe.”

“Yeah, I heard from that husband of yours that you’re quite the danger magnet.” Danny grins. He’d loved hearing Eddie tell him everything they got up to at the 118, and was glad his brother had found happiness with him.

“You get shot once, blown up another time, and suddenly you’re a danger magnet.” Evan huffs dramatically, throwing his hands in the air.

“You forgot exposed to poisonous gas.” Danny replies, laughing softly.

Evan’s just glad to see him looking healthier, the pre-treatment before the transplant already giving back some of his energy and regaining the pallor of his skin. “Yeah, yeah.”

But then the smile drops again, his elder brother’s mind still locked on the upcoming procedure. “And the kids?”

Evan sighs. They’d already been over it a few times in the past week. “Are gonna stay with Carla the day of the procedure so Maddie and Eddie can both be here.”

“And they know?”

“Enough.” Evan catches his lip between his teeth, biting back another sigh. “There’s little risk, Danny. I’m not going to scare them. I’ll be under anaesthesia the whole time. A little hole in my hip, and then right as reign in a few days.” He lets his feet drop, leaning forward and taking Danny’s hand again. “It’s gonna be fine, Danny. You’ll see.”

But if ‘quiet’ was a word that should never be spoken in the firehouse however, ‘it’s gonna be fine’ were also words that Evan Nash should never say.

His last shift is only a 12 hour, thankfully, though he enjoys the recent change of riding in the Ambo with Hen. There’s something different about assessing a medical situation, more clinical, than running into a fire, and while he wouldn’t give up firefighting permanently, it was definitely a nice change for the short term.

He has only a couple of hours left when they get a call about a biker who’s skidded and come off their bike, hitting their head on the pavement. Evan and Hen peel out in the Ambo, heading to their destination, thankfully only a few blocks away.

They quickly spot the injured biker, a young woman in her mid 20’s. A neighbour has come from one of the nearby houses, and is pressing a wad of tissue to a wound on the woman’s head.

Evan and Hen quickly introduce themselves, taking over treatment. They check the woman’s vitals, assess the head wound, and determine she’s got a mild concussion and will need a few stitches. All in all, she’s been lucky, and they’re just loading her into the Ambo when they hear it.

A scream, and the distinct crackle of fire.

In amidst the slight chaos caused by the woman’s accident, a few homeowners having left their properties to help, one of the homes has sparked alight. In a few short minutes, the entire base of the structure is engulfed in flames.

Hen quickly calls it in, requesting units to their location, while Evan is quick to pull the woman the house belongs to away from the dangerous situation that was unfolding. “You can’t go in there.” He tells her softly.

The woman struggles in his arms, reaching out towards the house. “Darcy! My daughter’s in there, please!”

Evan feels a war raging within himself. He wants nothing more than to go and find this young girl, but he has no equipment, nothing to protect either of them with.

And then they see a small girl escaping from an upstairs window onto the scaffolding that runs down the side of the property, the woman in his arms screaming for her.

The girl loses her footing, crying out as she clings desperately to a single metal pipe.

Evan doesn’t think.

He runs, scaling the scaffolding quickly until he reaches the girl, pulling her to him and telling her to hang on tight. Darcy holds to him like a monkey as he pulls them both up to the top of the structure, pausing for a moment to decide their best way down. She’s around eight years old, a little too big for him to carry down himself with no equipment.

“Hen!” He calls to her, hoping for good news while they’re so close to the station. “What’s the ETA on the truck?” If he can get her into a harness…

“Three minutes!” Hen calls back, and maybe it would be fine were it not for the sudden heat at his back through the open window. Evan turns, scouting the room the girl had come from. There’s no sign of flames, but the bedroom door is closed, buckling under heat and pressure.

Evan knows the signs like the back of his hand.

He knows they don’t have time to wait for the truck.

They’re two stories up. Too far to jump without causing injury, and even then they could still be too close to the house in the event of a backdraft.

He tests the structure, wobbling beneath his weight, and makes a decision. “Hold on tight sweetie.” He tells Darcy, and then he’s gripping the edge of the scaffolding and throwing his whole weight to the side away from the house.

The structure wobbles, tips, leans, until they’re falling slowly towards the ground. He counts; ready to jump in 5, 4, 3 –

The windows of the house explode, the force knocking the scaffolding completely off course.

Evan jerks, loses his grip, and then they’re falling, twisting, the ground rising up beneath them.

He has a split second to angle his body, pull Darcy closer, and then…

Nothing.


	11. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter! I’m so glad you all enjoyed it, and I loved seeing a few people who got the link to Chicago Fire. 5x10 is one of my absolute favourite episodes and Severide storylines, so I couldn’t not do something similar when I started planning this prompt. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. This chapter is heavily inspired by the Chicago Fire episode ‘The People We Meet’ (5x10), with some dialogue from the episode used, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Warning for slightly depressive thoughts/feelings of inadequacy, basically fallout from the Buckley parents being such assholes.

“Buck!”

The blast rings in Hen’s ears, an intense wave of heat hitting her where she stands, but she doesn’t dare tear her eyes from her partner, watching helplessly as he lands on the ground with a dull thud.

She’s by his side in a heartbeat, yelling into her radio for another rig as she checks over his injuries and the girl still clinging to him.

Darcy is thankfully unharmed, crying into Buck’s chest until her mother reaches her, and then clinging to the woman for dear life.

Perhaps it’s selfish, but Hen thanks the lord that it leaves her free to treat Evan.

His eyes are closed, breathing shallow. She rubs her knuckles on his sternum, thankful when his eyelids flutter and his knee jerks, even if he gives no indication of consciousness.

She can feel the rapid, weak pulse beneath her fingertips, tells him to hang on while she races back to the ambo for a second backboard and C-collar.

She can hear the whine of sirens thankfully approaching as she secures the collar around his neck, two engines and another ambo pulling up simultaneously.

A second later Chim is by her side, helping to roll Evan carefully onto the backboard without question.

She can feel Bobby behind her, gives him a quick rundown of the situation, and then he’s directing the second Ambo to the biker victim, leaving Ambulance 118 to focus solely on Evan.

A few paces away, Eddie is checking over Darcy, but Hen can feel his anxious gaze watching them as they lift Evan onto a stretcher and wheel him toward the Ambulance.

Bobby follows them, panic lining his face beneath the professional exterior. “Keep me informed.” He tells them softly. “We’ll be there soon.”

Then the doors are clicking shut, and they’re peeling away to LA Medical, sirens splitting the air.

Bobby, Eddie and the rest of the team find them in the ED waiting room an hour later; Hen’s head in her hands while Chim nurses a disgusting looking cup of coffee.

“Anything?” Eddie asks immediately, even though he likely knows the answer, panic on show as clear as day.

“They took him for scans.” Chim says softly. “That’s all we know.”

Eddie slumps into a chair beside him, looking small and scared, while Bobby takes the one next to Hen, defeated sigh slipping from his lips. “I shouldn’t have let him work today.”

Hen’s head snaps up. “He saved a life. He made a choice. We don’t get to take that from him.”

Eddie wants to say that Evan will always make the choice to save others, but he refrains, because even thinking it makes him think of Daniel, of Maddie, and he can only handle one lot of panic at once.

By the time someone comes to see them, all four have been climbing the walls, anxiety rolling off them in waves.

The doctor smiles at them though, and Eddie takes that as a good sign as he gets to his feet. “How is he?”

“He’s going to be fine.” The doctor says first, and all four release a collective breath of relief. “He’s moving his hands and feet, so we can rule out paralysis. Scans showed no internal bleeding, nor any severe head or neck injury. He does have significant muscular trauma to his lower back though, so he’ll be in pain for a while.”

“Thank god.” Eddie whispers, his two deepest fears proven to be nothing more than that.

“We’re giving him meds and fluids, and we can have someone from Ortho work with him on recovery exercises. Walking isn’t likely to be fun for a few days.”

“Oh, he’s gonna hate that.” Hen chuckles softly. “You cannot keep that boy pinned down.”

“I can just imagine the glare you’re gonna get when you tell him he’s on bed rest.” Chim chuckles to Eddie.

Eddie doesn’t doubt, but he’s just glad that his husband is okay. “Can we see him?”

“Just one at a time, for now.” The doctor responds. “He should wake up soon.”

“Go on, Eddie.” Bobby says softly. “We’ll get back to the station and head over after shift.”

Eddie nods, hugs his father-in-law tightly. “I’ll let you know when he’s awake.”

“Let him know we love his stupid ass.” Hen adds with a smile.

“Will do.” He responds, hugging her and Chim too, and then the doctor is leading him down the corridor to Evan’s room.

Eddie knows he’ll have to call Maddie, but in that moment he just needs nothing more than to see his husband.

Then, like a flash of lightning, he realises something.

“Uh,” he stops suddenly, eyes wide, “you said that the trauma was to his lower back?”

“Situated around the pelvis and hips, yes.” The doctor replies, brow furrowed slightly.

“My husband is due to donate bone marrow, the day after tomorrow.” Eddie says, dark feeling already coiling in the pit of his stomach. “His brother is at Santa Maria – Lakeland – with Leukaemia.”

The doctor’s expression softens, sorrow belaying the answer before he says it. “We won’t be able to clear him for that. I’m sorry.”

Eddie expected it, but the feeling in his gut still hardens into solid lead, weighing him down the rest of the way to Evan’s room.

He knows it’s going to crush him when he wakes up.

It doesn’t take long for Evan to start twitching beneath Eddie’s touch, the older man’s hand curling tighter around his husband’s, a light smile playing on his lips. “That’s it, Ev. Open those beautiful eyes for me, carino.”

Evan comes to slowly and then all at once, eyes fluttering first and then snapping open with sudden clarity to the whine of the heart monitor. “Darcy! Is she okay?” His gaze snaps to Eddie, panic evident.

“She’s fine, Evan.” Eddie is quick to calm him, hand sliding up to rest on the nape of his neck. “You saved her.”

Evan’s breathing stutters for a moment, and he sinks back into the bed with a groan. “How bad?”

Eddie bites his lip, unsure whether or not he should wait for the doctor.

Of course, Evan doesn’t give him the chance. “Eddie…” He looks to his husband, worry still lining his face. “How bad?”

“You’re fine.” He whispers softly. “Gonna be sore for a few days, but nothing major.”

He prays Evan won’t ask the question that Eddie is dreading.

Of course, fate never listens to him.

“Okay, good.” Evan breathes, eyes slipping shut as he tries to regulate his breathing, to calm the panic that had swelled so quickly inside him. “I’m not due at Lakeside until tomorrow, so… good.”

Eddie’s silence must be telling on its own though, because Evan’s eyes quickly slide open, locking back onto him. “Right? That’s… that’s good?”

Eddie sighs. “Evan…”

“I’m still… good, right?”

It’s a question laden with so many layers and nuances that Eddie’s heart breaks as he’s forced to shake his head, hand reaching for Evan’s and squeezing tight as he says. “They won’t clear you, carino.”

“No.” Evan shakes his head, pain and grief suddenly so raw in his eyes. “No. They… they can’t do that.”

“They already have…”

“No!” He sits up suddenly, ignoring the whine of the monitors as he pulls the IV from his arm, the o2 monitor from his finger and the other pads from his body. “He’s already started the chemo. He… He needs me, Eddie. He needs me!”

“Evan!” Eddie tries to push him back down, to stop him, but Evan is pulling away from him, determined to get out of the bed. “Evan, stop!”

“I’m the only one who can save him!” Evan yells, thrashing as Eddie all but pulls him into the tightest hug, forcing him to stay in the bed, forcing him to stay where he needs to be. “I have to save him!”

The anger gives way quickly to despair as nurses flood the room, monitor whining painfully, sobs wracking his body as he clings desperately to Eddie. “I have to save him.”

His husband’s voice is barely a whisper, low and pained, and it hurts Eddie more than words can say. “There’s nothing you can do, carino… I’m sorry…”

“I have to do something…” Evan chokes as he’s pressed back down into the bed, nurses resetting the IV and administering a sedative. “I have…”

His eyelids droop, body relaxing out of his control. Eddie can only watch as he’s pulled back under, a final broken cry slipping through his lips.

“I can’t let him die…”

Bobby arrives with Maddie shortly after, the father’s expression heartbroken as Eddie recounts Evan’s few conscious moments.

“I’m so scared he’s not going to forgive himself.” He whispers softly, gaze still focused completely and wholly on his sleeping husband. His thumb runs softly over the back of Evan’s hand, his wrist, eyes pointedly ignoring the small new bruise where his first IV had been so angrily ripped out.

“It’s not his fault.” Maddie whispers from the other side of the bed, holding Evan’s other hand. She looks broken herself over the news, but Eddie knows that none of her emotions are directed at Evan.

“It’s mine.” Bobby responds sadly, hand resting on Eddie’s shoulder. “I should have put in more med leave for him. He shouldn’t have been working today.”

“And you know he would have hated that.” Eddie responds.

“Maybe it’s just fate.” Maddie looks up at them both, all tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. “After what our parents did the first time around… maybe… maybe it’s just Daniel’s time…”

“How dare you.” A voice calls from the entry way.

None of them had even heard the door open, yet there stands Margaret Buckley – unwanted as ever – looking furiously at her daughter.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Maddie stands immediately, her own gaze turning furious.

“We came as soon as we heard.” Philip stands behind Margaret, expression as broken as Maddie’s had been. “How is he?”

“He’s useless is what he is!” Margaret screeches. “How could you let this happen, Maddie!”

“Don’t you dare blame her for any of this!” Eddie gets to his feet, glaring daggers at the Buckley’s. “Or Evan!”

“He had one job!” Margaret Buckley will not be stopped, shouldering past Bobby as he tries to stop them from coming any further inside. “One job and of course he screws it up!”

“Get out!” Bobby roars, having had quite enough of this woman barging into his son’s life and screwing with everything Bobby had worked so hard to instil in Evan.

Security escort them out, having been alerted by the nurses about the commotion, but the damage is already done. Evan’s eyes flicker open the moment the door closes, dull and teary.

“She’s right.” He whispers, causing three pairs of eyes to snap immediately to him. “I had one job… one thing to get right…”

“Evan…”

“I let him down.” He scrubs at his eyes, furious at himself for feeling hurt by the woman’s words. Daniel had been counting on him, and Evan had let him down.

It’s something he would never forgive himself for.

“No, Evan.” Maddie whispers, quick to press a kiss to his head and turn his gaze to face her, hand soft on his cheek. “This is **not** your fault. How could you have known what was going to happen? How could you know that any trauma to your back would stop you being allowed the epidural?”

“What?” He croaks, brows suddenly furrowing.

Maddie smiles softly. “I said it’s not your fault.”

“No, no…” He shakes his head. “The thing about the epidural.”

“Uh… that’s why they can’t go through with the procedure.” Her own brow furrows, suddenly confused and concerned. “Trauma to the spine – ”

“So that’s what this is about?” He shakes his head, pushing himself upright; ignoring the way his back tenses, shocks running through the abused muscles. “How much it’s gonna hurt?”

She can see immediately what he’s thinking. “Evan, no.”

But there is one thing to be said about Evan Nash-Diaz. The moment he sets his sights on a goal, there is nothing that will ever stand in his way. “I don’t care about that.”

“Well lawyer’s sure do!” She counters. “You must have hit your head too if you think they’re going to let you go through with it.”

“He’s going to die, Maddie!” Evan responds, gaze suddenly blazing with ferocity and determination. “What’s a little pain compared to that?!”

“You’re not thinking…” Eddie might have been slower to cotton on, but his own eyes are wide now, panic flaring once more.

Evan sighs, turning to his husband. “Eddie…”

“It would be intolerable, Evan.” Maddie’s voice is hard, unwavering. “There is no way they would let you.”

“So I make them let me.” He counters, meeting her gaze again for a split second before turning back to Eddie. “I have to do something.”

Silence rules the room, and then Bobby’s squeezing Eddie’s shoulder softly. “You’re his proxy Eddie. You can fight for him.”

“Not really much of a choice is it.” Eddie responds. “What sort of husband would I be to let you go through excruciating pain? But what would I be if I let Daniel die?”

“I have to save him.” Evan says simply, blue eyes watering.

Eddie just nods.

Bobby sighs softly. “I’ve got a contact on the hospital board. I’ll make some calls.”

Evan wakes the next morning feeling restless and sore. He’d barely slept, what with worry about Daniel and Margaret’s words plaguing his mind, yet the moment he opens his eyes to see a stern looking woman by his bed, he’s immediately awake.

She’s wearing a suit jacket, stack of papers the thickness of Evan’s arm in her hands, and his heart suddenly blooms with hope. The last his Dad had said before leaving yesterday was that there was a chance; that he wasn’t going to give false promises.

“Mr Nash-Diaz.” She starts. “Your father’s contacts have been giving me quite a headache.”

He feels a little bit guilty at that. “Diaz is fine. Or just call me Evan.” He shifts, wincing softly as his muscles protest – having stiffened further overnight.

“Mr Diaz.” She continues. “I believe you’re determined to go through with a bone marrow donation at Lakeland, despite being told that you’re unable to be medically cleared for such a procedure.”

“Only because of the epidural.” He bites out, wanting to keep his calm with this woman but tired of being treated like a child. He’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions. He doesn’t need his _not-parents_ or anyone else telling him otherwise.

“Which I understand you wish to forego.” She responds. “I would advise you that isn’t wise.”

“My Dad already told me it’s brave but stupid. I’m not looking for anyone else’s opinion.”

“Clearly.”

“Look.” He huffs. “I go into fires that are eleven-hundred degrees wearing forty-five pounds of turnout gear, I can tolerate a lot.”

“Well, your doctor seems to agree.” She sighs. “We’ll just add carpal tunnel to your list of injuries with all the papers you have to sign.”

She thumps the wad down on the table over his bed, handing him a pen, and despite her glum, overly serious demeanour, Evan can’t help but grin.

“Thank you.”

She just looks at him dryly. “On your own head be it, Mr Diaz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely had to get in the ‘I go into fires that are eleven-hundred degrees wearing forty-five pounds of turnout gear, I can tolerate a lot’ line from Chicago Fire 5x10, as it’s probably my number one favourite Severide quote, and I can totally see Evan saying it too. There’s a lot of reasons why they work so well as brothers in most of my fics :D


	12. All Fall Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter! I’m so glad you all enjoyed it. This is probably my favourite chapter so far. I really hope you like it :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1, Little Wonders by Rob Thomas, or the Chicago Fire episode ‘The People We Meet’ (5x10) which is the inspiration behind this current plotline.
> 
> Warnings: Angst and drama and whump, and basically all the good stuff that I’m known for in my fics. No warning for Margaret Buckley in this chapter, haha.

Despite being the one to put everything in motion, Bobby still grimaces the moment he ends the call, attracting the attention of both Chim and Hen.

“Everything okay, Cap?” Chim asks, and he can immediately see they’re both thinking of Evan.

Bobby shoves the phone into his pocket and scrubs a hand over his face. “LA Medical. Buck’s been cleared for the bone marrow donation.”

Hen frowns. “I thought Maddie said there wasn’t any way they’d clear him for the epidural?”

“Which is why there isn’t going to be one.”

Hen throws her head back in exasperation, while Chim’s eyes widen. “He’s going through with it, without anesthesia?” Bobby nods, and Chim just whistles appreciatively. “I’ve said it before Bobby, your kid is nuts.”

“No.” Hen shakes her head with a sigh. “He just doesn’t like letting people down.”

“Or losing them.”

Eddie finishes shifting through Buck’s transfer papers, confident everything has been signed, and then hands them over to the waiting nurse, while Evan rubs his wrist with a sigh.

“How many trees was that?”

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle. “Oh, at least two.”

“So what am I up to now?” Evan asks as he swings his legs out from the bed, reaching for the bag of clothes left beside him with a wince. He goes for the hoodie first, managing to put it on with little hassle, but then he grabs the sweats, wincing at any attempt to bend over.

“Five.” Eddie responds, sighing softly as he takes the offending garment and kneels, helping Evan slip his feet in.

“Wow.”

“That’s what you get for not listening to lawyers.” Eddie huffs, helping Evan up so they can get him fully into the sweats.

“What do they know?” Evan tries for a laugh, but he can see the creases around Eddie’s eyes, the subtle frown, and sighs. “Hey…” He grabs his husband’s hand, squeezes tight. “I’ll be okay.”

“I know.” Eddie responds, finishing tying the other man’s laces. “I just hate that it’s gonna hurt you so much.”

“Pain is temporary. Family is forever.” Evan responds, gazing into his husband’s eyes. He presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I’ve learnt that a lot.” Then a wry smile twitches his face. “At least we haven’t heard from the devil for a whole day.”

“Hm…” Eddie murmurs noncommittally, easing Evan into the hospital provided wheelchair (that had been a fun conversation) and grabbing the rest of his things.

“What?” Evan huffs.

Eddie just raises a brow. “And him?”

“What about him?”

“If family is forever…”

Evan shakes his head as they pass the room’s threshold and head down the corridor. “He’s not family.”

He arrives at Santa Maria a few hours later, Maddie already waiting for him. He’s settled into a room by the transfer team and his new care nurse, but having explained the situation beforehand, he’s allowed a brief reprieve to see Daniel.

The rest of the day will be filled with further forms and a couple more tests, but for now at least he’s allowed to keep his own clothes and pretend, for a short while, that everything is okay.

He’s still made to use a hospital issue wheelchair to move from the Acute Care Ward down to the Oncology Unit though. Apparently, further trauma to his back might make his pain levels worse, as if this weren’t already the worst case scenario, only just brought back from the brink.

Still, he doesn’t complain, bright smile on his lips as Maddie pushes him through the doors into the Oncology Unit.

“Anne!” He grins brightly at the nurse behind the desk, even as her expression shifts from happiness at seeing him to dismay at seeing him in a wheelchair.

“Evan.” She says softly, coming around the desk. “What have you gotten yourself into now?”

“Eh.” He waves her off. “A little trouble at work. No big deal. Everything’s right on schedule.”

Maddie however has no qualms in admonishing her brother’s choice, even if she also respects and is thankful for it – after all, she’s allowed to be concerned for both of them. “This idiot thinks he doesn’t need pain meds.”

Anne’s expression shifts again. “Eres un idiota.” She shakes her head. “You think your brother is going to be happy about that?”

“Which is why I’m not telling him.” Evan sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s my choice, okay. Not his. Not anyone else’s.”

Anne just sighs and hugs him. “You have a big heart, Evan.”

He shrugs. “He’s my brother.”

They get to Daniel’s room, the door still plastered in drawings and messages, and Evan smiles softly. “The kids really love him.”

“And he loves them.” Maddie responds, moving to face him. “I won’t say anything, Evan, but… he wants you to be okay too.”

“And I will be.” He hugs her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, and then slowly moves to stand. “I’m okay.” He waves away her offer of help, ignoring the way his knees shake a little, pain lacing through his hips.

He waits for the pain to ebb, finally stood up straight, takes a deep breath, and then enters the room. He hopes Danny doesn’t notice that he’s a little slower than usual, plastering on his usual grin as he heads to the bedside, quickly taking his usual seat.

Sitting, at least, is easier than standing.

“Hey.” Danny looks at them both, cheeky grin on his lips. “You made it.”

Evan chuckles. “I mean, I thought about doing my laundry but then… I’ve got a front row ticket I can’t let go to waste.”

“Front row?” Danny laughs. “More like centre court.”

“Slam dunk into the hip bone!”

Maybe the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, because the next moment Danny is frowning at him.

“You okay?”

“Course.” Evan responds, hiding his discomfort as the hard plastic chair rubs his sore muscles. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dunno.” Danny shrugs. “You seem… off…”

“Evan just doesn’t like needles.” Maddie responds softly, throwing Evan a quick look before Danny’s gaze is on her.

“Oh.” Danny looks back to Evan, still frowning. “You never said…”

“Because it’s nothing compared to you.” Evan responds, the words meaning so much more than his brother understands. He gets everyone being worried about him, but it’s nothing compared to saving his brother’s life. “I’m just thinking about Eddie too. He’ll still be on shift this week so…”

“You’re worried.” Danny’s brow finally smoothens out, smile returning. “It’s cute.”

Evan hits him on the arm for that. “We are not cute.”

“Yeah.” Maddie laughs. “You are.”

“We’re tough, rugged firefighters!”

“Who piggyback their children around the garden and sneak kisses in the station when no-one is watching.” Maddie argues with a grin, and Evan curses that she’s dating Howard. “You’re cute. Face it.”

“You’re both menaces.” Evan throws his hands up dramatically.

“We’re siblings.” Danny grins. “It’s what we do.”

The moment they step back out through the door and Evan is settled back into the wheelchair, they see Philip Buckley heading down the hallway. Evan groans automatically, while Maddie sighs, but Philip simply regards them curiously as he says, “I wasn’t expecting to see either of you here.”

He says it plainly – no barb or insinuation – just a fact. In truth, neither can blame him. Last Philip had seen, Evan was admitted to a different hospital, and the transplant wasn’t going ahead. No-one, it seemed, had told him otherwise.

Maddie offers him the barest of smiles. “The transplant’s going ahead, Dad.”

Philip’s eyes widen slightly. “What? How?”

“I had to kill several trees and deal with a lot of bureaucratic bullshit.” Evan responds. “But they’ve agreed to let me do it without the anaesthesia.”

To the shock of both siblings, Philip’s eyes widen further. “Isn’t that putting yourself at risk?”

It’s the closest to care he’s ever gotten from the man, and Evan can’t help but smile a little at the concern. “I keep telling everyone I’ll be fine.”

“He doesn’t like letting people down.” Maddie adds. “He practically insisted on it.”

Evan makes a face at her, then says simply to Philip. “Like hell I’m gonna let him die.”

He watches Philip’s expression shift, respect and admiration gleaming in his eyes and, beneath that, something more. “You’re everything I hoped you’d be.” He says, and when Maddie gives him a stark look, he adds. “I don’t mean because of Daniel. Not wholly anyway. Just… seeing who you’ve become.” Slowly, he rests a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “I couldn’t be prouder.”

Evan wants to pull away, but he’s frozen by the man’s words – by the sheer admission of something he’d never let himself admit that he’d always wanted to hear. “I…” He swallows thickly. “It’s the way my Dad raised me.” He hopes it doesn’t sound too harsh, because for once he doesn’t mean it like that. It’s simply the truth.

Philip just nods. “And I’m glad you had him.”

He spends the rest of the day in a blur, knocked back by Philip’s words while subjected to further tests and the always fun humiliation of yet another hospital gown.

He notes Eddie’s concern the moment his husband steps into the room to find a dazed looking Evan staring at the wall, and recounts the few moments with his _not-father_.

“Everything he said… it was all my five year old self ever wanted to hear…” He whispers to Eddie, finally letting a few tears fall. “And I just… I don’t know what to do with it.”

His husband doesn’t have the answers, simply holds him tight and lets him try to unjumble his own thoughts, as unsuccessful as it ended up being.

If anything, he just felt even more confused.

He sleeps restlessly, though whether it’s all because of Philip or he’s also nervous about the procedure, he’s not sure.

Evan Nash-Diaz is no stranger to pain, physical or emotional, but he knows this is going to be hard, even if he also knows it’s more than worth it.

It’s worth it because his brother is going to come out of the other side.

It’s worth it, because they’re going to be able to really get to know each other.

It’s worth it, because his kids are going to get to keep their Uncle Danny in their lives.

It’s worth it, because **he’s** worth it.

It’s the mantra that he keeps playing over and over in his head as the nurses come in to prep him, as he’s wheeled down to the OR, Eddie by his side, and as he’s lain on his stomach on the table, muscles tense and heart beating fast in his chest.

It’s the mantra that he repeats when the pain in his lower back shifts from a dull throb to an all-encompassing fire.

It’s the mantra he keeps as a cry tears through his lips.

He must have passed out the moment they finished, because the last thing he remembers is feeling the needle sliding from his back, and then he’s waking in his room, surrounded by his family.

His lower back, hips and legs are all still on fire, despite the cool metal prodding into his arm that tells him they’ve given him some pain meds. Everything seems to hurt, the rest of his body a dull, aching throb.

The moment he opens his eyes, he’s met with a barrage of his name being called and questions about how he’s feeling, and he just groans lowly until they all realise how bad he’s feeling, and the room quietens again.

“How long was I out?” He croaks, Eddie quickly putting a cup of ice chips to his mouth.

“Six hours.” Bobby admits softly, his hand wrapped tightly around Evan’s. “Worried us a little, but the doctor said it’s normal, considering the trauma you’ve been through.”

“Not that they’ve had anyone do what you did before.” Maddie adds.

Evan tries for a weak grin, “I’m special,” but something catches in his throat and then he’s coughing hard, body spasming as pain ripples through his body. A cry escapes him involuntarily, and Eddie’s quick to run a hand through his hair, to tell him to breathe slowly.

The moment he’s calmed down, settling back into the pillows with a weaker cry, Bobby is frowning as he says, “I should probably get your doctor.”

Evan knows he can’t stop his Dad, but still waves him off. “I knew it was gonna hurt.”

“Not this bad.” Bobby counters.

Evan simply sucks on another ice chip that Eddie feeds him, relishing the cool liquid sliding down his throat.

“Danny’s receiving the marrow now.” Maddie says softly. “Should be out in an hour or so.”

“We won’t be able to see him for a few weeks without wearing protective gear.” Eddie adds. “So you won’t be able to go until you’re discharged.”

“But they’re positive about it.” Maddie finishes, smiling. “You did good, Evan.”

Bobby nods, squeezing his boy’s hand. “I’m proud of you, kiddo.”

“Thanks.” Evan blushes a little, distracted momentarily from his pain.

“Ami says you’re Uncle Dan-Dan’s hero.” Eddie grins at the blush, pressing a kiss to his husband’s lips. “And you know Chris already thinks you’re Captain America.”

“You’re all gonna make my head huge.” Evan grumbles with a smile. “I just did what was right.”

“No. You were being Buck.”

The next time he wakes, he’s surprised by who he finds in the room in place of his family.

Philip Buckley has taken the chair his husband had been sat in, hand resting on the bed, close to Evan’s but not quite grasping it; like he’s not sure he’s allowed but still wants to make sure the other man is okay. In his lap is a sketchbook, and he’s flicking lazily through it with his free hand as Evan opens his eyes.

“What’s that?” He asks softly, throat not as dry as it was, but still scratchy.

He kind of wants to ask what the man is doing there, but feels it might be a little harsh, considering Philip’s earlier words. Maybe, Evan thinks, he really is just here to make sure he’s okay.

The thought warms him, if only slightly.

Philip looks up, smile crossing his lips. “Good to see you awake.” He does take Evan’s hand then, if only for a brief, soft squeeze. “How are you feeling?”

He doesn’t pull away, body still hurting too much to even considering moving. “I’ve been better.” He admits. Maybe there’s something to the fact that he and Philip are nowhere near close, despite the man being his biological father, but it feels like he can be truthful. Unlike his actual family, Philip isn’t likely to over panic at the slightest hint of Evan’s discomfort.

“Do you need me to get someone?” Philip asks calmly.

Evan just shakes his head. “I’ll be okay.” It feels like the hundredth time he’s said those words, even if it’s the first time he’s loathe to admit that he might not be as okay as he’d thought.

He’d known it would hurt but… this was a lot, even for him.

Instead he tries to distract himself, looking again to the sketchbook in Philip’s lap. “What’s that?” He repeats.

The older man just smiles, shifting the item into Evan’s lap so he can see.

The sight almost takes Evan’s breath away.

It’s him.

His shaking hand flicks through the pages, watching as each one seems to be filled things about him. It starts with baby photos, leading up to him being three. He’s surprised to see many featuring himself and Philip – the man looking nothing less than a proud father – and even a few of himself and Daniel.

There’s of course a huge time skip after that, but it brings tears to his eyes to see a newspaper clipping of when he rescued that woman on his 15th birthday, a picture of his high school graduation class, of his fire academy graduation class, and a newspaper article about him joining the 118. Several pages are dedicated to news articles about his rescues, his volunteer work as a firefighter, everything Philip could have gotten his hands on, it seemed.

Tears are sliding down his cheeks by the time he looks back at the man, able only to croak a simple word. “Why?”

It’s so many questions rolled into one, and Philip seems to understand that.

“I always wanted more kids. Daniel getting sick… it was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through, and the moment they mentioned a saviour sibling… we didn’t even think about it. But the day you came into this world… I couldn’t see that anymore. All I could see was my son – my little boy – who I wanted nothing more than to protect from such a harsh world. I made them try every other treatment before you. Anything, to spare you that pain.”

He sighs softly, taking Evan’s hand again. This time, Evan squeezes back, and it brings the softest smile to Philip’s face.

“I always wanted to be your father, Evan. Always. It’s why I named you after your grandfather.”

“Then why did you let me go?” Evan whispers.

“I was scared.” Philip shrugs, eyes laden with sorrow and guilt. “Of what Margaret might do if I fought to keep you. Of how her actions could affect you. I knew you were going to hurt either way and I… I wanted to give you the best chance. You were still young, after all. You could forget us, forget the hurt… live a good life.”

“I also could have led a bad one.”

“I know.” Philip squeezes his hand again. “And I’m sorry. I did what I thought was best for you. But that doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you.”

Evan’s mind is spinning again, and he can’t quite process the other man’s words amidst the way his head already feels dizzy and disorientated, pain still thudding at the forefront of his mind. “I want to believe you but… it doesn’t make sense. You only ever cared about Daniel. Maddie said – ”

“Maddie pressed about you, and Margaret… she couldn’t handle that. If her focus was on Daniel… then she wasn’t thinking about why he was here, only that he was here. I guess I just wanted to protect Maddie from her too.”

“So you pushed her out of the way.” Evan surmises, but it’s all still so convoluted, and he feels his anger rising for Maddie. “But why not just leave? Why not spare **all** of your children, **all** of this?”

“I’m not saying it was right.” Philip responds. “And I’m not asking for your forgiveness. I just… I want you to know that I love you.”

Evan really, really, doesn’t know what to say to that.

But perhaps the silence says it all, because Philip just smiles sadly and moves to stand. “I’ll let you get some rest.”

He takes the sketchbook and with it, any semblance of clarity Evan ever had regarding Philip Buckley.

He still barely sleeps, and by the time the sun shines through the curtains, alerting him that morning has arrived, he knows that something is wrong.

The pain in his back has intensified around his hips, and it feels like there is a rubber band around his chest.

It hurts to breathe.

He’s pretty sure it shouldn’t hurt to breathe.

He presses the call button.

His care nurse, Nina, checks his stats, and immediately calls for his doctor. Fear gnaws at him suddenly, sharply, as his doctor checks him over, asks him a bunch of questions, and murmurs like he knows there’s something up, but he doesn’t want to say what.

“What’s going on?” Evan asks him, but he can barely finish the sentence before a harsh cough ravages his body, every muscle spasming painfully. He cries out, tears leaking from his eyes. “It hurts to breathe.” He rasps. “Should it hurt to breathe?”

The doctor and nurse exchange a glance, and then he’s got an O2 mask attached to his face and he’s being wheeled down to X-ray.

This is not at all how he imagined things were going to be.

It’s late morning by the time Bobby reaches the hospital. He’s on a night shift, but he’s got enough hours in the day to spend a few with Evan before he has to get back.

His night had been plagued with unpleasant dreams and worries about his boy, leaving the fire captain unable to sleep again from 5am. By 7, he decided he may as well head off to the hospital than stay staring at the ceiling any longer.

He heads straight for Evan’s room, a smile on his lips as he pushes the door open. “And how’s our soldier today?” It’s a little cheesy, more of a throw back to Evan’s SEAL days and his obsession with army men as a child, but he feels it’s a father’s prerogative regardless.

The moment he lays eyes on Evan however, all mirth disappears.

His boy is lying in the bed, eyes closed, with an oxygen mask slowly misting over his mouth. He looks paler than he had the previous day, and Bobby feels his panic rise immediately. “Evan?”

He calms slightly when blue eyes flicker open, still somewhat bright, a smile gracing his son’s lips as he waves his Dad over with a “Hey,” and the crook of a few fingers.

“What’s going on here?” He asks softly, trying to hide is worry, as he takes a seat next to the bed. He’s quick to grasp Evan’s hand and press a kiss to the boy’s knuckles.

“You always said… I never do things… by halves.” Evan chuckles, though it’s weak and breathy. “Doc thinks… I might have… a little… infection.”

Bobby swallows. “You’re okay though?”

Evan nods. “Waiting on… a few tests.” A cough arches his body, hand grasping for his Dad’s and squeezing. “That… hurt…”

Bobby frowns, watching as a shiver passes through Evan’s body despite the rough woollen blanket on top of him. He pulls it a little higher, but rests the back of his hand on Evan’s forehead. “You’re warm.”

Evan makes a sound of disagreement beneath the mask. “Cold…” He licks his lips, eyes fluttering. “Nurse Deb’s checking… on me… every half hour…”

Automatically Bobby’s eyes flick to the doorway, almost asking for someone to come in that moment. Maybe he’s just over worrying, sure the staff are doing everything they can and need to do, but he hates the breathy rasp he can hear from his son; the pauses between words and the clear lethargy.

“You’re… thinking… hard…” Evan says, a small smile flicking up at Bobby. “Told you… I’m gonna… be fine…”

He remembers it like yesterday, the courage and the bravado, and almost curses himself for enabling his son to be in this position, no matter the reason.

“You remember… when I got… pneumonia?” Evan whispers, squeezing his Dad’s hand. “You… were so… worried.”

“You were eight years old.” Bobby responds, trying for a smile, if only for Evan’s sake. “Of course I was worried.”

“And the… gas...?”

That was later – one of his first calls at the 118, and one of Bobby’s worst. Seeing his son collapse to his knees, clawing at his chest as his colleagues tried to loosen his gear, was going to be seared into Bobby’s memory forever.

“How could I forget?”

Evan lets his gaze rest on his father, lips still upturned. “Doc thinks… it’s a side effect of… of that… and the… the trauma.” He licks his lips again, breath hitching momentarily. “Weak… lungs or… or something…”

“And they didn’t check it before?” He asks incredulously.

“Was okay…” Evan responds, another cough ripping through him. “Signed… wavers…” He tries for a smile, but Bobby’s gaze is wide eyed, focused on the slow fogging of the mask –

\- and the specks of red now dotting the inside.

His hand slams on the call button fast as lightning, other gripping Evan’s tightly. “Just breathe slowly, son.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but can hear it wavering under his own panic, more so when his eyes slip to the monitor by the bed; the 02 saturation level dipping moment by moment.

Evan’s eyes are dull with confusion as they land on his father, breaths stuttering and wheezy. “C-can’t… H-hurts…”

The monitor whines, Sat levels continuing to drop as two nurses and a doctor rush into the room.

84

83

82

80

And then Evan Nash-Diaz stops breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh… *Runs*
> 
> Okay, in all honesty,
> 
> 1) This is not a death fic!!! I just love whump, and there is a very specific reason for this whump that plays into the whole storyline and into specific character arcs/plotlines.
> 
> 2) Please don’t @ me about medical realism. I’m too tired and anxious for research, so lets just pretend we’re in the Hawaii Five-0 medical reality, you know, where Danny can be in a plane crash WITH Steve but then still be allowed to donate his liver. That reality does fine here.


	13. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I’m in timeout after the last chapter… Will this help??  
> *Throws Ch13 at AO3*  
> Although, they say 13 is unlucky…  
> I wonder for who…
> 
> Again, this isn’t a death fic. I’m just evil and thrive on angst. That said, I am working on a completely fluffy crack Buddie one-shot piece that should be up soon.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.
> 
> Warnings: Angst, drama, medical inaccuracies, medical stuff, grief, sadness, crying, family issues, mentions of losing a child, the whole shebang. And a big ole warning for Margaret.
> 
> This chapter is a little dark. As always, read with care.

Bobby Nash stumbles back, frozen against the wall as a nurse switches out the oxygen mask for a bag, forcibly pumping air into his son’s lungs.

“O2 sats are still decreasing doctor!”

Evan is flat on his back now, bed lowered and everything else discarded. Bobby has never seen his son so small and quiet, and the sight rocks him to his core.

The doctor moves quickly, stopping the nurse from squeezing the O2 bag so that he can slide a laryngoscope into Evan’s mouth, followed by a long thin camera.

“I’ve got significant swelling of the trachea. Bleeding.” He shakes his head, removing the devices. The nurse immediately starts bagging again. “Get me a crike kit.”

Another nurse moves to get one, then spots Bobby, and quickly put a hand on his arm. “You should wait outside, sir.”

“My son…” He can’t tear his eyes away.

“We’ll take good care of him.” She responds, leading him outside, before handing the requested kit to the doctor.

“Stop bagging.” The doctor says, swabbing Evan’s throat and making a small incision. “Come on kid…” He slides a tracheal tube inside the cut, nurse taping it down and around Evan’s neck while the first reattaches the bag to the tube and continues squeezing rhythmically.

“O2 rising.” She calls out.

88

89

90

The doctor lets out a breath, focus on the monitor as strong ECG waves continue to fill the top of the screen. “Have his lab results come back yet?”

The second nurse leaves the room momentarily, coming back with a manilla folder. “I was about to page you when the alarm was called.”

He flicks through the folder, lips pursed, brows creased. “Dammit.” The folder snaps shut. “Call up to ICU for a bed. Tell them we’ve got a post op resus patient. CCT on standby, and send up his file.”

She moves to a red phone on the wall, speaking quickly, while the doctor heads for the door. “I need to speak to his father.”

His first action upon entering the hallway is to motion to Henry, one of the ward orderlies. Motioning to the room, he says softly. “Floor 4, please Henry.”

Then his attention is on the man slumped beside the door, head in his hands.

“Mr Nash?” He says softly, helping the man to his feet.

The fire captain’s eyes are bloodshot, quivering gaze pleading with the man for good news. “Is… Is he okay? Is he…?”

“He’s alive.” The doctor assures the man, gently guiding him away from the door as he hears it creak open again. The click of wheels follows, Henry guiding the bed from the room, nurse still pushing air into Evan’s lungs.

Bobby’s eyes snap to the movement immediately, to the tube now protruding from his son’s neck. “What happened?”

The doctor gives a light sigh. “We should take this somewhere private, Mr Nash.”

Bobby’s focus doesn’t waver from the bed as it’s wheeled down the corridor, his son slowly moving from his reach. “Where are they taking him?”

“To the ICU.” Comes the response, a light hand on Bobby’s elbow guiding him past the nurse’s station into the family room.

Bobby feels like he’s floating – there, but not quite – as the man helps him down into a chair and closes the door. “His husband… his sister…” God, he can’t even think about how they’re going to take this. “They’ll be back soon… They…”

The doctor nods, taking a seat opposite him. “The nurses will bring them here until you can go up and see him.”

Bobby just swallows thickly, tears cascading down his cheeks. “He was fine yesterday. In pain but… we knew that would happen. It’s… It’s why he signed the wavers…”

“Complications from donors are very rare, Mr Nash, but it does unfortunately happen.” The doctor takes in the other man, heart going out to him. “Is there someone we can call for you?”

Bobby thinks of Eddie and Maddie, already on their way, and Athena arriving later this afternoon. He shakes his head. “Just tell me.”

“Your son was having some difficulty breathing this morning, to which he alerted myself and his care nurse. I suspected an infection, based on his medical history, that could be affecting his lungs. It’s common after traumatic injury or surgery, both in your son’s case, because of the immune response.” His gaze flicks down to the file in his hand, then back up at Bobby. “We treated him initially with antibiotics, further fluids and heightened O2 saturation while he underwent some tests, the results of which I’ve just received back. Unfortunately, your son has sepsis.”

Bobby isn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. His body shudders in response, a pained sob leaving him.

“It’s a blood infection, but in this case it has severely impacted his lungs, causing swelling and irritated bleeding. We’ve had to intubate through his neck to ensure he receives enough oxygen, and he’ll be placed on a ventilator in the ICU for the time being. We hope with an aggressive treatment plan that he will recover without further damage, and the ventilator will allow his lungs to heal.” He places a hand on the distraught man’s shoulder, hoping to provide at least some measure of comfort. “I know it’s not what you’d like to hear, but he’s strong. He has good chances, and he’ll have a critical care team watching him round the clock.”

Bobby feels cold, numb, scrubbing at the tears running down his face like he might just be able to scrub the whole day away if he tries hard enough. “And his brother?”

It feels like a strange thing to ask – like his focus should be solely on Evan – but his boy went through this **for Daniel**. He **needed** Daniel to be okay too.

A soft smile. “Your son asked for an update this morning. Daniel Buckley is doing well, and the cells seem to be grafting.”

Bobby lets out a little breath, thankful for that at least. “Good… good…”

The doctor squeezes his shoulder softly. “Your son is strong.” He repeats. He might have only known Evan Nash for a day, but to do what he did… it spoke of strong character and an iron will. “I’ll have your family sent in when they arrive.”

The entire way to the hospital, Eddie feels a sense of dread gnawing in his stomach. Not for any rhyme or reason, simply there, biting at his already frayed nerves.

But the moment they step onto the ward and find only an empty room, is the moment that dread turns to fear and panic; like a block of ice suddenly forming around his whole body.

“Evan?” He croaks, staring at the sterile, empty room; nothing to show his husband had even been there.

Beside him, Maddie has a similar reaction, tears already forming in her eyes.

“Mr Diaz? Miss Buckley?” An unfamiliar voice calls, and both whirl.

One of Evan’s nurses stands behind them, polite smile on her lips but sympathy in her gaze. Eddie feels the panic increase, his hands shaking.

“Where’s my husband?”

She doesn’t give him the answer he wants. “Your father-in-law is in the family room.” Then she turns, gesturing for them to follow.

They’re led behind past the nurses desk, to a brightly coloured door that Eddie immediately wants to punch simply for it looking too damn happy, and then they’re led inside, and the first thing he sees is Bobby.

The older man looks nothing short of distraught, head buried in his hands. The nurse heads straight for him, speaking softly, and Bobby just shakes his head before looking at his son-in-law and surrogate daughter.

“He’s in the ICU.” He croaks, face red and blotchy from crying.

Despite her own panic, especially at Bobby’s words, Maddie immediately takes the seat next to him, hugging him tightly.

Eddie, meanwhile, is rooted to the spot. “Wha… What happened?”

Bobby swallows thickly, scrubbing a hand over his face. “He stopped breathing.”

Maddie inhales sharply, tears spilling over. “But he… he was okay?”

“And then he wasn’t.” Bobby whispers. “Apparently he was struggling this morning. They thought it was an infection, ran some tests…”

“And?”

Bobby just grasps Maddie’s hand in his own, squeezing tight. “Sepsis.”

Eddie stumbles, back hitting the wall with a thud. Both Bobby and Maddie look up at him, their own panic subsiding into concern for him. “Eddie?”

“No.” He whispers, shaking hands raking through his hair. “No. He… He said he was gonna be okay, dammit!”

“And he will be.” Maddie responds, pushing every bit of strength she has into her voice, determined. “He’s strong.” She squeezes Bobby’s hand back, then moves over to Eddie, pulling him into a hug.

The Latino man simply cries into his sister-in-law’s shoulder, anger gone as instantly as it had appeared.

Bobby nods slowly. “That’s what the doctor said. He’s got good chances.”

Maddie just holds Eddie close, hand rubbing up and down his back, and nods back at Bobby.

“He’s Buck.”

“Fight for me, carino.”

He sits by Evan’s new bedside, a private isolated room with strict sanitising protocols, hand gripping his husband’s through a layer of blue nitrile.

Doctor White, leading Evan’s Critical Care Team, had said it was just precaution, to prevent further infection, but Eddie can’t turn his mind off from the fact that it makes it look like his husband is dying.

From the blue scratchy gown, white mask and gloves that he’s forced to wear simply to hold Evan’s hand, to the tube protruding from Evan’s throat and the constant beep of the heart monitor, Eddie feels like he’s going insane.

He’s only been sat there for ten minutes.

His husband is too quiet, too pale, too small, and it scared Eddie, deep in his bones. It’s like something is crushing his heart in his chest, disintegrating it into dust.

It’s like he’s losing a part of himself.

“Fight for me.” He whispers, and he can only pray that Evan hears him.

She feels like she’s back working as a nurse again – before Doug, before everything. The gown, mask and gloves have become part of her again. Between Evan’s room and Daniel’s, she feels like she might as well not take them off.

She does, of course, change out of one upon leaving Evan, and into a new set upon approaching Daniel, but the five minute walk between the ICU and the Oncology Unit felt like nothing.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Had it really been only two days prior, that Evan was practically bounding at the news that he could still save Daniel, that he wasn’t letting him down and now…

Had they simply let Evan down instead?

She can’t help but let the guilt gnaw at her, the knowledge that they should have said more, should have calculated the risks, should have…

But she stops herself, because what good would it have done? They might lose Evan but they would have certainly lost Daniel.

In the end, was she simply sacrificing one brother for the other?

She’s not sure she wants the answer.

Anne had smiled at her as she’d passed the nurse’s station, but it had been sad, in a way that Maddie knew meant she knew about Evan.

Maddie didn’t want anyone’s pity or sorrow.

She knew her brother, and he was a fighter. He was going to get through this.

They both were.

The toughest challenge for her, it seemed, was whether to tell Daniel.

On the one hand it isn’t going to do either of them good. Even had Evan been okay, they still wouldn’t have been able to see each other for a week. So there was time for him to recover; time for Daniel to be left blissfully unaware that their brother was now fighting for his life too.

On the other hand, lies and secrets never did anyone good. Their family was living proof of that.

In the end, a half truth seems the best option, as she settles down into the chair by Daniel’s bed, gripping his hand through blue nitrile in the same way Eddie had with Evan. He’s immediately smiling at her, expressing that he’s feeling better, despite the precautions, and that the doctors are saying the cells are grafting.

As he says that he should be okay.

Of course his next thought is to ask about Evan. “I hope he’s not in too much pain because of me.”

She remembers he doesn’t even know about the lack of anaesthesia. A sigh escapes her lips, and his smile immediately dims.

“Mads?” His brow furrows, worry settling in his gaze. “What is it?”

“He’s… not doing as well as we thought.” She has to force herself to stay calm, to not cry as the thinks of their brother’s silent, pale form in that hospital bed, a machine forcing him to breathe. She can’t conceal the truth from him, not wholly anyway, but she knows she needs to keep him calm too.

Evan’s actions cannot be in vain.

“But… he’s okay, right?” Daniel asks softly, turning his hand to squeeze hers.

“Yeah… He will be.” She whispers back, praying with everything in her that she won’t be proven a liar. “He’s just got a bit of an infection.”

“More bed rest. I’m sure he’s gonna love that.” Daniel chuckles softly, smile returning, even if it’s only a fraction of what it was. “Tell him we can be twins.”

“You already are.” She responds with a soft smile of her own. “You’re both reckless, big hearted, idiots.”

“Oh wow, Mads.” Daniel grins. “Right where it hurts.”

“You know I love you.” She responds, and damn it if a tear or two doesn’t leak from her eyes.

“I love you too Mads.” Daniel replies, pressing her hand to his cheek. “Tell Evan I love him too.”

“He knows.”

She knows he does.

The moment she steps from the room, Maddie bursts into tears; the weight of both her brothers’ health momentarily too much to bear.

And then, of course, she hears the voice of the one person she wishes would just disappear to the other side of the planet.

“Maddie!”

Margaret Buckley bustles down the hallway looking flustered and panicked, but Maddie knows what the first words out of the woman’s mouth are going to be, and she knows she isn’t going to like them one bit.

“What’s wrong?” Margaret asks. She doesn’t even offer a hint of comfort, brusque as always. “Is Daniel okay?”

Maddie forces herself to grit her teeth. “Daniel is fine.”

“Then what’s the matter with you?”

“Margaret.” Philip sighs from behind her, looking weary and annoyed.

She just waves off her husband, staring at Maddie. “Well?”

The way she looks at her, like Maddie is nothing more than an inconvenience, and having seen the same disdain directed towards Evan – the man who _saved mom’s precious Daniel_ but is now fighting for his own life – is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Maddie stiffens immediately, staring down her mother with a glare of hatred.

“What’s the matter with me?” Maddie asks rhetorically. “First time you’ve asked that in a while and I get the feeling you don’t much care about the answer.”

“Oh, stop being dramatic.”

“Really, mom?” Maddie shakes her head, disgusted. “Evan is sick. Really sick.” She bites out the words, forcing her own tears back, and marvels at the way the woman’s expression doesn’t falter for a second. She waves towards Daniel’s room. “Because of this. And while I know he doesn’t regret his choices in the slightest, you coming here, acting like Daniel is only one who matters in this? You disgust me.”

“That is enough from you, young lady.” Margaret says, gaze cold. “I did not raise you to speak to me in this manner.”

“You didn’t raise me!” Maddie cuts her off. “You left me behind!”

“I said that’s enough!” Margaret snaps. “Your brother does not need this right now.”

“You don’t know the first thing about what either of my brothers need right now.” Maddie retorts, refusing to back down. The turbulent emotions that had threatened to overwhelm her have now solidified into pure anger and disgust at the woman she called her mother. “Evan could die! And you don’t care at all! You act like you’re so concerned about Daniel, as if you can’t bare the idea of losing a child, and yet you don’t understand that Evan has four kids at home! He has four kids who could lose their Dad! He has a father that could lose his son!”

“He wasn’t even supposed to exist in the first place.” Margaret responds, words biting.

“Margaret!”

The woman freezes, roar ringing in her ears. Beside her, Philip’s fists are clenched at his sides, face red with anger.

“That’s enough.” His words are growled, protective, and it’s the first time in Maddie’s life that she’s ever seen her father stand up to her mother. It’s the first time in her life that she’s seen him stand up for his children.

Better late than never, so they saying goes.

“Go back to the hotel. Go somewhere, anywhere, else.” He tells her, watching as her eyes widen in shock. “You’re not welcome here.”

“Philip…”

“I said go.”

Tense moments pass, the two staring at each other, before Margaret huffs and stalks away. A second later, Philip pulls Maddie into his arms, and suddenly she’s crying into his chest for the first time since she was a child.

Harsh sobs wrack her body, small voice whispering, “I can’t lose him.”

Philip just holds her close, hand running through her hair as he replies. “You won’t. He’s a fighter.”

“How do you know?” She whispers back, and it isn’t a barb, but a question.

“I just do.” He responds.

A moment later, she pulls away, sniffling as she dries the rest of her tears on her sleeve. “Thank you.”

He gives her a sad smile. “I wish I’d done it sooner. I wish I’d done better for all of you.”

Maybe it’s the helplessness she’s feeling, and the way that part of her just wants her Dad to make it all better, or maybe it’s the way that she finally saw what she wanted to see in him – how much he really loved them – or maybe it’s even a combination of both, but she nods, offering him a smile. “You still can.”

Philip nods back. “I will.” He wraps an arm around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “How is he?”

She doesn’t need to ask who he means. “Sepsis. It’s not good, but they’re hopeful.”

“He’s strong.”

“Yeah.” Maddie sniffs. “He is.”

Philip just rubs a hand up and down her back, smiling softly at her. “Come on. I know where to get the good coffee around here.”

Despite everything, Maddie laughs.

Maybe, just maybe, there was a light amidst this storm.

“Bobby?”

The fire captain raises his head from the edge of the bed, bloodshot eyes landing on his wife. He reaches out for her immediately, and she’s quick to take his hand, squeezing tightly.

“Our boy can never do things by half, can he?” She asks softly, lips twitching into a sad smile as she pulls up a chair beside her husband.

“He said the same thing to me this morning.” Bobby admits, blue gloved thumb running over the inside of Evan’s hand. The rhythmic beep that fills the room is somewhat reassuring, but his gaze still travels over the pale skin and lax features, the ventilator, fluids, antibiotics… everything that says his boy is very sick… everything that is keeping him alive…

A choked sob escapes him. “I never should have let him go through with it.”

“It wasn’t your choice Bobby.” Athena says softly. “And Daniel – ”

“Daniel isn’t my son.” Bobby whispers. “He’s not Ami and Chris and the twins’ father. He’s not Eddie’s husband. He’s not **our boy**.”

“But he is someone else’s.” Athena responds, wrapping an arm around her husband. “He’s just like the people you vow to protect every day when you walk into burning buildings and unknown situations. If he’d gotten hurt on the job, saving someone, would you wish you hadn’t sent him in?”

“No.” He sighs softly, rubbing his hands over his face. “I can’t lose him, Athena… Marcy and Robert and Brooke… I thought that broke me but… losing Evan?” He shakes his head, watery emerald eyes looking into his wife’s. “I don’t think there’d be any of me left…”

“You’re not going to lose him.” She whispers, holding him close, and she prays to anyone listening that they’re not going to make her a liar.

Two days pass with little change.

Maddie struggles to keep Daniel out of the loop, to keep him calm and on the road to recovery, but she’s helped by her father, thankful for his presence. They don’t see Margaret, and she can’t say she isn’t glad.

Bobby calls the chief, pulls himself and Eddie out of rotation. He wishes he could do the same for Chim and Hen, for the others at the 118 who are taking Evan’s health to heart, but there still needs to be people to help the city, and the hospital is limiting visitors anyway.

They get a hotel close by, himself and Eddie sharing, Athena and Maddie, but they spend most of their time at the hospital, switching between Evan and Daniel.

The four are thankful at least to see the elder brother on the mend, and Maddie shows a genuine smile the moment Daniel’s doctor confirms that the cells have grafted; that he has a long way to go, but he’s certainly going to be okay.

It’s the best news they could have hoped for, considering the unexpected outcomes on the other end.

Evan stays unconscious, chest rising and falling through the force of a machine and it breaks Eddie every time he steps into the room.

And then on the third day, the room is empty.

“He’s been taken for some tests.” Is the clinical response Eddie gets, and a moment later he’s on the phone to Bobby, panicked.

“They didn’t even say what sort of tests and I…” His chest trembles, breath catching in his throat. “I can’t…”

“Eddie, breathe.” Bobby’s voice is calm, focused. “You’re having a panic attack. Eddie, breathe for me.”

It takes several long moments before he relaxes, tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Bobby…”

“It could be good news, Eddie.” Bobby tells him softly. “Focus on that. I’ll be there in a minute.”

He tries his best, head pressed between his knees, to think positive. The infection could be clearing, his lungs improving.

Maybe he’s breathing on his own?

Maybe he’s awake?

He tries, but the twist in his gut has returned ten-fold, and he feels like he’s going to be sick.

“I’m scared.” He tells Bobby the moment the older man arrives.

It’s a rare moment for the other man, at least in Eddie’s eyes, as he nods. “Me too.”

They don’t have to wait long before Dr White approaches them, and both men are immediately on their feet, Eddie’s eyes trailing behind the man as Evan is wheeled back into his room.

“Is he okay?” From this distance, he can’t see any change.

“The good news is that the sepsis is clearing up, and his lungs are healing, albeit slowly.” The doctor’s eyes still hold sympathy however, and Eddie feels his gut twist again. “Unfortunately the damage has spread to his kidneys, which are failing.”

Bobby swallows, panic and hope at war with each other in his mind. “But that’s… that’s treatable?”

“Dialysis is an option.” Dr White nods. “It wouldn’t drastically affect his recovery from everything else, however life expectancy remains between five and ten years, on average.”

Eddie pales, flashes of the kids growing and Evan not being there to see it whizzing through his mind. “But he can get a transplant, right? You only need one.”

White nods again. “We’re already in the process of adding him to the register, but it can take time, and his body is still healing from major trauma.”

“So you’re saying…” Bobby swallows. “You’re saying he might not be okay?”

“It’s better than it could have been, but not as good as we hoped.” White says softly. “I wish I had better news for you.”

They do too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD... *Hops back into the ether*


	14. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh… I’m glad you liked the last chapter??  
> Uh…  
> *Gently nudges Ch14 into existence*  
> Okay… Bye?
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.
> 
> Warnings: Grief, angst, the whole shebang, as usual. Please read with care. Lots of emotions ahead.

“They can just take mine.”

Eddie is pacing the ICU reception area; Evan a handful of feet away, glass door between them. Tears paint his cheeks, eyes bloodshot, hands raking through his hair.

“You know it’s not that simple, Eddie.” Bobby says with a sigh. “You have to be a match.”

“So I’ll get tested!” He yells, ignoring the stern looks from some of the nurses, head swivelling to try and find Evan’s doctor. He hadn’t even noticed the man take his leave, Eddie’s mind spinning.

“And if something happens to you too?” Bobby asks, gripping the other man’s arm and turning him to face him. He himself wants nothing more than to run in there, to rip his own kidney out if need be, but there are other factors they have to consider. “You gonna make the kids lose both Dad’s?”

Eddie pales, shaking in Bobby’s arms. “I have to do something.”

Bobby nods. Of course they do. There’s no way they’re letting Evan go without a fight. “We’ll all get tested. One of us has to be a match.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.” Eddie’s hand slips back to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes still watering. He knows people can live perfectly normally with one kidney, and yet… “Your job…”

It’s hard enough to imagine Evan not being able to be a firefighter anymore, but to ask someone else – Bobby – to take that risk too…

“My son means more.” The elder man says immediately, gaze unwavering. “And you’re not asking.”

Eddie all but folds into Bobby’s embrace, shaking as the man hugs him tightly. It might not be fatal, yet, but the idea of maybe only five more years with the man who’s become his everything is too much to bear. “I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t.” Bobby says softly, holding his son-in-law tight. His gaze finds Evan’s room, his son’s prone body, and he promises it there and then.

They will find something.

“We won’t.”

The entire 118 answers the call.

Over the next two days, dozens of firefighters troop through the hospital doors; every one of them willing to give a part of themselves to Evan.

The young firefighter had touched so many people over his lifetime, had given so much of himself to others, that it heartened the family to know those who cared about him too were so willing to give back.

Even Josh comes in from the call centre, Maddie holding onto her best friend tightly, thanking him for being there.

“Buck would do the same for me in a heartbeat.”

For all their hope though, none are a match.

“His best chance would be his brother.” Dr White tell them. “Given their history. Unfortunately Daniel just isn’t eligible. His body isn’t yet stable enough for major surgery.”

“If only we were living in a hallmark movie.” Chim murmurs, arms wrapped around Maddie.

“Or some cop show where drama takes precedent over realism.” Hen adds.

“Nah.” Chim shakes his head. “If that were the case we’d be dealing with a tornado or a volcanic eruption instead.”

“I think I’d take that over this.”

Evan remains unconscious throughout.

White says that the sepsis has thankfully cleared, and that his lungs are healing nicely. They want to keep him on the vent a bit longer, until they’re sure he can breathe on his own. He mentions it’s also for the best should they go ahead with a transplant, considering the trauma his body has already gone through.

It’s good news, but none of the family can seem to grasp onto it hard enough, their worry still at war with their hope.

And then Dr White appears on the other side of the glass window, startling Maddie and Eddie as they sit with Evan. The smile on his face clenches both their hearts painfully, hope flaring under the surface but neither wanting to expect it.

Maddie stands, releasing Evan’s hand to move to the door as the doctor steps inside. “Is everything okay?” Her voice is shaking, a mix of hope and fear.

Dr White nods, shutting the door behind him. “We found a match.”

Eddie sucks in a breath, hand tightening around Evan’s arm. “You have?”

“His father.”

Eddie blinks. “Bobby?” The man had been one of the first to get tested...?

Then Maddie gasps, eyes trailing through the window. Eddie follows her gaze, and a second later she’s out the door. “Dad?”

Philip Buckley stands just outside Evan’s room, hands in his pockets, light smile on his face. “Hi kiddo.”

Maddie stops a few steps from him, tears in her eyes. “You’re his match?”

“How’s that for irony?” He chuckles softly.

She takes another step closer. “You’d do this for him?”

Philip just smiles. “He’s my son. Like hell I’m gonna let him die.”

It’s the same words Evan had spoken to him the day before the transplant, and it loosens a sob from Maddie’s throat as she throws herself at her father.

“Thank you.”

He hugs her tight, own tears falling. “He’s my boy.”

Footsteps echo softly behind them, Eddie and Dr White approaching.

Eddie smiles softly at the man who could have been family – who maybe still is. “Thank you for this.”

“We have to run a few more tests this afternoon, to confirm Mr Buckley is well enough himself for the procedure, but I don’t anticipate any issues there.” Dr White says. “After that, we’ll be able to schedule them in.”

Eddie lets out a relieved sob, and Maddie turns to hug her brother-in-law. “He’s gonna be okay.”

“He’s gonna be okay.”

Of course, nothing lasts that long in their world, peace especially, and Margaret Buckley was never going to stay away while she still thought she held some sway over at least one of her children.

Maddie accompanies her father to his additional tests, a new respect forged between them, and while they wait for the results they decide to go and see Daniel.

As hard as it might be, it’s time he knows the truth.

“I know we want this to end perfectly.” Philip says to Maddie softly as a nurse is drawing blood from his arm. “But with three of us here now…”

“I know.” She whispers with a sigh. “We can’t keep him in the dark any longer.” Especially now that the cells have grafted and he’s on the mend; they have no excuse.

Yet the moment they approach Daniel’s room is the moment Margaret steps out from it, her beady eyes raking over both of them, then landing on the hospital bracelet now around Philip’s wrist. “What is this?” Long nails reach for it, snapping onto the plastic. “Surgical?”

Her eyes snap up to meet her husband’s. “What the hell are you doing?”

“The right thing.” Maddie snaps back, fury in her eyes. “Unlike you, he cares about Evan.”

“I don’t understand you, Philip.” Margaret says. “You never once cared about what happened to the boy before. Why now?”

“That’s not true.” Philip’s voice is hard, and Maddie’s gaze snaps to him, shocked. “ **You** never cared. About any of them. And I’m done with it, Margaret. I’m done.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.” He growls. “Go home. Expect divorce papers next week. I see you here again, I’m sure Evan’s mother will be able to find a reason to arrest you.”

Margaret’s eyes bug out. “You can’t do this.” She screeches.

“I can, and I am.” He responds, taking Maddie’s arm and walking past her, to Daniel’s room.

She whirls around at them as his hand touches the door handle, face red. “Philip! Are you really going to do this, when Daniel is still sick? Your son needs you.”

Philip’s eyes bore into her. “Yes. He does.”

Daniel’s room is quiet as they enter, but the man in the bed brightens the moment he sees Maddie. His smile is less dim for his father, but he still greets them both.

“Honestly though,” He says, “I’m ready to just sleep after mom…”

Philip scowls a little. “She won’t be coming back.”

Daniel blinks, looks to Maddie, but doesn’t ask. “How’s Evan?”

She starts from the beginning, even the things that Philip himself doesn’t know, and while their father is forced to leave the room part way through to speak to someone, she doesn’t stop; doesn’t pull any punches.

She makes sure he knows why they didn’t say anything – why they wanted to keep him unaware while he was healing.

He doesn’t like it, but he understands, hands curling around his blankets as his worry for Evan mounts. “But he’s gonna be okay, right?”

Maddie smiles. “Dad’s gonna save him.”

Daniel blinks softly, confusion and shock written all over his face. “What?”

She takes his hand and nods. “You know he stood up to Mom?”

“He did?”

“Told her he’s filing for divorce. Can’t say I’m sad about it.” She chuckles softly, even as her eyes water. “He wants to do right by us.”

Daniel holds her gaze for a moment, then sighs. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“I already have.”

He just swallows, scrubs at his eyes. “Evan comes first.” His hands tighten, one around Maddie’s and the other around the blanket. “He pulls through… then maybe I’ll talk to him.”

“He will.” Maddie says, determined. For all the past few days had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, she feels sure in her hope now.

They will get through this.

“And Dad’s going under too.” She adds, meeting his gaze. “Maybe talk to him before? Just… Just in case…”

She doesn’t want to think about it that way, but she’s gone from worried about losing Daniel to worried about losing Evan in a split second. As much as she was thankful for their father’s decision, she couldn’t help but let concern seep between the cracks of her hope.

Daniel just sighs. “We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled to write today (so much brain shit) so I hoped you liked it. I was tempted to just take a day off, but I love seeing all your comments – they really make me smile – and I am enjoying working on this story, so… :)
> 
> Also, so I have two ideas for how this could play out (Philip and the kids). Do you all want a nice reunion, or angsty fallout?


	15. Of Fathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hear your call for fluff. I raise you Chapter 15.
> 
> :D
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas.
> 
> Warnings: Angst, emotions, tears… the usual. As always, please read with care.

“Tomorrow.”

Bobby turns his gaze from his son’s still unconscious form, looking up at Philip Buckley with a light smile.

“Maddie told me what you’re doing for him.” He reaches out to take the man’s hand. “Thank you.”

Philip takes it, a soft shake. “He’s my boy. Not as much as he is yours, but…” He takes the seat opposite Bobby, carefully brushing a stray piece of hair from Evan’s face. “I only ever wanted what was best for him.”

Silence falls between them, both father’s watching the steady rise and fall of Evan’s chest.

Philip’s hand slides down, taking Evan’s free one, his thumb brushing over the pale skin. “He’ll be back with you soon.”

Bobby regards the other man for a moment, then nods. “With both of us.”

Philip’s head tips upwards, regarding the other man himself, brows twitching with confusion.

“I remember when Evan was almost six,” Bobby says softly, gaze back on his boy, “Mother’s day had already been a hard affair, and I wasn’t looking forward to Father’s day being the same. Except…” A fond smile graces his lips, tear slipping down his cheek as he cups Evan’s face gently. “It was the first time he called me Daddy.”

“It was his first word.” Philip whispers. “I remember like it was yesterday.”

Bobby glances over at the other man again, a semblance of understanding between them. “He’d told his teacher that he didn’t have a Daddy.”

Philip lets out a soft sob at that, hand clasping tighter around Evan’s.

Bobby just smiles. “But I think he had two all along.”

“I’m going to save him.” Philip whispers, bloodshot eyes boring into Bobby’s similar pair.

“I know.”

He stays a few minutes longer before he’s called for, and then his gaze is lingering on Bobby for a long moment before he reaches into the bag beside him and pulls out something.

He hands it to Bobby with a smile, “For Evan. Just… Just in case,” and then he’s gone.

The sketchbook sits in Bobby’s lap for a while before he flicks it open.

Daniel had asked for him, and it warms Philip, even though he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

He gives his son a tentative smile as he sits down beside the bed.

Daniel regards him for a long moment before he speaks. “Thank you. For what you’re doing for Evan.”

“People keep saying that,” Philip huffs softly, “but it’s nothing compared to what he did for you.”

“And I’ll never be able to make it up to him.” Daniel responds. “Even if I’m mad as hell about it too.”

Philip blinks. “He did what he felt was right.”

“And look where it got him.” Daniel shakes his head, flicking away a tear. “He almost died because of me.”

“No.”

“You can’t deny it, Dad. Bad things have happened to him again, because of me.”

“No, Daniel.” Philip’s voice is hard. “Bad things happened to him first, because of me and your mother, and that is something I am going to spend the rest of my life making up to him. But this… this is life, and it hurts, but we deal with it.”

“I don’t want to lose him.” Daniel whispers.

“And you won’t.” Philip responds, squeezing his son’s hand. “I’m not gonna let that happened.”

Daniel sniffs, gaze slowly rising to meet Philip’s. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Philip just hugs his son tight.

“I’m not gonna let that happen either.”

“When’s Daddy coming home?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, trying to hide his tears from his little girl before he turns from the sink to face her.

“Soon, mija.” Eddie says softly, opening his arms for a hug. Ami is quick to race into them, hugging him tight and burying her face into his chest.

“I miss him.”

“I know.” Eddie replies, gently stroking her head. “He misses you too.”

“I want to see him.” Chris’ voice echoes across the room, the young boy watching his father and sister, face stern.

“Christopher…”

“You said he would only be in the hospital a few days, but it’s been a week!” Chris responds, breath hitching. “I know what it’s like, Dad, and I know when you’re lying.”

Ami pulls her head away from Eddie, looking between him and her brother. “Daddy’s not okay?”

Eddie curses internally, pressing a kiss to Ami’s forehead before looking back at Christopher. “He’s going to be fine. Okay, kiddo? I promise you.”

“So why can’t we see him?” Christopher whispers, moving towards the two.

Eddie sighs and pulls Chris into a hug with Ami. “He’s kind of sick right now, and he… we don’t want it to scare you.”

“But not seeing him scares me.” Chris replies, looking up at his Dad. “I don’t want Papa to go away like Mom.”

“Oh, Christopher…” Eddie kisses them both on the forehead, hugging them tight. “Your Papa is going nowhere, okay? He’s gonna get better, and then he’s gonna come home.”

“Then why can’t we see him?” It’s Ami this time, and Eddie wishes with everything he has that Evan was right there beside him.

He can’t do this on his own.

It’s Carla who convinces him to take the kids.

“They’re old enough to understand, Christopher especially.” She tells him softly, a solid hand on his arm. It’s not Evan, but she’s the closest the kids have to a mother figure. “Not letting them see him might only scare them more.”

He leaves the twins with her, pulls the kids out of school and makes the three hour drive back to Santa Maria. They still have the hotel room there, so he’ll keep them with him throughout the next few days as the transplant goes ahead.

He just prays to anyone listening that he’s doing the right thing, but maybe it’s the one time that someone is listening – that someone is hearing his prayer – because the moment they step inside the ICU they’re met by Bobby, eyes sparkling.

“He woke up.”

Eddie feels like he’s been sucker punched, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to swallow him whole.

Evan was awake.

He’d woken up and Eddie hadn’t been there.

But…

He was awake, and that was what mattered.

His grin matches Bobby’s, even as the man mentions that the breathing tube is still there because of the upcoming procedure, and kneels beside the kids.

“You hear that?” He can’t stop the tears from streaking down his cheeks. “Daddy’s awake.”

The beaming smiles he receives from his kids means more than anything in that moment, and then they’re heading to Evan’s room and… and Eddie can see him.

Blue eyes fluttering, briefest of smiles on his lips as Maddie talks softly to him.

He opens the door, quiet sob escaping him as Evan’s eyes meet his for the first time in too long. “Hey there, carino.”

Evan’s lips just tug wider.

Maddie releases her brother’s hand, moving over to the kids. “He can’t talk right now, but you can come say hi. I know he’s missed you.”

They don’t need any further instruction, both bounding over to the bedside and hugging whatever part of Evan they can reach.

“We missed you Papa!” Chris cries.

“So so much!” Ami adds.

Slowly Evan reaches his other hand over his chest, caressing both their heads softly, and with that action, Eddie feels his broken heart being pieced back together.

With exception of Maddie and Daniel, who’s been granted a brief reprieve to accompany his sister to their father’s bedside, the entire family are there the morning of the procedure.

Chris and Ami are on either side of the bed, an arm wrapped around Evan, while he just smiles softly at the sight of most of his family around him.

It’s not quite perfect, still one more hurdle to face, but they’re getting there.

The moment Dr White appears and Eddie has to usher the kids off the bed is hard, both whispering that they want to stay with him, but Evan just caresses both their heads and smiles.

“Dr White needs to make Daddy all better.” Eddie says softly. He knows the man won’t be the one performing the procedure, but the kids don’t need to. “And we’ll be right here when he gets back, okay?”

Reluctantly, they both kiss their father’s cheek and slide off the bed.

“We’ll be right here, kid.” Bobby whispers.

“We love you so much.” Athena adds, squeezing his hand, and then Evan is being rolled from the room, and they’re once again left waiting and hoping.

This time though, things don’t feel quite so dark.

Two patients.

Two OR’s.

Two surgical teams.

Both work in sync with the other, despite the wall between them, practiced, meticulous hands working hard on behalf of one family.

Blood covered gloves carefully snip and stitch, slow, methodical, perfect.

The door to one opens, a nurse bringing in a red and white medical container.

“Perfect timing,” the surgeon murmurs, taking the donated kidney and setting to work on the next part of the procedure.

Again, it’s careful, conscious movements that follow; steady and sure.

In the next room, another surgeon, and more perfected, precise movements.

Almost there. Steady. Sure. Careful.

“More suction.”

Beady eyes focused on each stitch.

Then…

“Pressure’s rising!” The connected monitor begins to beep erratically.

“Dammit.” The surgeon curses, finishing the stitch and removing the tools, turning to face the monitor. “O2 sats are dropping. Increase oxygen.”

“He’s in V-Tach!”

“Defib!”

A dull thud.

In the first room, further erratic beeping, another call for action.

“Pressure’s bottoming out! 80 over 40!”

“We’ve got a bleeder!” The surgeon calls. “Suction!”

Eyes squint, deft hands working quickly yet calmly.

The blood is pooling, obscuring his vision. “More suction!”

“Pressure’s still dropping!”

And then a singular, intense whine splits the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame my love of Grey’s Anatomy, haha!
> 
> Also sorry this one’s a little short. The next chapter will be longer. In the meantime I’m also going to post the first chapter of a new multi-chap Buddie fic called “The Meaning of Home” and a Buddie crack one-shot called “Four Magicians Walk Into A Bar,” shortly.


	16. Memoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is slowly wrapping up and this makes me sad, but we still have a few more chapters to go! Thank you all for sticking with me. I really hope you like this one – tissues at the ready!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. This chapter is a little inspired by the Hawaii Five-0 episode 8x10 (I ka wa ma mua, I ka wa ma hope) where Danny gets shot, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Warnings: Grief, medical stuff, angst, emotions. Ya’ll know the drill by now. Read with care :)

Evan opens his eyes to see nothing but an expanse of white in front of him. He blinks, wondering just how he’s ended up here, and where here even is.

The last thing he remembers is being rolled into surgery and then…

Surgery.

The thought is like a punch to his stomach, and he doubles over, retching.

“Am I… Am I dead?”

The whisper floats out into the nothingness, but there’s no-one around to respond. Nothing but white for miles and miles.

He thinks of his Mom and Dad, of Eddie and the kids. Maddie. Daniel.

Pain ripples through him, a choked sob rushing past his lips. For a long moment, he can’t breathe, and then it occurs to him – all at once – that he doesn’t need to.

It’s a strange feeling, and he stares at his chest for a long moment – watching the complete lack of movement – before he stares up at the white expanse once more. “Is this heaven?”

“Not quite.”

He whirls at the voice – familiar, in a way he can’t pinpoint – and then his eyes are widening at the sight of someone he never thought he'd see again; or, at the very least, for a long time.

“Shane…”

He looks exactly as he had when he’d died – when his body had slipped from Evan’s grip amidst him being pulled to the chopper. Dark curls and mirth in his emerald green eyes.

For a long moment Evan forgets himself, racing to the man and throwing his arms around him. Shane is solid to the touch, warm, and it does something to Evan’s heart. “I don’t… I don’t understand…”

“You’re here on a journey.” Shane responds, soft smile tugging at his lips as he hugs Evan back. “You both are.”

Evan blinks and Shane pulls away, turns, revealing someone else stood behind him.

Philip Buckley.

Evan’s expression shifts to that of confusion, brows furrowing. “What…? How are you here?”

“He’s currently in a room next to yours.” Shane says softly. “Having done what was needed to try and save your life.”

He vaguely remembers waking up, but his memories are skewed towards seeing his family, his kids, and not towards what they might have told him – if anything – about the situation.

“You…” He takes a step closer to Philip. “You tried to save me?”

“How could I not?” Philip replies, small smile twitching his lips. “You’re my son.”

“No…” Evan shakes his head. “I’m not.”

He watches the pain that flits over Philip’s face, the hurt, but he can’t bring himself to take it back. A few photos and some news clippings did not make a father, and he wasn’t going to apologise for that.

Shane sighs. “You’re here because you’re walking a line between life and death, yes, but also between forgiveness and recrimination; between the past and the future; what has been and what could be.” He snaps his fingers, and the white around them begins to shift. “You’re here because there are things you need to see.”

He turns to Evan as the expanse around them morphs into a two story suburban home. “The SEALs taught you not to feel, but you did it anyway. You need to do it again now.”

_“We can’t just let him die!” Comes the voice of Margaret Buckley, breath hitching between sobs._

_“And you really think having another child is the answer?” Philip responds, shaking his head. “We’re not God, Margaret.”_

_“No. But this isn’t God, Philip.” She responds. “This is science.”_

_“We’re talking about a child, here, an innocent baby.”_

_“We’re talking about **our child**. Daniel.” Her gaze narrows at him. “Are you really going to let him down?”_

“It was always my biggest fear.” Philip whispers. “Letting my kids down. She knew that.”

“And she used it against you.” Evan responds, just as quiet. His gaze settles on Philip, the real one, but he says nothing more, just appraises the man for a long moment before turning back as the scene changes.

_Philip stands at the nursery window, gaze fixated on the little basket that holds a bundle of blue._

_Evan James Buckley – the tag reads._

_Tears slip from his eyes as he watches the child sleep, a whisper – almost a prayer – slipping from his lips. “I’m so sorry.”_

_A moment later a nurse approaches, oblivious to his plight, and then he’s being brought inside, baby Evan settled in his arms._

_Philip stares down at the boy, eyes dark with heartbreak, more so as the child open’s his eyes and just blinks at his father. A tiny hand grips the man’s thumb, and Philip lets loose a sob._

_“My boy.” He whispers. “My little boy.”_

_He leans down, presses a kiss to the child’s small curls. “I’m not going to let anything hurt you… I promise.”_

_A whirlwind of memories follow, days of arguments and terse words._

_“He’s just a baby!”_

_“This is what we signed up for, Philip!”_

_“He didn’t!” A sigh. “We can try something else. There are other options!”_

_“ **This was the option!”**_

_“We are **not** hurting him.”_

Evan blinks away tears. “You really fought against it?”

“Of course I did.” Philip responds, turning to him. “I was blinded by grief when we made our decision but… holding you in my arms… I knew we’d been wrong. **I’d** been wrong.”

_Philip enters the living room with a toddler on his hip – around eighteen months – and a smile on his face._

_“What do you think about going to the park today?” He says softly to the boy, grabbing a few snacks from the fridge and packing them into a bag. “Huh, Evan? Me, you and Maddie.”_

_The boy grins at his father, and giggles._

_Philip’s smile just widens. “You’re Daddy’s little boy, aren’t you? And Daddy loves you so much.”_

_“Da-ddy.” It’s quiet, broken, but Philip hears it as clear as day, eyes widening._

_“Oh my god…” He brushes a few curls from Evan’s eyes, smile morphing into an all out grin. “That’s right, Evan. Daddy loves you.”_

_“Da-ddy!”_

In the two ORs, blood covered hands continue to work frantically to stabilise their patients, orders shouted across the room.

“Push 2 milli of –”

“Charging!”

“Still no pulse!”

“Come on kid!”

“Push another cc of – ”

“Continue compressions!”

“Clear!”

“Why show me this?” Evan chokes, tears streaking down his face. “Why does it matter if you loved me once? You still threw me away!”

“I wanted to give you the best chance!” Philip yells, his own cheeks wet. “Why do you think you ended up in LA? It’s not exactly the next state.”

_In a flash, they’re suddenly in the back hallway of a hospital. A young nurse scrubs a hand over her face as she speaks on the phone, expression pained. “What do you mean it’s what’s best for him? You’re his father, Philip.”_

_The response is unheard, but she sighs. “Okay, three days. I’ll keep an eye on him. I promise.”_

_The clock winds forwards, hands spinning faster and faster._

_They stop._

_The woman is by the front reception now, phone pinging in her pocket._

_She doesn’t look at it._

_She knows._

_Her feet carry her outside, where a young boy is sat crying on the steps. She kneels down, speaks to him softly, and then carries him inside. As she steps through the hospital threshold, a soft murmur slips through her lips. “I’ll make sure you’re okay, Evan. I promise.”_

“I recognise her…” Evan whispers, frowning at the woman’s face, frozen in time.

“You should.” Shane responds, and then the scene shifts again.

The children’s home.

He recognises it with a slight shiver – it had never been bad, not like some of the stories he’d heard, but it was still a time he scarcely wanted to remember.

_The woman is a little older now, but still much the same, sat with a group of children painting. Evan recognises himself beside her, quiet and focused._

_“That looks beautiful Evan.” She smiles softly at him._

_“What about mine, Miss Allie?” Another child pipes up, and she smiles at them too._

_“Wonderful Victor!”_

Evan gasps softly. “Miss Allie? She…” He turns to Philip. “You… knew her?”

Philip smiles softly at the image. “She’s my cousin.” Then he turns to meet Evan’s gaze. “I would have never let anything happen to you.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that.

_The scene shifts again._

_A playground._

_Evan, almost six now, races from the classroom door into Bobby’s waiting arms, a single cry on his lips. “Daddy!”_

_He reaches into his satchel, pulls out the card. Bobby’s eyes are watering, blinding smile on his face as he hugs the boy tightly._

“Your father told me about this.” Philip says softly. “You thought you didn’t have a Dad…”

“I was a kid.” Evan whispers back. “I didn’t think I did… The one I had…”

“You thought didn’t love you.” A sigh. “That was so far from the truth, Evan.”

Evan swallows down the desire to say ‘I know’. The memories are tearing up everything he thought he knew, emotions swirling inside him, and he just wants it to “Stop…”

_The scene changes again, ignoring his plea._

_The same suburban home, an older Philip Buckley sat on the edge of his and his wife’s bed, photo frame in hand. Tears drip onto the surface, a light sniffle accompanying them._

_The frame shows Philip and Evan; one of the last photos taken of the two. The three year old is grinning in his father’s lap._

_“Happy birthday, Evan. I miss you, son, and I hope you’re happy.”_

_A twelve year old Evan sits on the couch of the Grant-Nash household, phone in hand._

_“Margaret Buckley.” Comes the response, and for a moment Evan’s mouth dries up._

_“Um… Hi. This is… This is Evan.”_

_A pause, and he swallows thickly._

_“Your son? I… I just wondered if… if Maddie is – ”_

_She cuts him off before he can finish asking for the sister he barely remembers, tone cold and hard._

_“Don’t call this number again.”_

_He hears the slam of the receiver before the call cuts out, and it jerks him where he sits, cheeks heated with shame and tears pricking at his eyes._

_A moment passes, his breathing heavy, and then he throws their own phone across the room, pained scream tearing from his throat._

_Warm arms envelop him, pulling him close, and Evan just sinks into Athena’s embrace._

Philip blinks at the scene, eyes wide, shaking. “She… She never told me…”

_As if on cue, the scene changes again._

_Margaret Buckley sits on the couch, phone beside her, face red and hands shaking._

_Philip enters, face contorting as he spots his wife having a small meltdown, and dares to ask. “Is everything okay?”_

_“Fine, Philip.” She grumbles. “Just fine.”_

_“Who was that on the phone?”_

_“No-one.” She snaps, standing and stalking past him. “Wrong number.”_

“You thought you were the only one hurting.” Shane says softly to Evan, then looks to Philip. “And you thought you were doing the right thing.”

_The scene shifts again, but this time it feels different._

_They recognise the house, but Philip is frowning – the memory distorted and blurred._

_“He saved Daniel.” Margaret is saying. “Now his job is done.”_

_Philip stares at her for a long moment, then says, “Let me take him.”_

_“Whatever.” Margaret dismisses him with a sigh, muttering “always so soft-hearted” as she walks away._

_Philip scrubs away the tears that threaten to fall, turns to the three year old Evan sat colouring on the couch, and tries for a smile. “We’re going on a trip buddy.”_

_A flash, and then they’re at an unfamiliar apartment, Philip’s hand clutching Evan’s._

_“Just for a day.” He says to the man in front of him. “Just so I can get Maddie and Daniel too.”_

_A flash, and then all three kids are in a car with Philip. Daniel is still pale, but smiling softly as Evan runs a plastic dinosaur over the other boy’s knee from his car seat, growling and giggling._

_“Daddy? Where are we going?” Six year old Maddie asks softly, her hand clutching Evan’s free one._

_Philip keeps his eyes focused on the road as they pass a sign that says ‘now leaving Pennsylvania’. “Somewhere better, sweetie.”_

_More flashes follow._

_The kids growing up together, with their father, happy and healthy._

_Evan still ending up at the 118, but this time with his brother._

_Still finding another father figure in Bobby, a mother in Athena._

_Still with Eddie and the kids._

_Still happy._

_All of them together._

Both Philip and Evan are in tears at the scene, eyes slowly finding each other, like they can scarcely believe that things could have been so different, and yet all the same.

“Life is twists and turns, decisions and choices.” Shane tells them. “But the past and what could have been are one in the same. Life is about the present, and the future you choose to build.”

His hand stretches out to the side, the white expanse appearing once again, this time with a single wooden doorway.

“Go, or stay. Forgive or regret.” He clasps Philip’s shoulder, presses a soft kiss to Evan’s lips. “These are the choices that will define you.”

Evan’s fingers reach for his lips, for the ghost of that touch, eyes wide as his heart thuds – literally – in his chest.

He’s breathing again.

They both are.

He looks, and Shane is gone. There’s just him and Philip now.

And the doorway.

“It only looks big enough for one.” Philip says quietly.

Evan looks at him, face set with determination, and shakes his head. “You’re not giving up on me now. We’ve got too much to do.”

Philip studies him for a long moment, before his lips twitch into a smile, and he nods. “Together?”

“Together.” Evan nods back, taking his father’s hand.

They walk through the door.

**Beep.**

**Beep.**

**Beep.**

**Beep.**

“We’ve got a pulse!”

“Sinus rhythm normalising!”

“Heart rate up to 60!”

“Pressure dropping. 100 over 70.”

“That’s it, kid. Just a little longer.”

“Okay, let’s close it up.”

The surgical waiting room is silent, despite the number of people packed inside. Almost every chair is taken up, but not a single person speaks.

“How much longer?” Maddie whispers from beside Chim, their hands clasped together. Her knee is bouncing nervously, hands slightly shaking. “It’s been hours and they’ve told us nothing.”

“I’m sure it won’t be much longer.” Bobby responds from across her. The father is pale, lines around his eyes betraying worry. The sketchbook is clutched on his lap.

“I – ”

The door opens, Dr White entering.

Every single head snaps up.

He surveys the room for a moment, then gives them a light smile. “It was touch and go, but… they both pulled through.”

The sigh of relief from everyone is audible, filling the room.

“They’re both being settled into rooms.” Dr White continues. “You’ll be able to see them soon.”

“Thank you.” Bobby looks up at the man, tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“I think you’ve all been waiting for good news for a while.”

They certainly had, and while they all knew the next few weeks wouldn’t be easy, they knew they would get through it.

Together.


End file.
